Urges...
lol. I've had a strong urge to just tell someone off sometime...I just want the chance to say "Fuck you!" lol. As crazy as that sounds I just want that to happen so bad. Someone will cross my path one of these days that I wont even think about it twice and I'll just say it and finally feel relieved. For me it's a big deal cuz I'm not a curser and the worst I think I've ever said to anyone is "Screw you" so if and when I get this one out it'll be out of my system. Weird aren't I? Eh. I have a new fav...Sum 41. I know so many of their songs that I didnt know I knew like Fat Lip, The Hell Song, Still Waiting, and In Too Deep. I love all the songs available of theirs and I've downloaded all I can. Very cool. Ah i did it again. Eh oh well some habits are hard to break. Speaking of habits...the book the Handmaid's Tale speaks of habits. In there she's talking of their required dress and anyway it just flashed me back to their. So I saw Dr. Starkey today and we chit chatted and I know I got comfortable with her cuz I said "...and it suck because..." I mean when you start talking to ur Doc like that its just not the norm. lol. But yea we talked abt my fear today...according to Cindy I fear two people right now and I have to get stronger in that area so i can cope with myself and blah blah. Dr. Starkey says my fear is just my way of protecting myself so I dont get "involved" in a bad situation again. Who knows what's normal now. People have impacts in our lives in many ways...it's incredible how in the past year the people in my live have actually altered it completely. I'll never be the same again. I know it wasn't intentional and that keeps me feeling human. Anyways i miss court. I got a letter from Crisp the other day. She wrote it to me all in french. It was really cool. Best of all I actually understood it. How amazing. the good thing for Crisp is that b/c my french isn't that fab. I wouldnt be able to tell her if she made any tense mistaks or w/e. lol. I think I'll write the kiddies back. i miss them and I hope they're still relatively the same. Marcus and I are talking more. Well...texting. Last month I signed up for 1000 text messages but I wont be needing those anymore. And now I dont have to fight my dad abt the phone bill every month b/c we both combined stay under 200 peak min. This year is looking amazing. I can't wait for what the future holds. I have my horsies my babies...I love them...and now Santana. Black with two white socks and very hyper. Pasture horse so he's not liking the indoors very much. My favs are Natch, Ramana, Jackson, Pony, and Kobe. 5 out of 7. I havent spent much time with ol' Chipper or Santana so I can't say much abt them but I love Natch cuz he's the calmest and most gentile of the males. I could hug him all day and he'd let me. Ramana is the female and well she's so gentile and jsut oh so sweet. Jackson I love cuz he's all playful and though he gives me bruises cuz he likes to show my affection with he big chompers, he's adoreable. Pony...he's the baby and lke Natch so sweet and will let me cling to him all day if I wanted to. I've just gotten to know Kobe and he's a younger Natch. He's lighter skinned. lol. Total sweeties all of them. Jackson is the playful one and I love that about him. I can't wait till i meet the vet. Amazing thing abt this job is it's only the weekends so even during the school year I can work. They've been my therapy. i think after this entry I'll go watch some Pure Country. Yee haw...I still have that. How? I have no idea but I look forward to it...bet I can quote it pretty close to perfectly. It'll be on this sat on CMT. So said the CMT GS Message Board ppl that are way crazier abt GS than me. I started a few topics for laughs...i fit in cuz i've got a norm user name...straitlover917...hahaha. I know I know don't have to say a word. lol. there are worse if you can believe it. at least I havent taken on his last name or obsessed abt his extended family...there are some crazies. lol. Well off to the basement i go!