My car got stolen
I have played enough video games to know that a theif should consider three important categories when selecting perspective automobiles: armor, speed, and sexiness. Why, then, would anyone want to take my car? You have to turn off the AC to reach freeway speeds, the worn red paint doesn't exactly say "come hither," and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't hold up to a hail of gunfire. Heck, I bet the thing broke down before the theif even got it back to the crack-house. Even including the $6 in quarters I keep in the ashtray, I'm not even this theft counts as grand theft auto-- more like mediocre theft auto.
But if you want surreal, just try getting off the bus to find your car not happily awaiting you. Your mind will begin to create the most bizarre scenarios to avoid the obvious explanation. Did I forget that I drove all the way to work today and acciently took the bus home? Did I forget that this morning I left my car in my garage to walk 40 minutes to the park-and-ride? Did my wife come pick up my car for some reason? Did I actidentally leave the car on fire or something that would necessitate its being towed? Alas, even I couldn't maintain that level of delusion for long.
So now what? I'm not in any position to finance a car. Biking seems like my most promising alternative, although it will 1) cost way more money than I have (but admittedly less than a car); 2) add precious time to my commute to the bus stop; 3) require more maintenance than my feet (I'm unlikely to catch a flat foot, but a flat tire could ruin my day); 4) be much harder to glorify-- there hasn't been a cool bicycle video game since 1984's "Paperboy."
So, in conclusion, I would like to say (not for the first time) that life should be more like video games. Then the park-and-ride would have been chock full of lambourginis and M-1 battle tanks, so the thieves could have contented themselves with those other vehicles to aid them in all their hooker-smacking, drug-dealing, mob-shooting exploits. Fortunately for me, with the booming economy, stable housing market, and untroubled bank (Washington Mutual), I'm sure I won't have any difficulty securing an eighty-third mortgage on my house so that I can get a nice new ride--preferably something that has neon rim lights, shoots turtle-shells, and comes standard with rocket boosters.