(no subject)
i was home alone and i had just finished watching v for vendetta.i was sitting on the toilet with the bathroom door open. and i began the sentence "i wish..." intending to finish it with some wish that i could live alone, with alec, or something along the lines of not living with my parents and loving the feeling of being alone. but i didn't finish the sentence. my brow furrowed and i began to stutter "i wish... i want..." ... my furrowed brow deepened as i searched for the words. what do i want? well i want to go to college, i want to be successful and well-known while being incredibly humble and compassionate. but what do i want now? what do i really want? do i want to be skinny like natalie portman? do i want short hair? do i want to run away? do i want make art? do i want to be with alec? do i want more friends? do i want to have a great laugh? do i want to make a really good first impression?
what would any of this change? nothing. inside, we are here. we are magnificent beings, i think. i think we are capable of so many multi-dimensional wonders that we don't recognize and use every day. i don't know what i am capable of. i barely know myself. i know what makes me smile and what makes me cringe, but inside-- twisted underneath what i think i know, what is there?
i just don't know.
what would any of this change? nothing. inside, we are here. we are magnificent beings, i think. i think we are capable of so many multi-dimensional wonders that we don't recognize and use every day. i don't know what i am capable of. i barely know myself. i know what makes me smile and what makes me cringe, but inside-- twisted underneath what i think i know, what is there?
i just don't know.