fuck people ...
If you want to dick me over, use me, or treat me badly ... get the fuck out of my life. Right now.
Today has been by far one of the worst days for me. It's basically bestowed upon me the theory that the majority of all people are only around for their own benefit, or some alterior motive. I hate feeling this way, because I know I set myself up for it. It's just so lonely here. I don't know if I could explain it, but I want to talk about it, and there's no one around. Nowadays, that's how it is, and this is exactly what I DIDN'T want to do. I'm sick of crying to my stupid livejournal everytime life throws me something overwhelming, but I just feel so fucking alone. Now I feel alone, and like a little bitch complaining about something no one cares to discuss. It's one of those nights when I just wish someone would call. So I'll sit by the phone feeling worse and worse as the minutes go by and my phone never rings. Instead, I'll sleep fitfully and tomorrow I'll laugh at pointless jokes all the while quietly resenting everything that is said. I won't say a word. I'll just pretend that this problem is gone. Talk is cheap, so why bother? It's so much easier to have a quick fix, get fucked up, and forget my name. I just want complete isolation from my brain. How I wish to go around completely aloof to those who fuck me over. The worst part is knowing that I could have prevented this. Some people just make me feel compelled to take a bullet just to make them happy. I love those people, I love them dearly, and it's my fault for not making them see how badly it hurts when they walk all over me. I used to be so strong ... now I just don't care enough about myself to even cry. I'm so self destructive. The things I do to myself are going to kill me, and I don't give a shit. I hate feeling so bitter. It's not me. I just want things to be the way they used to be. I want to love things so hard that it hurts, but I don't know if I have the energy anymore.
I appologize for being such a sensitive girl, but I can't handle it anymore. It's always okay when you pretend hard enough.
Today has been by far one of the worst days for me. It's basically bestowed upon me the theory that the majority of all people are only around for their own benefit, or some alterior motive. I hate feeling this way, because I know I set myself up for it. It's just so lonely here. I don't know if I could explain it, but I want to talk about it, and there's no one around. Nowadays, that's how it is, and this is exactly what I DIDN'T want to do. I'm sick of crying to my stupid livejournal everytime life throws me something overwhelming, but I just feel so fucking alone. Now I feel alone, and like a little bitch complaining about something no one cares to discuss. It's one of those nights when I just wish someone would call. So I'll sit by the phone feeling worse and worse as the minutes go by and my phone never rings. Instead, I'll sleep fitfully and tomorrow I'll laugh at pointless jokes all the while quietly resenting everything that is said. I won't say a word. I'll just pretend that this problem is gone. Talk is cheap, so why bother? It's so much easier to have a quick fix, get fucked up, and forget my name. I just want complete isolation from my brain. How I wish to go around completely aloof to those who fuck me over. The worst part is knowing that I could have prevented this. Some people just make me feel compelled to take a bullet just to make them happy. I love those people, I love them dearly, and it's my fault for not making them see how badly it hurts when they walk all over me. I used to be so strong ... now I just don't care enough about myself to even cry. I'm so self destructive. The things I do to myself are going to kill me, and I don't give a shit. I hate feeling so bitter. It's not me. I just want things to be the way they used to be. I want to love things so hard that it hurts, but I don't know if I have the energy anymore.
I appologize for being such a sensitive girl, but I can't handle it anymore. It's always okay when you pretend hard enough.