If you take these things from me....
You never know what lies behind the door of a new day. To finally be understood. I want someone to break open my mind.. feel my soul.. Why is it so hard to comprehend? love&in love. To be loved truly, madly, completely, deeply. I'm tired of the complications.. the struggle.. the heartache.. the madness. The painful madness. I want the good madness, the blinding soul-hurt blissfully delightful madness. I just wanted his kisses, his touch, to care if I was there, to want me to be there, to say that he cared. "I don't want to lose you." Would I ever hear those words escape anyone's lips again? Those moments, the good times, the happiness, me.. it all means nothing to him. He can let it go like an old shirt. goodbye. You can stay or not stay, it doesn't matter either way. From someone who loved you too much to someone who can't love you enough. This is one place where I do not want an extreme.. just something in between. He could never understand.. or truly read these eyes.. the ones he talked about in the first place.. but he has no idea what they say.. what they scream.. why they have cried. There are words written all over them.. but did he ever bother to look? To truly look? How can someone be so blind. self-delusion. How can one speak of a compassion he never gave.. all those times I cried before him. Where was the compassion that was rightfully mine? & He speaks of compassion. Three months I cried in bathtubs, and held back those same tears in corners of auditoriums, hid behind my books and tinted sunglasses. I was sick with a diseased and broken heart. I didn't know what I was anymore.. sometimes I'd forget to breathe. It hurt to breathe. How could I be crying every single night and him not be there for me? How could I have pleaded to work things out and him brush me off so cold and easily?
"I thought it was the right thing to do.. you weren't happy."
"Ahh yes, but I seemed so happy without you."
I don't take light of giving myself to someone that way. sex, love, soul. I don't give any of that to just anyone. Am I not careful enough? But alas Andrea.. you made the decision of starting this again.. of taking that chance.. you've been hurt before. He may say it is because of what is going on now, but it's always been the same. the same. the same. the same. always the same problem. And it doesn't matter if he was going through this, because he'd dismiss you anyway, because that's how he is and he's done it before. He doesn't even think you should have the right to speak your mind. You speak and you are condemned. Crucified! He lies, he says he wants you to express your feelings, but when you do, he asks you why you do not hold them back to forget yourself and only think of him. He expects you to do that after recently SLO WLYY DY II NNG for three months. He expects you to give it all up when he could never give you anything.. not one ounce of effort or concern for months and months.. And now he wants you to shut up.
Now he manipulates you.. makes you the enemy. treats you like a stranger. turns his back on you.. goes against you.. emotionless and apathetic. this is what you get for saying the truth. he only loves you under certain conditions. get it through your head..
You can never win this battle.
Give up.
You lose.
I wish I could move into a castle in Europe. I would be deliriously happy even if for only a few days.
No one has said what the truth should be
And no one decided that I'd feel this way
If you felt as I
Would you betray yourself
But, you can't deny how I feel
And you can't decide for me
"I thought it was the right thing to do.. you weren't happy."
"Ahh yes, but I seemed so happy without you."
I don't take light of giving myself to someone that way. sex, love, soul. I don't give any of that to just anyone. Am I not careful enough? But alas Andrea.. you made the decision of starting this again.. of taking that chance.. you've been hurt before. He may say it is because of what is going on now, but it's always been the same. the same. the same. the same. always the same problem. And it doesn't matter if he was going through this, because he'd dismiss you anyway, because that's how he is and he's done it before. He doesn't even think you should have the right to speak your mind. You speak and you are condemned. Crucified! He lies, he says he wants you to express your feelings, but when you do, he asks you why you do not hold them back to forget yourself and only think of him. He expects you to do that after recently SLO WLYY DY II NNG for three months. He expects you to give it all up when he could never give you anything.. not one ounce of effort or concern for months and months.. And now he wants you to shut up.
Now he manipulates you.. makes you the enemy. treats you like a stranger. turns his back on you.. goes against you.. emotionless and apathetic. this is what you get for saying the truth. he only loves you under certain conditions. get it through your head..
You can never win this battle.
Give up.
You lose.
I wish I could move into a castle in Europe. I would be deliriously happy even if for only a few days.
No one has said what the truth should be
And no one decided that I'd feel this way
If you felt as I
Would you betray yourself
But, you can't deny how I feel
And you can't decide for me