its been a while...
wow, its been a pretty long time since i've actually sat down and typed an entry..
I've just been so uneasy and insecure i guess. I don't really want things to change, i just want them to get better, i dont know if that even makes any sence but it does to me.
We had a motivational speaker at school today and he wasn't one of those boring, sterotypical speakersa. He was talking about a bunch of stuff that actually got to me. He was talking about how bad things happen to good people and brittany popped in my mind, i haven't cried about her in a while and i just started bawling, it just kept running through my mind, why? why? why? why did she have to go? I know this is going to be a bit of a shocker but i have been struggling with a bit of self image problems i have just been feeling unpretty, well ive been feeling this way for a while and it just keeps getting worse and worse. No matter how much people tell me that they think i am pretty or beautiful it doesn't stick in my mind, i hate it. I envy so many girls at my school now, i hate it, self image was never a big deal to me but i have made it into an obsesstion. I hate when i say to myself, "I WANT TO BE HER" that is the worst thing i could possibly say to myself. I really need to be happy with my self and i don't know how to do it. I could probably buy all the clothes in the world and still not be happy. ew. i hate this feeling. The speaker was telling us not be a copy, we are all originals and prototypes, i guess it made me feel a little better, but ugh. I am probably going to an ASA game, great... here comes some more low self esstem issues. I have a boyfriend to tell me I'm beautiful, why aren't I happy with myself, why should i worry about what others think about me... it's just how i feel i guess.
I've also been real uneasy about stuff... I'm scared. It makes my stomach turn when i think about it.
<3 Wendy
I've just been so uneasy and insecure i guess. I don't really want things to change, i just want them to get better, i dont know if that even makes any sence but it does to me.
We had a motivational speaker at school today and he wasn't one of those boring, sterotypical speakersa. He was talking about a bunch of stuff that actually got to me. He was talking about how bad things happen to good people and brittany popped in my mind, i haven't cried about her in a while and i just started bawling, it just kept running through my mind, why? why? why? why did she have to go? I know this is going to be a bit of a shocker but i have been struggling with a bit of self image problems i have just been feeling unpretty, well ive been feeling this way for a while and it just keeps getting worse and worse. No matter how much people tell me that they think i am pretty or beautiful it doesn't stick in my mind, i hate it. I envy so many girls at my school now, i hate it, self image was never a big deal to me but i have made it into an obsesstion. I hate when i say to myself, "I WANT TO BE HER" that is the worst thing i could possibly say to myself. I really need to be happy with my self and i don't know how to do it. I could probably buy all the clothes in the world and still not be happy. ew. i hate this feeling. The speaker was telling us not be a copy, we are all originals and prototypes, i guess it made me feel a little better, but ugh. I am probably going to an ASA game, great... here comes some more low self esstem issues. I have a boyfriend to tell me I'm beautiful, why aren't I happy with myself, why should i worry about what others think about me... it's just how i feel i guess.
I've also been real uneasy about stuff... I'm scared. It makes my stomach turn when i think about it.
<3 Wendy