quietly whisper when my heart wants to SCREAM
My feel for you, boy, is decaying in front of me
Like the carrion of a murdered prey
And all I want is to save you, honey
Or the strength to walk away
I went out with some friends last night at this fancy restaurant in downtown Dallas that had these strong apple martinis that I felt very tipsy after only one drink since I rarely drink it hit me fast and I guess I felt "drunk" in a sense after I finished it. I became overly emotional while I was out and I was holding back tears so I wouldn't have an emotional breakdown in public and in front of my friends. I came back home and I can't stop the tears. I didn't want to cry and my pretty makeup is all ruined cause I got a new lipstick. Crying is just part of my life.. as it will always be I suppose. I should just accept this.
I've been numb these past few days.. so utterly numb & broken & bruised. I'm sickly and diseased with a problematic heart.
I had another intense conversation with one of my friends about love and sex, and once again I appear to be the sickening hopeless romantic with her head in the clouds whom she can not understand. She doesn't understand.. I would actually act out every single one of my fantasies, therefore they are not really fantasies per say or in the sense she spoke of them. I do not need to keep everything locked away in my head as she does.. "..fantasies you wouldn't act out because maybe it's usafe or.." No, I tell a lover I have at the present time everything about my sexual desires because I'd want to fulfill the fantasy with them. My fantasies constantly center around undeniable electrifying body-aching passion. She thought it was sickening how there is always "feeling" in them. She can't understand how when I do love I think of doing nothing that would exclude them. I must be abnormal. And now that I do not love, sex was eventually sort of flushed from my system somehow.. for days at a time it seems.. temporarily anyway.. and then it comes back. That desire and need for fulfillment. To be touched.. and consumed. It's just that the person.. the one I would love.. gets all of me.. a part of me those I do and can not love will never see. fiercely sexual closet-slut.
Ineedtobefucked.
Like the carrion of a murdered prey
And all I want is to save you, honey
Or the strength to walk away
I went out with some friends last night at this fancy restaurant in downtown Dallas that had these strong apple martinis that I felt very tipsy after only one drink since I rarely drink it hit me fast and I guess I felt "drunk" in a sense after I finished it. I became overly emotional while I was out and I was holding back tears so I wouldn't have an emotional breakdown in public and in front of my friends. I came back home and I can't stop the tears. I didn't want to cry and my pretty makeup is all ruined cause I got a new lipstick. Crying is just part of my life.. as it will always be I suppose. I should just accept this.
I've been numb these past few days.. so utterly numb & broken & bruised. I'm sickly and diseased with a problematic heart.
I had another intense conversation with one of my friends about love and sex, and once again I appear to be the sickening hopeless romantic with her head in the clouds whom she can not understand. She doesn't understand.. I would actually act out every single one of my fantasies, therefore they are not really fantasies per say or in the sense she spoke of them. I do not need to keep everything locked away in my head as she does.. "..fantasies you wouldn't act out because maybe it's usafe or.." No, I tell a lover I have at the present time everything about my sexual desires because I'd want to fulfill the fantasy with them. My fantasies constantly center around undeniable electrifying body-aching passion. She thought it was sickening how there is always "feeling" in them. She can't understand how when I do love I think of doing nothing that would exclude them. I must be abnormal. And now that I do not love, sex was eventually sort of flushed from my system somehow.. for days at a time it seems.. temporarily anyway.. and then it comes back. That desire and need for fulfillment. To be touched.. and consumed. It's just that the person.. the one I would love.. gets all of me.. a part of me those I do and can not love will never see. fiercely sexual closet-slut.
Ineedtobefucked.