The Shit in my Life
Life seems to have it's way of bringing me to a nice point, but just like a roller coaster, it's a brief glimpse of what could be, then I hit that peak and can see the ground and soon I'm rushing towards it at an alarming rate. This time the peak was great and hope it'd finally at least level out, or not fall as quickly as it did. I'm not really one to talk, as I consider myself to be a hypocrit 9 times out of 10, but I don't see how one can justifiably meet someone, enjoy their company for 2 weeks, and then in the course of 4 or 5 days, fall out of that into something with someone completly new. But it's not my place to figure that out, just to figure out how I'm going to deal with it now. Suffice to say punching a wall was not the right answer, and neither was getting as upset as I did over it. So here I am at what appears to be a familar point in my life.
Only this time, I have more pressing decisions then girls and dates. All my life I've loved computers, they're fun and working with them seems to come natural, but for the most part working with them is tedious, boring, and underappricated work. So why would anyone WANT to do that, well it makes the big $$$. But I'm torn now between a desire to "suceed" in life and make the $$ but have a boring job, or change ALL that and persue something that right NOW is a hobby that I would like to develop more. How does this affect me right now you might ask.. b/c if I were to change my major, from Computers, to Technical Theater, I'd be giving up on how far I've come, and be at CNU for at least another 2 or 3 years. Which I don't mind, b/c I like college and wouldn't mind delaying that 'jump into the real world' - but it's a major point for me to say that what I've thought I wanted to do since high school is no longer what I want to do. Change is hard for me. I don't handle it well.
So I'm trying to decide if I should change my major or not, while at the same time struggling with the fact that I'd love to have a signifcant other by myside to talk to, and be there for me. But that continues to fall short of that 'boyfriend/girlfriend' point.
Some days it's difficult to want to wake up, and I'm afraid of falling back into the darkness I worked hard to get out of. I could use a hug.
Only this time, I have more pressing decisions then girls and dates. All my life I've loved computers, they're fun and working with them seems to come natural, but for the most part working with them is tedious, boring, and underappricated work. So why would anyone WANT to do that, well it makes the big $$$. But I'm torn now between a desire to "suceed" in life and make the $$ but have a boring job, or change ALL that and persue something that right NOW is a hobby that I would like to develop more. How does this affect me right now you might ask.. b/c if I were to change my major, from Computers, to Technical Theater, I'd be giving up on how far I've come, and be at CNU for at least another 2 or 3 years. Which I don't mind, b/c I like college and wouldn't mind delaying that 'jump into the real world' - but it's a major point for me to say that what I've thought I wanted to do since high school is no longer what I want to do. Change is hard for me. I don't handle it well.
So I'm trying to decide if I should change my major or not, while at the same time struggling with the fact that I'd love to have a signifcant other by myside to talk to, and be there for me. But that continues to fall short of that 'boyfriend/girlfriend' point.
Some days it's difficult to want to wake up, and I'm afraid of falling back into the darkness I worked hard to get out of. I could use a hug.