i love you more than i should, more than is good for me
Well, North Carolina with the girls + Jimbo was FANTASTIC. It was filled with lots of laughs and the right amount of heinously random moments that would really ONLY happen to us. Namely, sexy Australian shot champs and horny retarded boys. It's alright, it looked good on us. I am however okay with being back in Illinois. I honestly can't wait to not have permanent residence in the midwest though. I need to live near the ocean, or at least some large body of water, and no, LOW doesn't count. Some people have certain internal pulls to certain surroundings, and mine has always been to be near water. My mom likes the midwest and hates the coast, which is pretty much why we moved here. I'm thankful, but really, I'll be out of here as soon as I can. I'm checking out colleges in Chicago this week, which will be cool, but I hope it goes well. I want to live in the city if it's the farthest my parents will allow, but I hope scholarships work out and I can go to one of my more favored private schools. NWU is still my dream, but I've also got to get in there... we'll see :-0 However, if anything works out farther and I can offer my parents a deal they can't refuse... I'm going as far as it gets. That just makes it sweeter to come home and visit anyway:)
I've been really thinking lately about the future. I'm not all depressed about growing up, though being seventeen seems pretty crazy. I've got a few months until I'm legally not a kid, but I'll be a kid at heart until the day I die, so who cares. I just want to find the right college, and then the right law/grad school, and hopefully the right person and people to be surrounded by. High school friendships have always been complicated, though many are so precious to me. I know that as time goes on life only gets more complicated, but I want to get out of my comfort zone and really see what lasts. I want to meet a boy (man, but really, boy sounds cuter;) ) who's intelligent, funny, whitty, kind, sweet, goofy, dorky, classy, suave, driven, strong, emotional, silly, and you know, rich. Mom and I were talking about her and my dad, and I just hope I can be as lucky as them. I guess I can't say for sure that what I'm looking for isn't near, but I just don't see it working out that way. I don't think I'll find that person until so much later, after I've been gone for a while, but I can't wait anyway. That will be so much greater than all the stupid, high school, small town stuff. I just want to be independent and free, and then find the person that I can't live without. I know I'll date, but I think I'm done for high school. I don't want to fill my time with what will ultimately be unsatisfactory. Love is obviously never "perfect", but my personal thought of perfection, which includes flaws and pretty much just means that I'm happy, should be attainable. Why would you settle for anything less than perfect? I've learned that it's not fair, it's heartbreaking, and it sets me back. I can be patient, I've got plenty to love and live right now.
I really need to get some sleep since I have to get up to go to Chicago in less than five hours. Sorry for the random info overload, I'm just in one of those late-night moods. Hope everyone's summer is well and that you're doing great:)
I've been really thinking lately about the future. I'm not all depressed about growing up, though being seventeen seems pretty crazy. I've got a few months until I'm legally not a kid, but I'll be a kid at heart until the day I die, so who cares. I just want to find the right college, and then the right law/grad school, and hopefully the right person and people to be surrounded by. High school friendships have always been complicated, though many are so precious to me. I know that as time goes on life only gets more complicated, but I want to get out of my comfort zone and really see what lasts. I want to meet a boy (man, but really, boy sounds cuter;) ) who's intelligent, funny, whitty, kind, sweet, goofy, dorky, classy, suave, driven, strong, emotional, silly, and you know, rich. Mom and I were talking about her and my dad, and I just hope I can be as lucky as them. I guess I can't say for sure that what I'm looking for isn't near, but I just don't see it working out that way. I don't think I'll find that person until so much later, after I've been gone for a while, but I can't wait anyway. That will be so much greater than all the stupid, high school, small town stuff. I just want to be independent and free, and then find the person that I can't live without. I know I'll date, but I think I'm done for high school. I don't want to fill my time with what will ultimately be unsatisfactory. Love is obviously never "perfect", but my personal thought of perfection, which includes flaws and pretty much just means that I'm happy, should be attainable. Why would you settle for anything less than perfect? I've learned that it's not fair, it's heartbreaking, and it sets me back. I can be patient, I've got plenty to love and live right now.
I really need to get some sleep since I have to get up to go to Chicago in less than five hours. Sorry for the random info overload, I'm just in one of those late-night moods. Hope everyone's summer is well and that you're doing great:)