(no subject)
How sad. Everything is soooo sad. No one knows, and I'm almost certain, no one cares.
how can you tell someone you love them, how can you show them you care when they don't even know who you are, and you don't know who they are.
-"I want you, and I know you want me too". He said he loved me, and I told him that I already knew. so we're official, and I feel complete. I feel infinite. I feel safe. I don't need anyone anymore. I'm okay with this, I'm okay with what he wants to give me and what he wants to keep. I don't care if he slept with her or not, because I slept with someone else, and I told him, and he was sad. I was sorry, but sorry wasn't enough, so I baked him cookies that went in order like this ; I <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 U. And he was happy. I was happy, that he was happy. So we kissed, and we kissed, and we did other stuff, and at that moment we both felt infinite, we both felt safe. We were together, and we were complete. they told him not to try, that I would get bored and throw it all away in two weeks, and I thought they were right, because they knew me. But he proved everyone wrong, he said that if I gave him two days he would give me eternity, and show me that I wouldn't throw it all away in two weeks. I couldn't because it was real, he knew it was real, and no one else did... He knew that, that was what I was waiting for, and no one else did... I'm glad he tried, because now I know, I know what it feels like to float and not be afraid. I don't have to be afraid anymore, because he's here, he's always here. And thats all I can ever ask for.I'm at his house right now, he's making coffee, and i'm reading. And it's so beautiful. It's keeping me warm and helping him stay awake. He likes to take pictures of things and make them look beautiful, and he likes to film me, because he thinks I'm beautiful. He won't show me his project until he's finished. I'm curious, and I tell him that but all he says is that he's in love, and he can't help it. He looks and he looks until I look away, and he keeps on looking, and he says things that make my heart beat really fast, and he moves and he feels, and everything is okay. For once, everything is still, and I can't love him, because I don't want him to stop loving me. And it's so hard because I'm not really safe, and he can't be with me, because I can't be with him, and now he's here... standing still, smiling, with coffee in his hand. I look at him, and he sees, and he knows. He's not happy anymore. He wants to die. I want to die. so I say..."I'm sorry"
I'm going to sleep. Fuck this.
how can you tell someone you love them, how can you show them you care when they don't even know who you are, and you don't know who they are.
-"I want you, and I know you want me too". He said he loved me, and I told him that I already knew. so we're official, and I feel complete. I feel infinite. I feel safe. I don't need anyone anymore. I'm okay with this, I'm okay with what he wants to give me and what he wants to keep. I don't care if he slept with her or not, because I slept with someone else, and I told him, and he was sad. I was sorry, but sorry wasn't enough, so I baked him cookies that went in order like this ; I <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 U. And he was happy. I was happy, that he was happy. So we kissed, and we kissed, and we did other stuff, and at that moment we both felt infinite, we both felt safe. We were together, and we were complete. they told him not to try, that I would get bored and throw it all away in two weeks, and I thought they were right, because they knew me. But he proved everyone wrong, he said that if I gave him two days he would give me eternity, and show me that I wouldn't throw it all away in two weeks. I couldn't because it was real, he knew it was real, and no one else did... He knew that, that was what I was waiting for, and no one else did... I'm glad he tried, because now I know, I know what it feels like to float and not be afraid. I don't have to be afraid anymore, because he's here, he's always here. And thats all I can ever ask for.I'm at his house right now, he's making coffee, and i'm reading. And it's so beautiful. It's keeping me warm and helping him stay awake. He likes to take pictures of things and make them look beautiful, and he likes to film me, because he thinks I'm beautiful. He won't show me his project until he's finished. I'm curious, and I tell him that but all he says is that he's in love, and he can't help it. He looks and he looks until I look away, and he keeps on looking, and he says things that make my heart beat really fast, and he moves and he feels, and everything is okay. For once, everything is still, and I can't love him, because I don't want him to stop loving me. And it's so hard because I'm not really safe, and he can't be with me, because I can't be with him, and now he's here... standing still, smiling, with coffee in his hand. I look at him, and he sees, and he knows. He's not happy anymore. He wants to die. I want to die. so I say..."I'm sorry"
I'm going to sleep. Fuck this.