The Odd Couple 5.9
Good grief. I am now a master leaf stomper. Behold the suger plum dance of the drunken leaf lady! Will finals please be over? Like now? Please?
We now return you to As The Clex Turns!
~~~
Great, he’d made the clown man laugh. After doing a few twirls and shooting some more, the man strolled like he hadn’t a care in the world over to their bullet ridden table. As he came closer, his grin seemed to block out everything in the room. The thugs and their sub-machine guns covered the exits with quiet menace.
And it was getting to be a full year since Lex’s last hostage situation. When was he ever going to beat his record?
Bruce’s knife was missing from the table.
Lex clutched his soup spoon and blanched.
Fat load of Will To Power this utensil was going to do.
He wanted to lunge for a fork but the green not so funny man was upon them. He sat down next to Lex and threw an arm around him, using his other hand to grab his wine glass. This guy had no problems with sharing his personal space. Why the hell was Bruce taking the time to fiddle with his watch? Lex would hate to have to part with his mother’s, but he wasn’t going to risk being searched by that yellow grin.
“Good evening gents!”
“Who the hell are you?”
“You haven’t heard of the Joker? The estimable Mr. J? No? Well, I suppose we don’t usually gossip in the same circles.” The man pondered.
Taking all the time of a connoisseur he sniffed and took a sip, then spit it out in a messy fashion.
“Ugh. Who says the rich have taste? Oh, garrison?”
Out of his peripheral vision he could see a waiter ring a silent alarm by a wall, only to get shot in a leg for her troubles.
“What a lack of service! I’m terribly unimpressed. Guess she’ll have to take her tip in lead!” He threw back his head and laughed.
Lex prepared to throw a punch, only to have the man put a strange looking gun to his chest.
“You’ve got guts. How about I take them instead?”
“Are we negotiating? What are your demands?” Lex treated it just like another business deal.
“This is more of a charity, really. Give, give, give until it hurts, or I’ll hurt you!”
“If we’re dead, that defeats the purpose.” Keep talking steadily.
“Who said you’d die?”
“You’re certainly killing me with bad jokes.”
Bruce’s eyes widened and his look called Lex a moron.
Might be unwise to insult the funniness of an insane man that bothers to dress and base his persona as a reject circus clown.
“I don’t have a bad sense of humor, do I boys?” The madman spoke out in a wounded voice.
“Of course not, boss!”
“We just have a rotten audience.”
Joker started to grin and Lex heard the trigger starting to be pulled.
“Batman will come.” Bruce spoke softly.
The action stopped.
“He’ll be angry if you harm those under his protection.”
“What do I care what a flying mouse gets around to doing?”
“Money is negotiable. Murder is not.” When did Bruce take over, dammit?
“Who’s Batman? How do we know he’s not worse than this guy?”
The Joker’s tone was jovial and cruel as he stretched one arm, while the other held the gun steady at him.
“Batso is a pure grade lunatic if I ever saw one. Makes me look tame. You should fear for your life, though he especially loves to pick on poor little me for some reason.”
“Maybe he thinks two nuts equal a sundae.” Lex muttered.
The Joker laughed wildly.
“I like you. But don’t steal my act and I won’t have to kill you.”
“Point taken.”
They waited for another few minutes until the blaring of police cars in the distance told the people that the next phase had finally arrived. The Joker sent out a man to claim his demands of millions of dollars for taking the two richest men around for hostage. The other people in the room were just extra insurance after all. His demand list was very long and it was taking extra time to read it, Lex wondered what extra parapanelia Joker wanted. Maybe it was better not to know.
He heard a frustrated voice through a bullhorn.
“WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET FIVE TONS OF BANANA PUDDING?”
Definitely better not to know.
The insane man chatted on incidentally about money and how his way of thinking was much better than those idiots at Arkham Asylum ever gave him credit for. Some plant lady and bird guy were really pissed at him too, from what Lex could tell. And of course he would be a remote hog.
“And no one seems to appreciate the value of the color purple any more. Surely you can understand my need for more money to accessorize.”
Of course Lex was wearing purple, and was the only damn person in the restaurant that had chosen to do so.
Bruce just sat and kind of meditated. But Lex knew he was quite aware.
Lex might have been able to keep corner if the guy hadn’t chosen him for his ‘old chum’ for the evening. Meditating just didn’t seem like much of an option while in the company of a homicidal attention whore.
“I do wonder what’s taking them so long.” Joker finally mentioned.
Suddenly a goon came in.
“We got a refusal. Luthor won’t pay.”
Ah, dad. Knew I could count on not being able to count on you.
“Oh, the audience must pay for the show. We don’t take kindly to freeloaders.”
The gun was up again.
“You have to call my secretary at my own company. She’ll do whatever I say.” Lex said.
“Hmmm...but you don’t have the kind of money your daddy has.”
The trigger started it’s decent.
Lex held up the spoon.
“What’s that supposed to do?” Joker chuckled.
“Distract you.”
Lex used his left hand to fling the bubbling rest of his soup at the Joker’s hands.
Joker screamed.
Lex had forgotten the plate still had a small flame on under it to keep the liquid piping hot. He was still close enough to the man that his clothes were stained but he wanted that gun.
But Joker only laughed again and pulled out another gun.
“Waiter, there’s a clown in my soup.” Was all he could say.
“What did I tell you about trying to out gag me?”
“What I’d do for one right about now.”
“You!” Joker snarled.
Bruce was about to intervene yet again when Lex found himself lifted out of the booth by a big black blur.
He found himself in the arms of a strange capped man that had his face covered except his jaw to speak. His lips were quite full from what Lex could make out in the darkness of the corner he’d been hidden in. The man was tall, imposing, but the aurora around him felt off. But not in a negative and run for your life screaming way. There was no mistaking it, the man was cradling him, taking his time. Lex felt safe here, strange as it sounded. It was weird to get the vibe of home off a guy that may have as many screws loose as the present company he held.
Yet he still found himself not enjoying being the damsel in distress. He was determined to get to his feet again and into the fray.
“Batman, I presume?” Lex queried as nonchalantly as he could.
His only response was a burning kiss.
~~~
We now return you to As The Clex Turns!
~~~
Great, he’d made the clown man laugh. After doing a few twirls and shooting some more, the man strolled like he hadn’t a care in the world over to their bullet ridden table. As he came closer, his grin seemed to block out everything in the room. The thugs and their sub-machine guns covered the exits with quiet menace.
And it was getting to be a full year since Lex’s last hostage situation. When was he ever going to beat his record?
Bruce’s knife was missing from the table.
Lex clutched his soup spoon and blanched.
Fat load of Will To Power this utensil was going to do.
He wanted to lunge for a fork but the green not so funny man was upon them. He sat down next to Lex and threw an arm around him, using his other hand to grab his wine glass. This guy had no problems with sharing his personal space. Why the hell was Bruce taking the time to fiddle with his watch? Lex would hate to have to part with his mother’s, but he wasn’t going to risk being searched by that yellow grin.
“Good evening gents!”
“Who the hell are you?”
“You haven’t heard of the Joker? The estimable Mr. J? No? Well, I suppose we don’t usually gossip in the same circles.” The man pondered.
Taking all the time of a connoisseur he sniffed and took a sip, then spit it out in a messy fashion.
“Ugh. Who says the rich have taste? Oh, garrison?”
Out of his peripheral vision he could see a waiter ring a silent alarm by a wall, only to get shot in a leg for her troubles.
“What a lack of service! I’m terribly unimpressed. Guess she’ll have to take her tip in lead!” He threw back his head and laughed.
Lex prepared to throw a punch, only to have the man put a strange looking gun to his chest.
“You’ve got guts. How about I take them instead?”
“Are we negotiating? What are your demands?” Lex treated it just like another business deal.
“This is more of a charity, really. Give, give, give until it hurts, or I’ll hurt you!”
“If we’re dead, that defeats the purpose.” Keep talking steadily.
“Who said you’d die?”
“You’re certainly killing me with bad jokes.”
Bruce’s eyes widened and his look called Lex a moron.
Might be unwise to insult the funniness of an insane man that bothers to dress and base his persona as a reject circus clown.
“I don’t have a bad sense of humor, do I boys?” The madman spoke out in a wounded voice.
“Of course not, boss!”
“We just have a rotten audience.”
Joker started to grin and Lex heard the trigger starting to be pulled.
“Batman will come.” Bruce spoke softly.
The action stopped.
“He’ll be angry if you harm those under his protection.”
“What do I care what a flying mouse gets around to doing?”
“Money is negotiable. Murder is not.” When did Bruce take over, dammit?
“Who’s Batman? How do we know he’s not worse than this guy?”
The Joker’s tone was jovial and cruel as he stretched one arm, while the other held the gun steady at him.
“Batso is a pure grade lunatic if I ever saw one. Makes me look tame. You should fear for your life, though he especially loves to pick on poor little me for some reason.”
“Maybe he thinks two nuts equal a sundae.” Lex muttered.
The Joker laughed wildly.
“I like you. But don’t steal my act and I won’t have to kill you.”
“Point taken.”
They waited for another few minutes until the blaring of police cars in the distance told the people that the next phase had finally arrived. The Joker sent out a man to claim his demands of millions of dollars for taking the two richest men around for hostage. The other people in the room were just extra insurance after all. His demand list was very long and it was taking extra time to read it, Lex wondered what extra parapanelia Joker wanted. Maybe it was better not to know.
He heard a frustrated voice through a bullhorn.
“WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET FIVE TONS OF BANANA PUDDING?”
Definitely better not to know.
The insane man chatted on incidentally about money and how his way of thinking was much better than those idiots at Arkham Asylum ever gave him credit for. Some plant lady and bird guy were really pissed at him too, from what Lex could tell. And of course he would be a remote hog.
“And no one seems to appreciate the value of the color purple any more. Surely you can understand my need for more money to accessorize.”
Of course Lex was wearing purple, and was the only damn person in the restaurant that had chosen to do so.
Bruce just sat and kind of meditated. But Lex knew he was quite aware.
Lex might have been able to keep corner if the guy hadn’t chosen him for his ‘old chum’ for the evening. Meditating just didn’t seem like much of an option while in the company of a homicidal attention whore.
“I do wonder what’s taking them so long.” Joker finally mentioned.
Suddenly a goon came in.
“We got a refusal. Luthor won’t pay.”
Ah, dad. Knew I could count on not being able to count on you.
“Oh, the audience must pay for the show. We don’t take kindly to freeloaders.”
The gun was up again.
“You have to call my secretary at my own company. She’ll do whatever I say.” Lex said.
“Hmmm...but you don’t have the kind of money your daddy has.”
The trigger started it’s decent.
Lex held up the spoon.
“What’s that supposed to do?” Joker chuckled.
“Distract you.”
Lex used his left hand to fling the bubbling rest of his soup at the Joker’s hands.
Joker screamed.
Lex had forgotten the plate still had a small flame on under it to keep the liquid piping hot. He was still close enough to the man that his clothes were stained but he wanted that gun.
But Joker only laughed again and pulled out another gun.
“Waiter, there’s a clown in my soup.” Was all he could say.
“What did I tell you about trying to out gag me?”
“What I’d do for one right about now.”
“You!” Joker snarled.
Bruce was about to intervene yet again when Lex found himself lifted out of the booth by a big black blur.
He found himself in the arms of a strange capped man that had his face covered except his jaw to speak. His lips were quite full from what Lex could make out in the darkness of the corner he’d been hidden in. The man was tall, imposing, but the aurora around him felt off. But not in a negative and run for your life screaming way. There was no mistaking it, the man was cradling him, taking his time. Lex felt safe here, strange as it sounded. It was weird to get the vibe of home off a guy that may have as many screws loose as the present company he held.
Yet he still found himself not enjoying being the damsel in distress. He was determined to get to his feet again and into the fray.
“Batman, I presume?” Lex queried as nonchalantly as he could.
His only response was a burning kiss.
~~~