Times Change...
How crazy is it that just 75 weeks ago I broke up with but was still in love with Justin. At the same time...74 weeks ago I was still friends with Courteney.
I know people don't read this anymore and I haven't posted in 50 weeks. lol. But once in a while I like revisiting the device that caused me so many problems yet that I couldn't go a day without typing in because it was theraputic.
Some of my most life changing experiences are documented here. It's crazy.
For some reason I was cleaning out my overloaded bookmarks and I came across courteney's blurty link I used to religiously check when we were still close.
That's one friendship I can't think too much about or I'll cry because still till this day, I don't get why our friendship just up and ended the way it did. She ended it...said it was just dead and if it were a perosn, I was trying to give it CPR and trying to revive it instead of just letting it die.
We had so many fun memories and I cared about her very much. I realize people change but I just can't grasp the thought that she just woke up one day and said, I hate her, we're not friends.
I wanted to be there for her so bad when she was suffering but she pushed me away. I would've fought to keep our friendship alive but she got a new best friend and I guess my time was just up.
I've seen her change drastically over the past year and a half...two maybe. It's been crazy. She's not the girl I became friends with...the girl whose house I used to go to and watch 10 Things I Hate About You and quote...and not mind if she quoted it all. The girl who couldn't utter a curse word and rarely ever typed it. The girl who sat across from me in the flute section and would mouth the friendship song...T for Two and Two for T...me for you and you for. The girl who didn't care what she looked like or what music was in or trying to fit an image. The girl who I envied because she knew who she was.
I miss her. That girl that would hop in my lap and sit till my legs got sore from her boney behind lol. The girl who wrote pages of pages in my year book. I realized last year was the first year in all the time we'd been friends that we didn't sign each other's year books. The year I didn't get a card with the happy birthday song written to me in german.
She's gone and I miss that girl...that friend...my other half at the time.
I see who she is now and I hear about her struggles (not details but the general update) and I can't help but feel sorry for her. Not in a HAHA YOU'RE PATHETIC I feel sorry for you, but more of a I wish you knew your worth and it saddens me that you dont. Going only based on what I've heard, she has a "loser boyfriend" (not my words i swear) who doesn't treat her like the person she deserves to be treated. That for me is hard to imagine from the girl I once knew and that's how I know it's not her. The girl I once knew had confidence in herself (or at least she made it seem that way) and she wouldn't have let anyone make her feel less of what she knew she was worth. It saddens me because even though we don't talk and even though I don't necessarily care for her very much, I don't think anyone should be made to cry by the one they truly care for and says they care for them too. It saddens me becasue I don't think she values herself enough to know she deserves better, needs to get out and that she will find better. I just feel for her. I do. I shouldn't after everything that went down, but I do. I wish I could still put a yellow ros in her locker and make her smile. I wish I could write her a note saying she'll be ok and to just trust in God and pray. I wish I coul let her know I'm praying for her and that everything will be ok.
Unfortunately that's never gonna happen because in an attempt to do so, it'd appear I was trying to revive a dead friendship and in an effort to acoid a slap in the face, I'll keep at my distane and hope from afar that my prayers will reach her. Even though we don't like each other and we avoid each other when we're at the same place at the same time, she was still once my friend and though its crazy and hard to believe a part of my heart will always harbor her memory.
So enough of this deepness. I have to register for classes!!! Second semester here I come.
Oh and even though I feel this way abt her, as far as Justin's concerned...he's an asshole. A liar and a cheater and out of my life for good. Sure I said some hurtful things to him, but at least I said something. I may not have known what was going on but what do you expect when you don't talk to someone. When you can't communicate and the other person's not a friggin mind reader what do you expect?
This semester I've castrated baby pigs and young bulls. Everytime, his gawdawful memory gives me the strength and drive to get the job done. It girl I once knew would love to her those stories...grap, rip, rupture...
I know people don't read this anymore and I haven't posted in 50 weeks. lol. But once in a while I like revisiting the device that caused me so many problems yet that I couldn't go a day without typing in because it was theraputic.
Some of my most life changing experiences are documented here. It's crazy.
For some reason I was cleaning out my overloaded bookmarks and I came across courteney's blurty link I used to religiously check when we were still close.
That's one friendship I can't think too much about or I'll cry because still till this day, I don't get why our friendship just up and ended the way it did. She ended it...said it was just dead and if it were a perosn, I was trying to give it CPR and trying to revive it instead of just letting it die.
We had so many fun memories and I cared about her very much. I realize people change but I just can't grasp the thought that she just woke up one day and said, I hate her, we're not friends.
I wanted to be there for her so bad when she was suffering but she pushed me away. I would've fought to keep our friendship alive but she got a new best friend and I guess my time was just up.
I've seen her change drastically over the past year and a half...two maybe. It's been crazy. She's not the girl I became friends with...the girl whose house I used to go to and watch 10 Things I Hate About You and quote...and not mind if she quoted it all. The girl who couldn't utter a curse word and rarely ever typed it. The girl who sat across from me in the flute section and would mouth the friendship song...T for Two and Two for T...me for you and you for. The girl who didn't care what she looked like or what music was in or trying to fit an image. The girl who I envied because she knew who she was.
I miss her. That girl that would hop in my lap and sit till my legs got sore from her boney behind lol. The girl who wrote pages of pages in my year book. I realized last year was the first year in all the time we'd been friends that we didn't sign each other's year books. The year I didn't get a card with the happy birthday song written to me in german.
She's gone and I miss that girl...that friend...my other half at the time.
I see who she is now and I hear about her struggles (not details but the general update) and I can't help but feel sorry for her. Not in a HAHA YOU'RE PATHETIC I feel sorry for you, but more of a I wish you knew your worth and it saddens me that you dont. Going only based on what I've heard, she has a "loser boyfriend" (not my words i swear) who doesn't treat her like the person she deserves to be treated. That for me is hard to imagine from the girl I once knew and that's how I know it's not her. The girl I once knew had confidence in herself (or at least she made it seem that way) and she wouldn't have let anyone make her feel less of what she knew she was worth. It saddens me because even though we don't talk and even though I don't necessarily care for her very much, I don't think anyone should be made to cry by the one they truly care for and says they care for them too. It saddens me becasue I don't think she values herself enough to know she deserves better, needs to get out and that she will find better. I just feel for her. I do. I shouldn't after everything that went down, but I do. I wish I could still put a yellow ros in her locker and make her smile. I wish I could write her a note saying she'll be ok and to just trust in God and pray. I wish I coul let her know I'm praying for her and that everything will be ok.
Unfortunately that's never gonna happen because in an attempt to do so, it'd appear I was trying to revive a dead friendship and in an effort to acoid a slap in the face, I'll keep at my distane and hope from afar that my prayers will reach her. Even though we don't like each other and we avoid each other when we're at the same place at the same time, she was still once my friend and though its crazy and hard to believe a part of my heart will always harbor her memory.
So enough of this deepness. I have to register for classes!!! Second semester here I come.
Oh and even though I feel this way abt her, as far as Justin's concerned...he's an asshole. A liar and a cheater and out of my life for good. Sure I said some hurtful things to him, but at least I said something. I may not have known what was going on but what do you expect when you don't talk to someone. When you can't communicate and the other person's not a friggin mind reader what do you expect?
This semester I've castrated baby pigs and young bulls. Everytime, his gawdawful memory gives me the strength and drive to get the job done. It girl I once knew would love to her those stories...grap, rip, rupture...