It must be an October thing.
I broke up with Brendan last week.
This is weird because of this...
[31 Oct 2007|12:11pm]
Brendan told me he didn't love me on sunday. he told me he wanted to break up.
i found out some weird shit from his computer (he knows i did this and i confronted him).
i'm really really sad. I have never loved anyone like this and although I've known for awhile that he hasn't loved me or that he's just been so unhappy with everything, I didn't want it to end.
I feel like an asshole because i can't let him go.
I don't understand why he wanted to move in here.
Last year at this time, i was going to the dr. Trying to change my life because i thought that if i changed, brendan would be happy. It didn't work, and as far as I know, he has never thought that exact thought in regards to my life and my happiness.
I want him to grow up. I want to see other people and find out if i really do love brendan, or if I was just settling. i want him to do the same thing.
It's not easy to make decisions like this. It is easier if you are feeling loved by someone else... but i have to keep grounded. I have to focus on myself and what i need more than anything else.
Things in my life are completely out of control and I needed to change everything.
and i mean that... EVERYTHING.
Tonight is one of my last nights of drinkin' for awhile, and I think that I probably won't even drink that much.
Tomorrow I'm trying to not leave the house. Just do homework and stuff for my internship. I also need to find a job.
i'm hoping to spend all of December working as much as i can for Vegas money.
I'm really happy as far as friends go, even if most of my friends are hilariously co-dependent.
My life is weird. A trainwreck, you might say.
This is weird because of this...
[31 Oct 2007|12:11pm]
Brendan told me he didn't love me on sunday. he told me he wanted to break up.
i found out some weird shit from his computer (he knows i did this and i confronted him).
i'm really really sad. I have never loved anyone like this and although I've known for awhile that he hasn't loved me or that he's just been so unhappy with everything, I didn't want it to end.
I feel like an asshole because i can't let him go.
I don't understand why he wanted to move in here.
Last year at this time, i was going to the dr. Trying to change my life because i thought that if i changed, brendan would be happy. It didn't work, and as far as I know, he has never thought that exact thought in regards to my life and my happiness.
I want him to grow up. I want to see other people and find out if i really do love brendan, or if I was just settling. i want him to do the same thing.
It's not easy to make decisions like this. It is easier if you are feeling loved by someone else... but i have to keep grounded. I have to focus on myself and what i need more than anything else.
Things in my life are completely out of control and I needed to change everything.
and i mean that... EVERYTHING.
Tonight is one of my last nights of drinkin' for awhile, and I think that I probably won't even drink that much.
Tomorrow I'm trying to not leave the house. Just do homework and stuff for my internship. I also need to find a job.
i'm hoping to spend all of December working as much as i can for Vegas money.
I'm really happy as far as friends go, even if most of my friends are hilariously co-dependent.
My life is weird. A trainwreck, you might say.