oh, give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him.
There is something particularly terrible about rejection, in that when it happens to you so often you come to expect nothing but.
Case in point: I kind of have a crush on one of the guys who works at the comic shop near my college. I've seen him a grand total of three times and today I stopped by and saw him actually come in to work. The time before today, I went in and browsed and asked him for comic recs because I wanted to give anything Captain America a shot because of the movie, and I had no idea where to even begin there, and then I didn't have enough money so I put the first volume of Ultimate Avengers on hold thinking I'd come back to pick it up when I had time later that week.
That was in November, and part of the reason why I didn't go back (besides a lack of time) was due to sheer nerves.
So I went back in today, and I was looking around and they didn't have anything I was looking for except for Y: The Last Man so I got the first volume of that because my brain was going Uh, you have been in here how many times now and haven't bought anything? Buy something so you don't look like a total idiot! I went to the counter and paid, and we exchanged pleasantries and that was it. I left the store feeling ridiculously giddy because I HAD ACHIEVED CONTACT and OH MY GOSH, COMIC STORE GUY HAD GREAT ARMS (that had been obscured prior due to a shirt and oh my God, what is a guy like this doing working at a comic shop, oh my God.)
But then I thought about something, that idea that when men are interested in/attracted to women they approach and make a concerted effort to initiate anything. And my glee and elation instantly switched to apprehension and dread because this is what always happens to me when I like someone: I second-guess everything and try to figure out how to make a move, and 99.9% of the time they are woefully oblivious and completely uninterested.
That's the crux of my problem, I think. I'm terrified of approaching anyone I'm interested in because all my previous interactions with guys I've liked have been met with disinterest or dismissal, so I want confirmation from the guy so that I know he's game, but the guys I like are never the ones who are attracted to me. And the thing is that it could be for simple, preferential reasons in the same way that I'm always appalled by the fact that I get approached by guys who are too forward and call me "baby" without even knowing my first name. But then it just boils down to this: Who out there is actually going to want me?
Then again, I've only talked to/seen Comic Store Guy a grand total of about three times. Maybe it's lack of exposure. Or maybe he's really not interested.
Either way, who does want me out there? Will I ever find him?
Case in point: I kind of have a crush on one of the guys who works at the comic shop near my college. I've seen him a grand total of three times and today I stopped by and saw him actually come in to work. The time before today, I went in and browsed and asked him for comic recs because I wanted to give anything Captain America a shot because of the movie, and I had no idea where to even begin there, and then I didn't have enough money so I put the first volume of Ultimate Avengers on hold thinking I'd come back to pick it up when I had time later that week.
That was in November, and part of the reason why I didn't go back (besides a lack of time) was due to sheer nerves.
So I went back in today, and I was looking around and they didn't have anything I was looking for except for Y: The Last Man so I got the first volume of that because my brain was going Uh, you have been in here how many times now and haven't bought anything? Buy something so you don't look like a total idiot! I went to the counter and paid, and we exchanged pleasantries and that was it. I left the store feeling ridiculously giddy because I HAD ACHIEVED CONTACT and OH MY GOSH, COMIC STORE GUY HAD GREAT ARMS (that had been obscured prior due to a shirt and oh my God, what is a guy like this doing working at a comic shop, oh my God.)
But then I thought about something, that idea that when men are interested in/attracted to women they approach and make a concerted effort to initiate anything. And my glee and elation instantly switched to apprehension and dread because this is what always happens to me when I like someone: I second-guess everything and try to figure out how to make a move, and 99.9% of the time they are woefully oblivious and completely uninterested.
That's the crux of my problem, I think. I'm terrified of approaching anyone I'm interested in because all my previous interactions with guys I've liked have been met with disinterest or dismissal, so I want confirmation from the guy so that I know he's game, but the guys I like are never the ones who are attracted to me. And the thing is that it could be for simple, preferential reasons in the same way that I'm always appalled by the fact that I get approached by guys who are too forward and call me "baby" without even knowing my first name. But then it just boils down to this: Who out there is actually going to want me?
Then again, I've only talked to/seen Comic Store Guy a grand total of about three times. Maybe it's lack of exposure. Or maybe he's really not interested.
Either way, who does want me out there? Will I ever find him?