Paisley's Doctor Who Epic Birthday Story (part one)
I will eventually post this to OWR, once we decide where it should fit and if it should be cannon (it shouldn't). For now, here's the story for anyone who wants to read it.
Title: The Y Chromosome
Author: Sharmie
Rating: PG-13 but only because they say gay a lot and someone mentions threesomes.
Summary: Something really bad goes down. The Doctor is obviously involved.
Here's what you need to know to understand this: Our universe is populated by british celebrities ten years (ish) younger than they are now, and also some american celebrities (and john barrowman) who are still celebrities, but still appear in Guelph for no reason. This story comes after Alan Tudyk (Wash in firefly) has stopped crazy manic tooth-fairy Nathan Fillion from punching out people's teeth. Also he thinks Paisley is swell. Now, read on!
It was crowded in Paisley’s room, which is not something that happens often. Noel, Leah, Sharmie and Paisley were in there, all sitting on her bed. To begin with, the bed took up a good chunk of the room, so there wasn’t much room around that, but four people on a bed was not helping. They were talking about actor Alan Tudyk, who also happened to be, for some reason, enamored with Paisley. She was kind of becoming less a weird thing and more a person.
“Actor, Alan Tudyk, saved us? And he’s staying here in Guelph?” squeaked Sharmie, taking up most of the room on the bed so Leah and Noel both had to lean on her so as not to slide onto the floor.
“Yes,” said Paisley, shrugging slightly.
“And he likes you?” asked Noel. “Are we sure he’s Alan Tudyk?”
“Of course he would,” Leah cut in, speaking over whatever Paisley just said. “Paisley is well fit.” Leah beamed. Paisley looked skeptical.
“...say again?” said Sharmie, prodding Paisley in the side. She, unlike the other two, was really, really interested in the gossip aspect, so she could spread it around. She was the one of them who brought in gossipy information, if only because Noel was often to preoccupied with his hair. Paisley swatted Sharmie’s hand away.
“...he’s coming over soon,” replied Paisley, not looking at any of them. She was still wondering why he didn’t react badly to her, like most other people, but didn’t want to jinx it.
Leah, Sharmie and Noel let out a unanimous squeal. Paisley winced.
“Please never do that again,” she said. “Also, please leave. Except you, Noel.” But the last bit was only in her mind. Instead, she continued with, “I’d really love it if you guys weren’t...”
“Here?” supplied Leah.
“Loud?” supplied Noel.
“Weird?” supplied Sharmie.
“All of the above,” said Paisley. The doorbell rang. Paisley’s roommates squealed again. “What? That’s...he’s early! I was gonna change!”
“I’ll answer the door!” said Leah, bounding out. Paisley began rummaging for clothes.
“I should... we should, I guess--”
“Leave, maybe. Bye!” Noel and Sharmie scooted up the stairs as Leah opened the front door.
“Hello!” said the Doctor cheerfully.
“Oh good,” said Leah. “We thought you were Alan Tudyk.”
“Really?” the Doctor responded, pulling at his hair. “He’s a bit blonde, isn’t he?”
“Very funny.” They stood in silence for seventy-six seconds.
“Are you going to let me in?” asked the Doctor, rocking back and forth on his heels. “It’s kind of rude to keep me standing on the porch.”
“You wouldn’t know rude if it reached sarcastically across you at dinner,” said Leah, rolling her eyes.
“Well,” he said, grinning at her. “Doesn’t mean you’re not. Let me in.”
“Hmmm,” said Leah, smiling slightly.
“Oh, come on,” said the Doctor, twisting so his jacket swished ‘round his ankles.
“I don’t know,” said Leah, cracking a half smile.
“Pretty please?” asked the Doctor, pouting slightly. Leah melted. John frowned.
“Uh, hi.” said John.
“Oh, hello,” said the Doctor, turning around. “Nice to see you.” He closed his mouth, his lips coming together in a thin line of awkward smile. John didn’t smile.
“Uh, Leah, are you ready to go?”
“Go?” asked Leah, still looking at the Doctor.
“Yes,” sighed John. “Out. For lunch. Together.”
“Mmm,” she grunted. John snapped his fingers between her face and the Doctor’s. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs. Then she noticed John. She looked at the Doctor, and then at John. And then she grinned.
“Oh no,” the Doctor and John said in unison. Just then, Paisley came out of her room.
“You’re not Alan,” she said, peering out at the two square feet that held Leah, the Doctor and John Simm.
“No,” said Leah, snapping out of her fantasies. “Just the Doctor.”
“And me,” added John, frowning.
“Whatever,” said Paisley, and disappeared into her room again. John looked from Leah to the Doctor and then back to Leah. Leah looked from the Doctor to John, and then back to the Doctor. The Doctor looked from Leah to John and then back to Leah.
“Lunch?” said John.
“I did come here for a reason,” said the Doctor quickly.
“We made plans,” John responded, still looking at Leah.
“Well, it’s just a tiny life-threatening issue that the occupants of this house might want to know about, but--”
“There are other people here, talk to one of them--”
“--I suppose it could wait till you’re all dead. Leah’s the one who understands when I speak! It’ll take me hours to dumb it down for the rest of them--”
“Oh, so you’re not just borrowing a cup of sugar?”
“--and--What? Didn’t you hear me?”
“I can’t really be bothered to--”
“OI!” The Doctor and John turned to look at Leah. “Let’s have lunch here,” she told John, smiling at him. “We actually went shopping yesterday so there will even be food involved. And you,” said Leah to the Doctor, “can join us.”
“What?” said John, looking at her in disbelief.
“Shut it,” said Leah flippantly, leading the way to the kitchen. The other two followed. Paisley was in her room, watching surreptitiously for Alan Tudyk through her curtains. After thirty-eight seconds of watching, she saw him walking up the street towards the house. She hesitated for a moment, and then decided to get the door before he could ring the bell.
She opened the front door and hopped down the steps. Alan was wiping his face.
“Euuughhh,” he said, turning to look behind him at the man walking slowly away. Then he froze.
“Hi,” said Paisley, waving slightly. Alan Tudyk didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t breathe, didn’t blink. “Um. Nice to see you..?” He sniffed the air slightly, and then turned, without changing positions, to face her. Paisley looked confused for a moment, and then started when he jerked towards her, and then sniffed deeply.
“That’s creepy, even by my standards,” she said, laughing nervously. He held his breath, his eyes glazed over as if he was watching something happen behind his eyes. Then he wrinkled his nose and coughed, exhaling quickly. And then he turned, and walked away. Paisley stood on the lawn, staring after him as he walked down the street, turned the corner, and was gone.
“Er...” she didn’t move until she heard the Tardis, and wondered where the Doctor was going. She walked to the side of the house and watched as the Doctor’s Tardis did not fade, but replicated itself. It was her immediate thought, as now there were two of them. Practically occupying the same space, a mere inch apart at the widest part. She stood, her mouth slightly ajar, as the Tardis doors opened and some guy got out.
He stepped out, closed the door behind him, and then froze. He turned and saw the other Tardis exactly beside his. He stopped, frowned, and walked around the two of them slowly. He opened the door to his own Tardis, poked his head inside, and then stepped back again.
“What are you doing?” asked Paisley.
“Nothing, go about your business,” said the man quickly, not even looking at her. He began to mumble to himself, kicking at the Tardis that had been there when his arrived.
“Why do you have a Tardis?” she asked.
“Because I do,” he said shortly. “You wouldn’t understand.” Then he looked up at her. “Hang on,” he said, straightening and then crossing toward her quickly. She shrunk backwards a little. “How did you know this was a Tardis?” He leaned over her slightly, and for a moment she was frightened. Then she remembered herself.
“Well, the blue box you were kicking belongs to the Doctor. I know him. He’d probably be kind of pissed to see you’d stolen his at some point... past or future.” The man moved back slightly.
“The Doctor?” he said incredulously. “You can’t know the Doctor, I’m the Doctor!”
“You don’t look like him,” said Paisley, frowning. “Not any of the old Doctors, definitely not new doctor...”
“You’ve met my former regenerations?” he replied, beginning to think. “That means... Another me is here. In this universe. Right now.”
“Actually, in my house,” said Paisley, pointing.
“In that house!” said the man. “That is.. that’s something else. Well, I’ll be off,” he said, turning and walking away down the street. Paisley watched as he walked, got about half a block away, and then walked back, just as purposefully.
“Do you know which regeneration he is? What number?”
“Ten?” supplied Paisley.
“Ten!” repeated the man, crossing his arms. “But... that means that’s my next form! My next form, how strange. To look myself in the face. Of course it’s not my face. But still me. Hm... Anyways, Ta!” He turned to leave again. And then came back. “Why’s he here? I mean, why am I here? But the other me, the future me. Why’s he here?”
“Dunno,” said Paisley.
“Ah,” he said, finally losing interest. “What’s your name?”
“Paisley,” said Paisley. She was Paisley.
“Paisley,” repeated the Doctor. “Nice pattern. Anyway, much work to be done that I apparently won’t do in the next regeneration. Forget I was ever here.” He left again. This time, his leather jacket disappeared ‘round the corner without coming back.
Paisley didn’t fancy the thought of explaining to her housemates why Alan Tudyk wasn’t there, and had nothing better to do, so she followed the Doctor, in the direction of downtown.
“Does he have to stay?” asked the Doctor, looking pointedly at John Simm.
“Don’t be an asshole,” said John impatiently. “It’s my girlfriend I’m sharing.”
“Lending me out like a book?” said Leah over her shoulder as she made a salad. “That’s hot. In a disgusting misogynistic kind of way, and you wouldn’t get away with it if you weren’t talking to the Doctor.”
“That makes me feel so much better,” grumbled John.
“Serves you right, you slag,” she replied. She tossed a grin over her shoulder to show she was just kidding. But she wasn’t.
“Right! On to more important matters, then? Great! Leah, we have a problem. A great big huge...” he trailed off, frowned, and then opened his mouth. And then closed it. And then opened it. And then closed it again. “Time Lord?” he said aloud at last, staring off into space. “Here? Now?” Leah and John stared at him.
“A huge Time Lord is attacking Guelph?” said Leah. Then she heard herself and started giggling. “Giant Time Lord squishes humans to save the world! Oh, that’s too great!”
“That’s not the problem!” said the Doctor indignantly. “The problem is an infection spreading through your little town like wildfire. Soon the whole town will be infected. Well, fifty-percent of it. Well, forty-percent of it.”
“And how is this the whole town?” asked Leah, pulling out bowls for salad. In the trees behind the house, something rustled.
“Who’s that?” said John, peering out the window.
“Don’t care,” said Leah.
“I’m going to see,” said John, going out the back door. The Doctor ignored him.
“The entire male population,” said the Doctor, watching as Leah began to dish out salad. “Everyone in this town with a Y chromosome will be infected.”
“With what, exactly? This isn’t really your area, is it? Basic earthly illnesses...”
“This isn’t an earthly illness. This isn’t native to your planet. It isn’t even an illness, not really. It’s more correctly explained as possession.”
“All the men in the town are going to be possessed?” Leah looked skeptically over her glasses at him. “Sounds like a ghost story.”
“Yes, possessed! As in, they’re being controlled by something else, a parasite, alien creatures so small they travel in genetic code. You can’t feel them, hear them, see them, but you know they’re in you when you lose control of your body. They set up a deposit in your heart and feed, changing the cells to include copies of themselves, but better, stronger, more resistant to destruction.”
“But... I don’t really understand why it’s crawling all up inside the men-folk.”
“Men-folk, that’s a good one!” laughed the Doctor. Then his face sobered. “Every species has a weak set of chromosomes. It creates variety within the species. With humans you’ve got the two sex chromosomes, Time Lords have got three, but Slitheen, for instance, have six but most of them are dormant. In any case, your X chromosome is strong--resistant to unhealthy mutation, carries the power to reproduce in its wake. The Y chromosome only exists to create variation, to fertilize, it’s a periphery. It hasn’t got the same genetic protection. It’s vulnerable to mutation. These miniscule beings, the K’naal, will reproduce and feed off your bodies and resources until Earth is just a husk. And when they’re done they’ll transport, through the hub, to another planet--only now stronger and faster, benefitting from your natural human traits.”
“So we stop them.”
“Yes, but it’s tricky to do. We have to stop the spread of the virus before all the men in this area are infected.”
“Why?” Leah asked, her salad sitting forgotten on the counter. “We just have to avoid them, right?”
“It’s fine for me,” said the Doctor, standing and gripping Leah’s shoulders between his hands, “Because I’m not human. But once they have a grasp on the male population in this town, they will start killing you. They’ll only leave ten percent of you alive. And they’ll be after you first.”
“Why me?!”
“Because they know that you know their plan. They’ve got no way to stop me, but you? All they need to do is squeeze ‘round your neck.”
“How do they I know I know? You’ve just told me!” The Doctor looked slowly over Leah’s shoulder.
“John’s been standing very still in the doorway since I said the word alien.” Leah, slow as the Doctor, turned to look over her shoulder at the back door. John was staring at her. Then, quick as lightning, he was across the room, reaching for her neck.
“Run!” Leah ducked from under his arms and took the hand the Doctor held out towards her. They ran out the back door and through the trees of the backyard, branches snagging on their clothes as they ran.
“How did you know he was infected?” panted Leah, narrowly avoiding being hit in the face by a low-hanging pine.
“I saw him making out with that blonde bloke in the backyard,” he said flippantly. “He was so adverse to a tumble with you and me, I figured he couldn’t be attracted to him and not me.”
“He what? Kissed Alan Tudyk!”
“Yes, yes, keep up, slowpoke! The K’naal need to transfer through bodily fluids, into an orifice of the victim. Not enough time for something more intimate, so kissing’s the way!” They stopped, Leah doubled over, panting. The Doctor peered through the trees from whence they’d come and frowned.
“Why isn’t he following us?” he asked.
“Maybe he found something more interesting to chase?”
The Doctor shrugged. “Alright then, Allons-y! We’ve got a invasion to thwart!”
Title: The Y Chromosome
Author: Sharmie
Rating: PG-13 but only because they say gay a lot and someone mentions threesomes.
Summary: Something really bad goes down. The Doctor is obviously involved.
Here's what you need to know to understand this: Our universe is populated by british celebrities ten years (ish) younger than they are now, and also some american celebrities (and john barrowman) who are still celebrities, but still appear in Guelph for no reason. This story comes after Alan Tudyk (Wash in firefly) has stopped crazy manic tooth-fairy Nathan Fillion from punching out people's teeth. Also he thinks Paisley is swell. Now, read on!
It was crowded in Paisley’s room, which is not something that happens often. Noel, Leah, Sharmie and Paisley were in there, all sitting on her bed. To begin with, the bed took up a good chunk of the room, so there wasn’t much room around that, but four people on a bed was not helping. They were talking about actor Alan Tudyk, who also happened to be, for some reason, enamored with Paisley. She was kind of becoming less a weird thing and more a person.
“Actor, Alan Tudyk, saved us? And he’s staying here in Guelph?” squeaked Sharmie, taking up most of the room on the bed so Leah and Noel both had to lean on her so as not to slide onto the floor.
“Yes,” said Paisley, shrugging slightly.
“And he likes you?” asked Noel. “Are we sure he’s Alan Tudyk?”
“Of course he would,” Leah cut in, speaking over whatever Paisley just said. “Paisley is well fit.” Leah beamed. Paisley looked skeptical.
“...say again?” said Sharmie, prodding Paisley in the side. She, unlike the other two, was really, really interested in the gossip aspect, so she could spread it around. She was the one of them who brought in gossipy information, if only because Noel was often to preoccupied with his hair. Paisley swatted Sharmie’s hand away.
“...he’s coming over soon,” replied Paisley, not looking at any of them. She was still wondering why he didn’t react badly to her, like most other people, but didn’t want to jinx it.
Leah, Sharmie and Noel let out a unanimous squeal. Paisley winced.
“Please never do that again,” she said. “Also, please leave. Except you, Noel.” But the last bit was only in her mind. Instead, she continued with, “I’d really love it if you guys weren’t...”
“Here?” supplied Leah.
“Loud?” supplied Noel.
“Weird?” supplied Sharmie.
“All of the above,” said Paisley. The doorbell rang. Paisley’s roommates squealed again. “What? That’s...he’s early! I was gonna change!”
“I’ll answer the door!” said Leah, bounding out. Paisley began rummaging for clothes.
“I should... we should, I guess--”
“Leave, maybe. Bye!” Noel and Sharmie scooted up the stairs as Leah opened the front door.
“Hello!” said the Doctor cheerfully.
“Oh good,” said Leah. “We thought you were Alan Tudyk.”
“Really?” the Doctor responded, pulling at his hair. “He’s a bit blonde, isn’t he?”
“Very funny.” They stood in silence for seventy-six seconds.
“Are you going to let me in?” asked the Doctor, rocking back and forth on his heels. “It’s kind of rude to keep me standing on the porch.”
“You wouldn’t know rude if it reached sarcastically across you at dinner,” said Leah, rolling her eyes.
“Well,” he said, grinning at her. “Doesn’t mean you’re not. Let me in.”
“Hmmm,” said Leah, smiling slightly.
“Oh, come on,” said the Doctor, twisting so his jacket swished ‘round his ankles.
“I don’t know,” said Leah, cracking a half smile.
“Pretty please?” asked the Doctor, pouting slightly. Leah melted. John frowned.
“Uh, hi.” said John.
“Oh, hello,” said the Doctor, turning around. “Nice to see you.” He closed his mouth, his lips coming together in a thin line of awkward smile. John didn’t smile.
“Uh, Leah, are you ready to go?”
“Go?” asked Leah, still looking at the Doctor.
“Yes,” sighed John. “Out. For lunch. Together.”
“Mmm,” she grunted. John snapped his fingers between her face and the Doctor’s. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs. Then she noticed John. She looked at the Doctor, and then at John. And then she grinned.
“Oh no,” the Doctor and John said in unison. Just then, Paisley came out of her room.
“You’re not Alan,” she said, peering out at the two square feet that held Leah, the Doctor and John Simm.
“No,” said Leah, snapping out of her fantasies. “Just the Doctor.”
“And me,” added John, frowning.
“Whatever,” said Paisley, and disappeared into her room again. John looked from Leah to the Doctor and then back to Leah. Leah looked from the Doctor to John, and then back to the Doctor. The Doctor looked from Leah to John and then back to Leah.
“Lunch?” said John.
“I did come here for a reason,” said the Doctor quickly.
“We made plans,” John responded, still looking at Leah.
“Well, it’s just a tiny life-threatening issue that the occupants of this house might want to know about, but--”
“There are other people here, talk to one of them--”
“--I suppose it could wait till you’re all dead. Leah’s the one who understands when I speak! It’ll take me hours to dumb it down for the rest of them--”
“Oh, so you’re not just borrowing a cup of sugar?”
“--and--What? Didn’t you hear me?”
“I can’t really be bothered to--”
“OI!” The Doctor and John turned to look at Leah. “Let’s have lunch here,” she told John, smiling at him. “We actually went shopping yesterday so there will even be food involved. And you,” said Leah to the Doctor, “can join us.”
“What?” said John, looking at her in disbelief.
“Shut it,” said Leah flippantly, leading the way to the kitchen. The other two followed. Paisley was in her room, watching surreptitiously for Alan Tudyk through her curtains. After thirty-eight seconds of watching, she saw him walking up the street towards the house. She hesitated for a moment, and then decided to get the door before he could ring the bell.
She opened the front door and hopped down the steps. Alan was wiping his face.
“Euuughhh,” he said, turning to look behind him at the man walking slowly away. Then he froze.
“Hi,” said Paisley, waving slightly. Alan Tudyk didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t breathe, didn’t blink. “Um. Nice to see you..?” He sniffed the air slightly, and then turned, without changing positions, to face her. Paisley looked confused for a moment, and then started when he jerked towards her, and then sniffed deeply.
“That’s creepy, even by my standards,” she said, laughing nervously. He held his breath, his eyes glazed over as if he was watching something happen behind his eyes. Then he wrinkled his nose and coughed, exhaling quickly. And then he turned, and walked away. Paisley stood on the lawn, staring after him as he walked down the street, turned the corner, and was gone.
“Er...” she didn’t move until she heard the Tardis, and wondered where the Doctor was going. She walked to the side of the house and watched as the Doctor’s Tardis did not fade, but replicated itself. It was her immediate thought, as now there were two of them. Practically occupying the same space, a mere inch apart at the widest part. She stood, her mouth slightly ajar, as the Tardis doors opened and some guy got out.
He stepped out, closed the door behind him, and then froze. He turned and saw the other Tardis exactly beside his. He stopped, frowned, and walked around the two of them slowly. He opened the door to his own Tardis, poked his head inside, and then stepped back again.
“What are you doing?” asked Paisley.
“Nothing, go about your business,” said the man quickly, not even looking at her. He began to mumble to himself, kicking at the Tardis that had been there when his arrived.
“Why do you have a Tardis?” she asked.
“Because I do,” he said shortly. “You wouldn’t understand.” Then he looked up at her. “Hang on,” he said, straightening and then crossing toward her quickly. She shrunk backwards a little. “How did you know this was a Tardis?” He leaned over her slightly, and for a moment she was frightened. Then she remembered herself.
“Well, the blue box you were kicking belongs to the Doctor. I know him. He’d probably be kind of pissed to see you’d stolen his at some point... past or future.” The man moved back slightly.
“The Doctor?” he said incredulously. “You can’t know the Doctor, I’m the Doctor!”
“You don’t look like him,” said Paisley, frowning. “Not any of the old Doctors, definitely not new doctor...”
“You’ve met my former regenerations?” he replied, beginning to think. “That means... Another me is here. In this universe. Right now.”
“Actually, in my house,” said Paisley, pointing.
“In that house!” said the man. “That is.. that’s something else. Well, I’ll be off,” he said, turning and walking away down the street. Paisley watched as he walked, got about half a block away, and then walked back, just as purposefully.
“Do you know which regeneration he is? What number?”
“Ten?” supplied Paisley.
“Ten!” repeated the man, crossing his arms. “But... that means that’s my next form! My next form, how strange. To look myself in the face. Of course it’s not my face. But still me. Hm... Anyways, Ta!” He turned to leave again. And then came back. “Why’s he here? I mean, why am I here? But the other me, the future me. Why’s he here?”
“Dunno,” said Paisley.
“Ah,” he said, finally losing interest. “What’s your name?”
“Paisley,” said Paisley. She was Paisley.
“Paisley,” repeated the Doctor. “Nice pattern. Anyway, much work to be done that I apparently won’t do in the next regeneration. Forget I was ever here.” He left again. This time, his leather jacket disappeared ‘round the corner without coming back.
Paisley didn’t fancy the thought of explaining to her housemates why Alan Tudyk wasn’t there, and had nothing better to do, so she followed the Doctor, in the direction of downtown.
“Does he have to stay?” asked the Doctor, looking pointedly at John Simm.
“Don’t be an asshole,” said John impatiently. “It’s my girlfriend I’m sharing.”
“Lending me out like a book?” said Leah over her shoulder as she made a salad. “That’s hot. In a disgusting misogynistic kind of way, and you wouldn’t get away with it if you weren’t talking to the Doctor.”
“That makes me feel so much better,” grumbled John.
“Serves you right, you slag,” she replied. She tossed a grin over her shoulder to show she was just kidding. But she wasn’t.
“Right! On to more important matters, then? Great! Leah, we have a problem. A great big huge...” he trailed off, frowned, and then opened his mouth. And then closed it. And then opened it. And then closed it again. “Time Lord?” he said aloud at last, staring off into space. “Here? Now?” Leah and John stared at him.
“A huge Time Lord is attacking Guelph?” said Leah. Then she heard herself and started giggling. “Giant Time Lord squishes humans to save the world! Oh, that’s too great!”
“That’s not the problem!” said the Doctor indignantly. “The problem is an infection spreading through your little town like wildfire. Soon the whole town will be infected. Well, fifty-percent of it. Well, forty-percent of it.”
“And how is this the whole town?” asked Leah, pulling out bowls for salad. In the trees behind the house, something rustled.
“Who’s that?” said John, peering out the window.
“Don’t care,” said Leah.
“I’m going to see,” said John, going out the back door. The Doctor ignored him.
“The entire male population,” said the Doctor, watching as Leah began to dish out salad. “Everyone in this town with a Y chromosome will be infected.”
“With what, exactly? This isn’t really your area, is it? Basic earthly illnesses...”
“This isn’t an earthly illness. This isn’t native to your planet. It isn’t even an illness, not really. It’s more correctly explained as possession.”
“All the men in the town are going to be possessed?” Leah looked skeptically over her glasses at him. “Sounds like a ghost story.”
“Yes, possessed! As in, they’re being controlled by something else, a parasite, alien creatures so small they travel in genetic code. You can’t feel them, hear them, see them, but you know they’re in you when you lose control of your body. They set up a deposit in your heart and feed, changing the cells to include copies of themselves, but better, stronger, more resistant to destruction.”
“But... I don’t really understand why it’s crawling all up inside the men-folk.”
“Men-folk, that’s a good one!” laughed the Doctor. Then his face sobered. “Every species has a weak set of chromosomes. It creates variety within the species. With humans you’ve got the two sex chromosomes, Time Lords have got three, but Slitheen, for instance, have six but most of them are dormant. In any case, your X chromosome is strong--resistant to unhealthy mutation, carries the power to reproduce in its wake. The Y chromosome only exists to create variation, to fertilize, it’s a periphery. It hasn’t got the same genetic protection. It’s vulnerable to mutation. These miniscule beings, the K’naal, will reproduce and feed off your bodies and resources until Earth is just a husk. And when they’re done they’ll transport, through the hub, to another planet--only now stronger and faster, benefitting from your natural human traits.”
“So we stop them.”
“Yes, but it’s tricky to do. We have to stop the spread of the virus before all the men in this area are infected.”
“Why?” Leah asked, her salad sitting forgotten on the counter. “We just have to avoid them, right?”
“It’s fine for me,” said the Doctor, standing and gripping Leah’s shoulders between his hands, “Because I’m not human. But once they have a grasp on the male population in this town, they will start killing you. They’ll only leave ten percent of you alive. And they’ll be after you first.”
“Why me?!”
“Because they know that you know their plan. They’ve got no way to stop me, but you? All they need to do is squeeze ‘round your neck.”
“How do they I know I know? You’ve just told me!” The Doctor looked slowly over Leah’s shoulder.
“John’s been standing very still in the doorway since I said the word alien.” Leah, slow as the Doctor, turned to look over her shoulder at the back door. John was staring at her. Then, quick as lightning, he was across the room, reaching for her neck.
“Run!” Leah ducked from under his arms and took the hand the Doctor held out towards her. They ran out the back door and through the trees of the backyard, branches snagging on their clothes as they ran.
“How did you know he was infected?” panted Leah, narrowly avoiding being hit in the face by a low-hanging pine.
“I saw him making out with that blonde bloke in the backyard,” he said flippantly. “He was so adverse to a tumble with you and me, I figured he couldn’t be attracted to him and not me.”
“He what? Kissed Alan Tudyk!”
“Yes, yes, keep up, slowpoke! The K’naal need to transfer through bodily fluids, into an orifice of the victim. Not enough time for something more intimate, so kissing’s the way!” They stopped, Leah doubled over, panting. The Doctor peered through the trees from whence they’d come and frowned.
“Why isn’t he following us?” he asked.
“Maybe he found something more interesting to chase?”
The Doctor shrugged. “Alright then, Allons-y! We’ve got a invasion to thwart!”