god only knows it's getting hard...

[supremefiction]

hmmm...I have nothing to say, but i have time to kill. Should I rant? You wouldn't want to hear what I have to rant about, and frankly, neither do I. The mounting stress from the aspects of my life with which I am currently displeased is like a growing cerebral parasite or degenerative disease. It's making my emotions, and therefore my actions, unstable. The difference is that in the olden days I would lie isolated inside, prostrate upon the floor/couch/bed, and succumb to the disintegration. Now I feel an intense rebellion against the pain; some kind of equal or greater force compelling me to fight or flee. I simply can't stay in the house and lie in the cut by myself - it'll burn me up. However, I may have loads of self-confidence, but self-doubt is definitely still there. So the doubt says, "Why is it that you can't stay home by yourself? What is it about yourself that you can't face?" It seems legitimate, too...am I running away from my personal problems by constantly wanting to be around friends and people I care about, or is that desire to be around said people therapeutic for me? Will I ever be "fixed?" Am I really broken at all anyway? Reminds me of a line in a piece I wrote several months back - "but who is to say what is right? / only more comfortable..." I feel I am learning to accept my flaws as well as my strengths; to embrace the flaws and flip them into strength. Doesn't mean it won't still hurt, but at least what I make of it will result in positivity.

by the way, you cocks haven't been commenting. I loooove comments...even the ones posted by people with questionable ethics.