???
Well time for an update...
Lots have happened since the last time i truly posted anything. first off i had a good staff member back out on me. looks like he's gotta get a "real" job. i don't blame him...he's worth more than we could pay him. and even if he got what he was asking, he still wouldn't come to work for camp. on the other hand though, i got good news in the fact that one of my most dependable people (i have a selective memory ;) ) is going to be able to work all summer and has offered to pick up the slack of my drop out. the last big camp thing is the news of how one of my director's is unhappy with some of the jobs/duties that they have volunteered for.
I'm going to say this only once here...those of you camp staff who read this please verbally pass this along to the rest of the staff periodically during the summer. DON'T VOLUNTEER FOR THINGS IN CAMP IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THEM! I can understand complaining about a job you were given or forced to do. But if you volunteer and then bitch about it behind my back. I mean really? How should I feel about that? Now I could be wrong here...and I hope to God that I am. But I don't think I am. Why would several (yes ladies and gentleman, that is more than one) people tell me the same thing about the same situation if it weren't true?
Ok enough said about that for now. I can't get over this lonely feeling I have. It's not the kind of lonely that you get when you don't have anyone or anything...i mean because i have someone wonderful. but, you know what i don't have? I don't have someone to talk to. Now before some of you get upset about what i just said please hear me out. The only people i've been talking to lately are those who have something to gain by talking to me. (for the most part) Like camp staff...or district people. My family, I don't know maybe this is directed actually at a few people...i think maybe it is. I have laid my heart out about a few things lately and i've had no response whatsoever about it. Now, i understand that there are two types of listening that can happen. Passive and Active. Passive is when you sit there and let the person talk and just listen and not add anything. Active is when you listen and wait until ther person is done (maybe asking a few questions as they go just so you get it all) and then you add advice or you own thoughts on it. I very rarely want a passive listener. When I actually lay my feelings out there I want to talk about it. I don't want to just spill my guts and then move on. If I want to talk just to hear myself say the words then I'll talk to cuddles (my teddy bear) or my cats, or myself :)
So that's why i feel lonely cause i've been talking a lot lately and i've gotten no response, no reciprication, no thoughts. That's what i've wanted, that's what i needed. Ignoring a feeling doesn't make it go away. I guess in some people it does...but i'm not going back into that again. So to put a smaller point to all of this. If i bear my soul to you, i want your opinion unless i specifically ask you not to comment or if you know me well enough you can tell from my eyes. The things that i don't want others to add comments too i keep locked inside my head and my heart.
So if you are out this weekend give a toast to listening, feeling, sharing, and maybe you need to look at how well you actually listen when people are talking to you. If we aren't here for each other then what the hell are we doing here right? Sorry it's like 7:30am and i haven't slept in a little over 24 hours and i won't be getting to bed until late tonight.
Have a great weekend everyone and congrats to rhonda for getting called out this weekend. for those of you who don't know and might care...rhonda is getting called out to be in the order of the arrow tommorrow night. i'm very proud of her, she deserves it very much...that is why i make the choices i make...because i love her more than everything else.
~doogie
Lots have happened since the last time i truly posted anything. first off i had a good staff member back out on me. looks like he's gotta get a "real" job. i don't blame him...he's worth more than we could pay him. and even if he got what he was asking, he still wouldn't come to work for camp. on the other hand though, i got good news in the fact that one of my most dependable people (i have a selective memory ;) ) is going to be able to work all summer and has offered to pick up the slack of my drop out. the last big camp thing is the news of how one of my director's is unhappy with some of the jobs/duties that they have volunteered for.
I'm going to say this only once here...those of you camp staff who read this please verbally pass this along to the rest of the staff periodically during the summer. DON'T VOLUNTEER FOR THINGS IN CAMP IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THEM! I can understand complaining about a job you were given or forced to do. But if you volunteer and then bitch about it behind my back. I mean really? How should I feel about that? Now I could be wrong here...and I hope to God that I am. But I don't think I am. Why would several (yes ladies and gentleman, that is more than one) people tell me the same thing about the same situation if it weren't true?
Ok enough said about that for now. I can't get over this lonely feeling I have. It's not the kind of lonely that you get when you don't have anyone or anything...i mean because i have someone wonderful. but, you know what i don't have? I don't have someone to talk to. Now before some of you get upset about what i just said please hear me out. The only people i've been talking to lately are those who have something to gain by talking to me. (for the most part) Like camp staff...or district people. My family, I don't know maybe this is directed actually at a few people...i think maybe it is. I have laid my heart out about a few things lately and i've had no response whatsoever about it. Now, i understand that there are two types of listening that can happen. Passive and Active. Passive is when you sit there and let the person talk and just listen and not add anything. Active is when you listen and wait until ther person is done (maybe asking a few questions as they go just so you get it all) and then you add advice or you own thoughts on it. I very rarely want a passive listener. When I actually lay my feelings out there I want to talk about it. I don't want to just spill my guts and then move on. If I want to talk just to hear myself say the words then I'll talk to cuddles (my teddy bear) or my cats, or myself :)
So that's why i feel lonely cause i've been talking a lot lately and i've gotten no response, no reciprication, no thoughts. That's what i've wanted, that's what i needed. Ignoring a feeling doesn't make it go away. I guess in some people it does...but i'm not going back into that again. So to put a smaller point to all of this. If i bear my soul to you, i want your opinion unless i specifically ask you not to comment or if you know me well enough you can tell from my eyes. The things that i don't want others to add comments too i keep locked inside my head and my heart.
So if you are out this weekend give a toast to listening, feeling, sharing, and maybe you need to look at how well you actually listen when people are talking to you. If we aren't here for each other then what the hell are we doing here right? Sorry it's like 7:30am and i haven't slept in a little over 24 hours and i won't be getting to bed until late tonight.
Have a great weekend everyone and congrats to rhonda for getting called out this weekend. for those of you who don't know and might care...rhonda is getting called out to be in the order of the arrow tommorrow night. i'm very proud of her, she deserves it very much...that is why i make the choices i make...because i love her more than everything else.
~doogie