I'm still crazy. . .
i was offered a modeling job.
i have yet to respond.
for some reason the mere mention of it has spiraled me down this horrible swirl of self-doubt.
i hate my body. i hate it soo much. why am i not effortlessly beautiful like my mother was at my age?
why don't i have breasts? why won't they just miraculously grow? why do i have these stupid scars that i gave myself? why are my feet all twisted and ugly? why can't i get rid of my disgusting saddlebags or my muffin top? why is my nose so big? why are my lips so thin? why can't i have what i've been promised by every commercial aimed at women?
why was i not given the superpower of sex appeal?
how can i get it?
and on top of all that, why does this photographer think anyone wants to see pictures of me? i've seen the women he has worked with, i've seen his wife. his portfolio is filled with glossy pictures of total bombshells. i don't even come close.
this is fucking with me.
i have yet to respond.
for some reason the mere mention of it has spiraled me down this horrible swirl of self-doubt.
i hate my body. i hate it soo much. why am i not effortlessly beautiful like my mother was at my age?
why don't i have breasts? why won't they just miraculously grow? why do i have these stupid scars that i gave myself? why are my feet all twisted and ugly? why can't i get rid of my disgusting saddlebags or my muffin top? why is my nose so big? why are my lips so thin? why can't i have what i've been promised by every commercial aimed at women?
why was i not given the superpower of sex appeal?
how can i get it?
and on top of all that, why does this photographer think anyone wants to see pictures of me? i've seen the women he has worked with, i've seen his wife. his portfolio is filled with glossy pictures of total bombshells. i don't even come close.
this is fucking with me.