Dec 14, 2003 02:36
honestly everything is clear now. i know where i stand. its a lil shitty down here on the bottom. but i have to know thats what happens when you give them what they want and then some. it bites you in the ass.
all this time i fabricated everythign to make it seem natural, to lie and feel comfortable, (when thats a feeling i know longer know.) try to pretend im happy with it, bc you know what it was good to have that mirage of happiness. To make everyone else think it was cool and i was cool with it. deep down everyone fuckin knew it wasnt for me, it wasnt anything i needed. I lied to everyone bout it. i like to put on that show im strong independent dont need anything from anyone. guess what that was a crock of shit too. i give up. if i died now i wouldnt care. if i could run away today i would. if i could just do anything to make myself happy, no matter what means it would be done. so sianara