Comments | supfandom: A Long Way Down {Mass Effect}

supfandom

A Long Way Down {Mass Effect}

Mar 07, 2010 17:41

Title: A Long Way Down
Fandom: Mass Effect
Characters: Garrus Vakarian, Commander Shepard
Word Count: 2,064 ( Read more... )

garrus, mass effect, shepard, fic

Comments 8

baroque_tragedy March 8 2010, 02:52:29 UTC

I really liked this, especially your Garrus. I thought he was wonderfully in-character. :)

supfandom March 8 2010, 08:04:41 UTC

thanks! writing a character for the first time always makes me a little bit nervous

skybound2 March 8 2010, 04:07:39 UTC

Oh, I LOVED this! The final set of lines were just perfect. And your Shepard is so very human, which I really enjoyed. I'd love to see more with her (and Garrus of course!) Nicely done!

supfandom March 8 2010, 08:07:36 UTC

thanks for reading! shepard's actually kind of difficult--i did my best not to pigeonhole her too much, so people could see their shepard easily in the role, but still tried to make her a fleshed out character.

part of me wants to keep it that way, while another part of me wants to put in all those little details about my specific shepard. one or two already wormed their way in there. decisions, decisions.

banana_cave March 8 2010, 05:21:39 UTC

It took me a bit to get into your writing style. The wording seems odd in the first two sentences of the second paragraph.

The "assuming" part seems to be worded a bit awkwardly, too, although I do like the joke there. Garrus suddenly finds himself drinking with Shepard on the Presidium. Amazing!

Overall, I enjoyed reading it. I really like how you write Garrus. I'd be more than glad to read more of your fic in the future. :-)

supfandom March 8 2010, 08:13:45 UTC

first off--thank you so much for good constructive criticism. i always get a little scared, but then remind myself that its how you grow. =D

unfortunately, i'm out of practice. this fic got the dubious privilege of being an exercise for my flabby writing muscles.

regarding the assuming joke - yeah, i definitely see what you mean. i think some more emphasis on the 'assuming' bit, maybe a bit of repetition might have made it come across cleaner. and some reworking of the sentence structure. yeesh.

thanks for the read! hopefully my next one will be a bit stronger :B

banana_cave March 9 2010, 17:46:56 UTC

I never know if I should give constructive criticism or not, so thanks for not taking it personally. ^^ That was very good for being out of practice, actually!

And I wouldn't mind reading more of your fics, especially if it involves Garrus! Like I said, I really like how you wrote him!

supfandom March 9 2010, 19:53:07 UTC

oh don't worry. more will be on their way soon. =D