to fly.
to fly.
729 words. dbsk. lawsuit-related.
yunho-centric.
To fly
You know that moment when you think you know everything that’s going to happen, you know exactly that all things are in place, and you know, you just know, that there is no place to go but to the top.
It’s hard to believe that once you’re there, there is no place to go but down.
--
It’s raining the day it happens. The windows of their apartment spattered with heavy drops of water, the pounding against them echoing in his ears, adding to the noise inside of his head. He stays at home (when he still called it that) when the three go to fight for their freedom. Each of them have thought about it immensely last year, back when it was just pure thoughts, sole ideas, never acted upon. But that was whenYunho was young, and naive, and thought that if it would be alright if they all left, and dong bang shin ki would still be alive and well. But a year later, when the three bring it up again, he tells them no.
He thinks that this moment counts as the very first time they’ve disobeyed their leader.
He doesn’t know where Changmin is. And he really thinks that he should know this, because Changmin is all he has left. Yunho knows that Changmin, deep down, wants to leave with them. He sees it across the bags under his eyes, the bruises against his skin, and the fatigue stretched about every part of his body that makes him skip meals, which Yunho knows is simply because Changmin is just too tired to eat.
SM calls the three “traitors”. It kills him when Changmin agrees.
--
All of those days spent in the courtroom go by in a blur of testimonies and lawyers and Yunho just thinks that all this is taking away the time he would have been spending with his members. He doesn’t know how much time left he’ll have with them (even Changmin. He notices him changing little by little into an angry man, no longer that snarky teenage boy. And that scares Yunho more than it should).
(the thing with changmin is that he will never tell you exactly what he feels. He’ll bottle it up inside, until his thoughts and anger churn and poison everything within him, breaking his memories and burning the past, and he’s left with nothing but a toxic mind and an angry soul. And Yunho knows that he’s stubborn. Once he has decided that the other three were as good as dead to him, Yunho knows that it’s going to take more than sad apologies and tearful pleads to make Changmin change his mind.
Changmin doesn’t file the lawsuit, but to Yunho, he’s already gone.)
--
Yunho spends most of his nights awake, sitting on the floor of their balcony, humming old songs that he knows he will never be able to sing again without the other three.
He sings quietly, “I am right here. Even now, I am right here.” Even though he knows there is no one left to hear him.
His bones feel as though they are scraping against the inside of his skin, his head pounding with the headache of the constant blaring noise of paparazzi all around him, and all he wants to do is escape the noise, escape the hurt, and escape his own being.
Dong bang shin ki isn't five anymore. Dong bang shin ki isn't even one.
He gets up suddenly, his legs aching with years of bruises and cuts that have never healed, his shoulders hanging in a kind of defeat a leader should never show. He grips the railing hard, twisting his skin against the metal in a heated kind of desperation.
He wants to be free. To be away from the disaster of his life, away from the loneliness he feels burdening his heart each and every day. And away from the Dong Bang Skin Ki that no longer exists.
He sets one foot on the railing, and then the other, until he’s only standing on that one piece of metal, balancing precariously between his failures and his escape.
He closes his eyes, and slowly takes one foot off of the railing. He wishes that he had wings, like Jaejoong, upon his back. But no one said you needed wings to fly.
729 words. dbsk. lawsuit-related.
yunho-centric.
To fly
You know that moment when you think you know everything that’s going to happen, you know exactly that all things are in place, and you know, you just know, that there is no place to go but to the top.
It’s hard to believe that once you’re there, there is no place to go but down.
--
It’s raining the day it happens. The windows of their apartment spattered with heavy drops of water, the pounding against them echoing in his ears, adding to the noise inside of his head. He stays at home (when he still called it that) when the three go to fight for their freedom. Each of them have thought about it immensely last year, back when it was just pure thoughts, sole ideas, never acted upon. But that was whenYunho was young, and naive, and thought that if it would be alright if they all left, and dong bang shin ki would still be alive and well. But a year later, when the three bring it up again, he tells them no.
He thinks that this moment counts as the very first time they’ve disobeyed their leader.
He doesn’t know where Changmin is. And he really thinks that he should know this, because Changmin is all he has left. Yunho knows that Changmin, deep down, wants to leave with them. He sees it across the bags under his eyes, the bruises against his skin, and the fatigue stretched about every part of his body that makes him skip meals, which Yunho knows is simply because Changmin is just too tired to eat.
SM calls the three “traitors”. It kills him when Changmin agrees.
--
All of those days spent in the courtroom go by in a blur of testimonies and lawyers and Yunho just thinks that all this is taking away the time he would have been spending with his members. He doesn’t know how much time left he’ll have with them (even Changmin. He notices him changing little by little into an angry man, no longer that snarky teenage boy. And that scares Yunho more than it should).
(the thing with changmin is that he will never tell you exactly what he feels. He’ll bottle it up inside, until his thoughts and anger churn and poison everything within him, breaking his memories and burning the past, and he’s left with nothing but a toxic mind and an angry soul. And Yunho knows that he’s stubborn. Once he has decided that the other three were as good as dead to him, Yunho knows that it’s going to take more than sad apologies and tearful pleads to make Changmin change his mind.
Changmin doesn’t file the lawsuit, but to Yunho, he’s already gone.)
--
Yunho spends most of his nights awake, sitting on the floor of their balcony, humming old songs that he knows he will never be able to sing again without the other three.
He sings quietly, “I am right here. Even now, I am right here.” Even though he knows there is no one left to hear him.
His bones feel as though they are scraping against the inside of his skin, his head pounding with the headache of the constant blaring noise of paparazzi all around him, and all he wants to do is escape the noise, escape the hurt, and escape his own being.
Dong bang shin ki isn't five anymore. Dong bang shin ki isn't even one.
He gets up suddenly, his legs aching with years of bruises and cuts that have never healed, his shoulders hanging in a kind of defeat a leader should never show. He grips the railing hard, twisting his skin against the metal in a heated kind of desperation.
He wants to be free. To be away from the disaster of his life, away from the loneliness he feels burdening his heart each and every day. And away from the Dong Bang Skin Ki that no longer exists.
He sets one foot on the railing, and then the other, until he’s only standing on that one piece of metal, balancing precariously between his failures and his escape.
He closes his eyes, and slowly takes one foot off of the railing. He wishes that he had wings, like Jaejoong, upon his back. But no one said you needed wings to fly.