power_play
I've spent so much time trying to look on the bright side of things that I've forgotten how good it feels to have the bright side just sneak up on you. That may make sense only in my head. Let me back track. Connor stopped by today. He was looking for Darla and had Amber with him. I told him Darla wasn't in, and I half expected him to take off. Instead, he hung out and we talked.
Things aren't perfect between us, not even close to perfect, but we actually talked. It was almost like the way things used to be. Connor and I had a special relationship before everything went to hell in a handbasket. We could talk about anything with each other and it wasn't just an uncle/nephew relationship. We were friends. There was trust and understanding. I've missed that more than I can express and for a little while it felt like old times. Maybe we have a chance at repairing the rift between us. The fact that he did listen to what I had to say and shared his own feelings with me? Those are steps in the right direction. I didn't need to remind myself to look on the bright side, because things were already better than I'd expected.
Connor said he would be back to talk to Darla, but he wanted to visit Angel before he had to get to class. I hope that Angel can put away that crazy hugging and outbursts of pride and love behavior that he displayed the last time he and Connor saw each other. Not sure what got into all of us when we were looking for Connor, but we're damn lucky Connor didn't write us all off as crazy people. Angel has the answers to Connor's questions, and while they may not be the answers that Connor wants to hear, at least it will be the truth.
One thing that sticks out from all the stuff that Connor and I talked about is how he feels he hasn't been given a choice in any of this. I can't say he's wrong. First he was used a pawn against Angel to pay for an ancient crime against Holtz's family. Then he was used as a pawn in whatever that thing inside Cordy was as a means to bring Jasmine forward. After that...well he lost his vote when it came to making choices regarding his life. Angel and I have been tripping over each other in an effort to make sure Connor was protected. Our intentions may have been well placed, but it doesn't change the fact that it is Connor's life and he has to have a vote.
Our desire to protect him has left him feeling like he can't trust the people who say they love him. I keep hoping that maybe things will be different once he has a chance to bond with Darla. A mother's instincts and all that. Besides, Darla is about as blunt as they come. She won't lie to Connor and try and spare him pain. She'll tell him exactly how things are and then she'll stand at his side and help him face it.
That's what I should have done. That's what Angel should have done. We wanted to protect him because of all the stuff the kid went through in the other life. Both of us should have known better. You can't survive in this world by being protected from the truth. The truth is what gives you the power. I'm not going to make that mistake again. No matter what, I'll never give Connor a reason to distrust me again.
Things aren't perfect between us, not even close to perfect, but we actually talked. It was almost like the way things used to be. Connor and I had a special relationship before everything went to hell in a handbasket. We could talk about anything with each other and it wasn't just an uncle/nephew relationship. We were friends. There was trust and understanding. I've missed that more than I can express and for a little while it felt like old times. Maybe we have a chance at repairing the rift between us. The fact that he did listen to what I had to say and shared his own feelings with me? Those are steps in the right direction. I didn't need to remind myself to look on the bright side, because things were already better than I'd expected.
Connor said he would be back to talk to Darla, but he wanted to visit Angel before he had to get to class. I hope that Angel can put away that crazy hugging and outbursts of pride and love behavior that he displayed the last time he and Connor saw each other. Not sure what got into all of us when we were looking for Connor, but we're damn lucky Connor didn't write us all off as crazy people. Angel has the answers to Connor's questions, and while they may not be the answers that Connor wants to hear, at least it will be the truth.
One thing that sticks out from all the stuff that Connor and I talked about is how he feels he hasn't been given a choice in any of this. I can't say he's wrong. First he was used a pawn against Angel to pay for an ancient crime against Holtz's family. Then he was used as a pawn in whatever that thing inside Cordy was as a means to bring Jasmine forward. After that...well he lost his vote when it came to making choices regarding his life. Angel and I have been tripping over each other in an effort to make sure Connor was protected. Our intentions may have been well placed, but it doesn't change the fact that it is Connor's life and he has to have a vote.
Our desire to protect him has left him feeling like he can't trust the people who say they love him. I keep hoping that maybe things will be different once he has a chance to bond with Darla. A mother's instincts and all that. Besides, Darla is about as blunt as they come. She won't lie to Connor and try and spare him pain. She'll tell him exactly how things are and then she'll stand at his side and help him face it.
That's what I should have done. That's what Angel should have done. We wanted to protect him because of all the stuff the kid went through in the other life. Both of us should have known better. You can't survive in this world by being protected from the truth. The truth is what gives you the power. I'm not going to make that mistake again. No matter what, I'll never give Connor a reason to distrust me again.