how to live life like an idiot...by kelsey harris
Why is it every time I meet a frenchman, I HAVE to say "sac le bleu"? I mean, really...freewill my ass. This french guy comes up and my mental dialogue consists of "don't say it-don'tsayit-don'tsac le bleu!" And there it is. Cartoons have truly rotted my brain: Anal-Anti-Tv-Moms:1 Kelsey: 0 (brain). Want another? Last night I'm gonna have another date with Todd (god, everytime I think the name, Kelsey Narrator says it all california surfer-like: "Tooodd"...I expect it's the same with everyone eh? Just one of those names, haha) who picks a chain restaurant that I'd never heard of. Naturally, we are both feeling stood up for about half an hour 'cause we went to different locations. So, he ended up finding out about my secret cell phone and we had a nice date. Upon getting to know him better, I'm not tragically in love anymore, but he is a sweetie and I'm endeared by his nervousness and nerdiness. He did mention "our kids" at one point, which immediatly sends off the alarms (although to be fair, after date one I was picturing the bridesmaids dresses I was gonna make yall wear, haha). I made him kiss me by asking point blank whether or not he was going to while in the parking lot...what a Jezebel! Oh, but I must not forget the final flourish of my idiocy. Coming back from a walk, I walked to the corner of the hall to enter my apartment, wondering how I could have left the tv on. I stuck in the key and pushed the door which opened unlocked and walked into a complete strangers apartment! I had left the elevator 2 floors early. I blindly say "Oh!", slam the door, and run down the hall to the stairwell (why do I always say "oh" in those situations? There has to be a God, because evolution wouldn't design me to announce my screwups that might have otherwise gone unnoticed). And that, is how you live like an idiot.