I just dont know yet...
I was thinking...
I have realized something, i was hanging with this chick a few days ago...
and i got the same responce i always get to a certain subject.
They seem attracted to me and yadda yadda yadda...
we will flirt and all...
Then we will talk about sexual stuff and i mension that i am a virgin.
I have noticed a definate 180 after that comes up.
They mension about being friends and blah blah blah.
First of all i already knew that a guy being a virgin isnt a turn on but it seems it is a super turn off.
I bet thats even why kate doesnt like me... not nessisarrily being a virgin but lack of experience rather.
I 100% guarentee that Kates new bf has alot more experience sexually... at least compared to me... but i bet even her, i wouldnt be surprised if it turns out that kates new bf isnt even a virgin.
I ever remember something that Kate and i talked about... and her responce was in jest but it was truthful none the less. It was:
We were talking about if she turned out to be a lesbo...
I said if it turns out she is a lesbo, if she would then want to have sex with aguy at least once, that guy being me.
She said, "no, if i was to have sex for the first time it would be with someone who isnt a virgin. Id want someone with more experience."
She said it as a joking responce but it was in truth still.
I have gotten the same reactions from every woman in the past year.... woman that i was beginning to get close to and then poof... all of a sudden its talk of friendship and blah blah blah.... stupid bitches...
Now while i very much want to wait and lose it to someone that i will always want to remember... have it special... I am beginning to believe i will never find anyone special because i am a virgin and too inexperienced.
I have found myself now considering just doing it... just to get it over with.
I will never be able to be anything but a "friend" as long as i am a virgin.
I was going to hang out with this chick Adina... extremely hot, friday night but it turns out i am going to Las Vegas this weekend and leaving friday... later today, whatever. So i will be hanging out with her next week but i am going to make sure that from now on i wont mension my virginity....
Right now, the only one i would want to lose my virginity too is Kate. I would have gladly if she didnt want to wait until marrage.... but still... she is the only one special enough to me that id want to be first....
So... perhaps on another note... going out there right away and having sex... even if i dont really want too would help me get over kate.
I was also going to save myself for someone special to set an example to others... to not necessarily save it for marrage but save it for someone special after having a long relationship...
But i think to myself that is stupid now... I'm no example... not a rolemodel... I'm no fuckin bloody saint.
So fuck it.
I am definatly not going to mension that i am a virgin... even if i have to lie (which is something that cuts me down to the bone to do) and keep that interest from the chick... and if it leads to me losing my viriginity, withouth the others knowledge that its my first time, then so be it...
I just dont know yet...
It all would have been alot easier if Kate and I had sex back when we were together... then none of this would be an issue... oh well.
So yeah.... I AM GOING TO LAS VEGAS TONIGHT!
Going on a plane and flying there. Gonna drink and gamble.
Also... another thing that i seem to have a problem with... i keep going to eat at places or hearing songs... and i cant help but think if kate would like it or not...
I found this place downtown... the entire restaurent is in this huge middleeastern tent thingy... went there with joel and others...
And then there is this song... You're Beautiful by James Blunt and i cant help but think that kate would like it...
If you read this Kate, please ask check those things out, i think youd really like em...
Me outtie.
I have realized something, i was hanging with this chick a few days ago...
and i got the same responce i always get to a certain subject.
They seem attracted to me and yadda yadda yadda...
we will flirt and all...
Then we will talk about sexual stuff and i mension that i am a virgin.
I have noticed a definate 180 after that comes up.
They mension about being friends and blah blah blah.
First of all i already knew that a guy being a virgin isnt a turn on but it seems it is a super turn off.
I bet thats even why kate doesnt like me... not nessisarrily being a virgin but lack of experience rather.
I 100% guarentee that Kates new bf has alot more experience sexually... at least compared to me... but i bet even her, i wouldnt be surprised if it turns out that kates new bf isnt even a virgin.
I ever remember something that Kate and i talked about... and her responce was in jest but it was truthful none the less. It was:
We were talking about if she turned out to be a lesbo...
I said if it turns out she is a lesbo, if she would then want to have sex with aguy at least once, that guy being me.
She said, "no, if i was to have sex for the first time it would be with someone who isnt a virgin. Id want someone with more experience."
She said it as a joking responce but it was in truth still.
I have gotten the same reactions from every woman in the past year.... woman that i was beginning to get close to and then poof... all of a sudden its talk of friendship and blah blah blah.... stupid bitches...
Now while i very much want to wait and lose it to someone that i will always want to remember... have it special... I am beginning to believe i will never find anyone special because i am a virgin and too inexperienced.
I have found myself now considering just doing it... just to get it over with.
I will never be able to be anything but a "friend" as long as i am a virgin.
I was going to hang out with this chick Adina... extremely hot, friday night but it turns out i am going to Las Vegas this weekend and leaving friday... later today, whatever. So i will be hanging out with her next week but i am going to make sure that from now on i wont mension my virginity....
Right now, the only one i would want to lose my virginity too is Kate. I would have gladly if she didnt want to wait until marrage.... but still... she is the only one special enough to me that id want to be first....
So... perhaps on another note... going out there right away and having sex... even if i dont really want too would help me get over kate.
I was also going to save myself for someone special to set an example to others... to not necessarily save it for marrage but save it for someone special after having a long relationship...
But i think to myself that is stupid now... I'm no example... not a rolemodel... I'm no fuckin bloody saint.
So fuck it.
I am definatly not going to mension that i am a virgin... even if i have to lie (which is something that cuts me down to the bone to do) and keep that interest from the chick... and if it leads to me losing my viriginity, withouth the others knowledge that its my first time, then so be it...
I just dont know yet...
It all would have been alot easier if Kate and I had sex back when we were together... then none of this would be an issue... oh well.
So yeah.... I AM GOING TO LAS VEGAS TONIGHT!
Going on a plane and flying there. Gonna drink and gamble.
Also... another thing that i seem to have a problem with... i keep going to eat at places or hearing songs... and i cant help but think if kate would like it or not...
I found this place downtown... the entire restaurent is in this huge middleeastern tent thingy... went there with joel and others...
And then there is this song... You're Beautiful by James Blunt and i cant help but think that kate would like it...
If you read this Kate, please ask check those things out, i think youd really like em...
Me outtie.