a Friday night of much discussion.
First: I got back from Medieval Times about a half hour ago. It was Marianne's birthday, so I went with her and a bunch of her other friends. We were in the Yellow and Gold section, and Marianne caught a flower from our knight, who then went on to lose in the first round of the joust. The Blue knight looked a little bit like Ben Barnes, circa Prince Caspian. He had that same nice mane of dark hair and swagger. Good times.
Second: today at work, a woman asked me to heat a bottle for her baby. I actually ended up doing it because it was only for thirty seconds and the woman was very nice, but still. I think that's up there with one of the stranger requests customers have had for me.
Third: I get emails from FirstShowing.net, and in the latest digest the fourth story immediately caught my eye: First Official 'Skyfall' Photo Features Daniel Craig as Bond in a Speedo. I am easy like Sunday morning. Immediately clicked on that. It wasn't until I took a second look that I saw that the article above it held equal interest to me.
And then my brain goes, "Who would win in a fight: Captain America or James Bond?"
Speaking of Bond, I have become kind of fond of that theory that James Bond is a codename and/or the idea that Bond is a Time Lord. It makes it interesting, and then something like this happens, and your brain goes, "Wouldn't that be cool?"
(And this is one long aside, but I've had this stupid idea going in my head for a few years now: James Bond, James Ford, James Kirk, and James Norrington all in a bar. Think of the conversation.)
Fourth: I joined ljrevival, and have picked up a few new friends along the way. So hi to the new people! [waves]
Fifth: I think I'm going to take a break from my regular Tumblr, because lately, checking my dashboard feels like an exercise in giving myself an anxiety attack, especially in regards to a lot of social issues within society writ large and within entertainment. Here's the thing: I know that to not acknowledge various amounts of inequity is just not possible, and possibly even foolish. But lately it feels like day after day I'm getting this stream of "this is your daily dose of why the world is terrible" or "this is your daily dose of why you, as a black woman in America/the world are oppressed", and it just makes me feel on edge and anxious and completely powerless, and I find absolutely no power whatsoever in seeing a stream of news that basically amounts to "the world does not care about you."
The following gets deep and wordy, with talk about identity and racism and why I am sick of reading negative social justice stories on Tumblr.
When I was in eighth grade, right before we moved, I got into this elective class that was one part shop class and one part career planning. We had to do a report on a job that we wished we could have. At the time, I really wanted to be a magazine editor. So I brought in a copy of this magazine I'd made (cover drawn by a friend, articles typed in Microsoft Works and printed from our home printer), looked up the average yearly salary for an editor, and gave my oral presentation without passing out in horror--and I am terrible at oral presentations. I don't remember a single question that my classmates asked, but I do remember one question that the teacher (a black man in his mid-40s, about the same age as my dad would have been around that time) asked me: "How do you think that you, as a black woman, will be able to thrive in that industry?"
It was the first time in my life that I ever felt like my being black and being a girl could be a hindrance.
Yeah, I was fourteen and not entirely versed in how deeply unfair the world can be for black women. I had hints of how unfair it was in the past--my parents' high school graduating class was the last all-black class at their school, if I remember correctly; they grew up in middle of the Civil Rights Movement. I understood at fourteen that being black could be a problem to some people and being female could be a problem to some people, but I never thought until that point in my life that maybe there was something doubly threatening to people just because I was both.
I've struggled with issues involving my identity for the longest. I've worried if I was somehow breaking some unwritten code of blackness because I was more attracted to white/Hispanic guys. I never learned how to code switch, so the kids in my church choir and the other girls in my Girl Scout troop thought I was snotty because I used big words and occasionally said the word "dude". I've come to this point where I don't worry as much about these things because really, I've been in this body with this skin for twenty-six years, and I would never, ever change who I am.
But the fact remains that simply because I am who I am, I face a host of challenges and disadvantages and stereotypes. And I accept those challenges, because I am not the kind of person who likes being told what I cannot do. I think that's why I feel so depressed and pissed when I see those messages like "female directors make less than men", "black women are less likely to be married", this, that, and the other. For as much as I beat myself up about things, I see things like this and get depressed and then I take offense to them, like, "Who said I can't? Do they know me?"
To me, there is nothing positive in reposting and reiterating these negative points. Yes, fandom does terrible disservices to female characters and characters of color. Yes, the world has and continues to do terrible disservices to women and people of color. But constantly dwelling on that, constantly getting angry about that, and being mired in that mix of anger and disappointment and outrage does not make me feel more aware or inspired to change. It makes me feel sick and powerless and I hate that. You can't expect someone like me, someone who internalizes things to a shocking degree, to feel moved to action with negativity and anger. You've got to balance that out with some positivity, some hope. If you don't have even the tiniest shred of hope, you don't have the promise that someday things can improve.
Is it too much to want a balance?
That got so long because it's been building for a while.
NOTE: I am usually not this serious business, because I am terrible at being serious. This is part of the reason why I don't talk about major social issues unless it's something that really gets under my skin, and usually in that case I resort to capslocking like an angry twelve year old or heavy amounts of sarcasm, because that's how I deal when I'm angry.
At any rate... that's what I have for tonight.
This entry was originally posted at http://enamoured.dreamwidth.org/30608.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Second: today at work, a woman asked me to heat a bottle for her baby. I actually ended up doing it because it was only for thirty seconds and the woman was very nice, but still. I think that's up there with one of the stranger requests customers have had for me.
Third: I get emails from FirstShowing.net, and in the latest digest the fourth story immediately caught my eye: First Official 'Skyfall' Photo Features Daniel Craig as Bond in a Speedo. I am easy like Sunday morning. Immediately clicked on that. It wasn't until I took a second look that I saw that the article above it held equal interest to me.
And then my brain goes, "Who would win in a fight: Captain America or James Bond?"
Speaking of Bond, I have become kind of fond of that theory that James Bond is a codename and/or the idea that Bond is a Time Lord. It makes it interesting, and then something like this happens, and your brain goes, "Wouldn't that be cool?"
(And this is one long aside, but I've had this stupid idea going in my head for a few years now: James Bond, James Ford, James Kirk, and James Norrington all in a bar. Think of the conversation.)
Fourth: I joined ljrevival, and have picked up a few new friends along the way. So hi to the new people! [waves]
Fifth: I think I'm going to take a break from my regular Tumblr, because lately, checking my dashboard feels like an exercise in giving myself an anxiety attack, especially in regards to a lot of social issues within society writ large and within entertainment. Here's the thing: I know that to not acknowledge various amounts of inequity is just not possible, and possibly even foolish. But lately it feels like day after day I'm getting this stream of "this is your daily dose of why the world is terrible" or "this is your daily dose of why you, as a black woman in America/the world are oppressed", and it just makes me feel on edge and anxious and completely powerless, and I find absolutely no power whatsoever in seeing a stream of news that basically amounts to "the world does not care about you."
The following gets deep and wordy, with talk about identity and racism and why I am sick of reading negative social justice stories on Tumblr.
When I was in eighth grade, right before we moved, I got into this elective class that was one part shop class and one part career planning. We had to do a report on a job that we wished we could have. At the time, I really wanted to be a magazine editor. So I brought in a copy of this magazine I'd made (cover drawn by a friend, articles typed in Microsoft Works and printed from our home printer), looked up the average yearly salary for an editor, and gave my oral presentation without passing out in horror--and I am terrible at oral presentations. I don't remember a single question that my classmates asked, but I do remember one question that the teacher (a black man in his mid-40s, about the same age as my dad would have been around that time) asked me: "How do you think that you, as a black woman, will be able to thrive in that industry?"
It was the first time in my life that I ever felt like my being black and being a girl could be a hindrance.
Yeah, I was fourteen and not entirely versed in how deeply unfair the world can be for black women. I had hints of how unfair it was in the past--my parents' high school graduating class was the last all-black class at their school, if I remember correctly; they grew up in middle of the Civil Rights Movement. I understood at fourteen that being black could be a problem to some people and being female could be a problem to some people, but I never thought until that point in my life that maybe there was something doubly threatening to people just because I was both.
I've struggled with issues involving my identity for the longest. I've worried if I was somehow breaking some unwritten code of blackness because I was more attracted to white/Hispanic guys. I never learned how to code switch, so the kids in my church choir and the other girls in my Girl Scout troop thought I was snotty because I used big words and occasionally said the word "dude". I've come to this point where I don't worry as much about these things because really, I've been in this body with this skin for twenty-six years, and I would never, ever change who I am.
But the fact remains that simply because I am who I am, I face a host of challenges and disadvantages and stereotypes. And I accept those challenges, because I am not the kind of person who likes being told what I cannot do. I think that's why I feel so depressed and pissed when I see those messages like "female directors make less than men", "black women are less likely to be married", this, that, and the other. For as much as I beat myself up about things, I see things like this and get depressed and then I take offense to them, like, "Who said I can't? Do they know me?"
To me, there is nothing positive in reposting and reiterating these negative points. Yes, fandom does terrible disservices to female characters and characters of color. Yes, the world has and continues to do terrible disservices to women and people of color. But constantly dwelling on that, constantly getting angry about that, and being mired in that mix of anger and disappointment and outrage does not make me feel more aware or inspired to change. It makes me feel sick and powerless and I hate that. You can't expect someone like me, someone who internalizes things to a shocking degree, to feel moved to action with negativity and anger. You've got to balance that out with some positivity, some hope. If you don't have even the tiniest shred of hope, you don't have the promise that someday things can improve.
Is it too much to want a balance?
That got so long because it's been building for a while.
NOTE: I am usually not this serious business, because I am terrible at being serious. This is part of the reason why I don't talk about major social issues unless it's something that really gets under my skin, and usually in that case I resort to capslocking like an angry twelve year old or heavy amounts of sarcasm, because that's how I deal when I'm angry.
At any rate... that's what I have for tonight.
This entry was originally posted at http://enamoured.dreamwidth.org/30608.html. Please comment there using OpenID.