I should be doing my homework...
Well a fine evening to all of you. I haven't posted in a long time and I figured I would post since I am procrastinating about learning the origins of Islam. OOOOOh and then I move on to the Middle Ages. Yeeehaaa.
Anyway, I have been reading livejournal all along and have to admit that since the last time I posted there has been a lot of guy-bashing going on. I know we deserve it at times, and I am sure that there are lots of guys out there that need "instructions" so I wanted to thank those of you who are dedicated to make better men out of us. In that respect I wanted to post something I came by about a year ago. Hopefully this gives you some insight into our minds. It is not my intent to speak for all guys, or even myself in some of the following rules, but I hope you find it funny.
I hope to find time to post something more about me later... enjoy.
Doogie
PS... I stop and ask for direction when I'm lost, and I know what color mauve is.
THE GUYS RULES
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are PERFECTLY acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a PROBLEM. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, DON'T expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER ONE.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. NOT BOTH. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever, possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. Just because you don't know where you are, doesn't mean we don't.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say, "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... REALLY.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Anyway, I have been reading livejournal all along and have to admit that since the last time I posted there has been a lot of guy-bashing going on. I know we deserve it at times, and I am sure that there are lots of guys out there that need "instructions" so I wanted to thank those of you who are dedicated to make better men out of us. In that respect I wanted to post something I came by about a year ago. Hopefully this gives you some insight into our minds. It is not my intent to speak for all guys, or even myself in some of the following rules, but I hope you find it funny.
I hope to find time to post something more about me later... enjoy.
Doogie
PS... I stop and ask for direction when I'm lost, and I know what color mauve is.
THE GUYS RULES
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are PERFECTLY acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a PROBLEM. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, DON'T expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER ONE.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. NOT BOTH. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever, possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. Just because you don't know where you are, doesn't mean we don't.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say, "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... REALLY.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.