little brother
Wow! I just talked to my little brother to tell him happy birthday, and it turned into an argument beginning with me telling him not to bitch too much about something or rather. He made the "omg" smiley and acted like he was offended b/c I used that word, even though it had nothing dorrogatory attached to it. I asked why that word was bad bad and the best he could do was call me stupid. I asked him why that was stupid, and all he could say after that was to call me an idiot. I'm sure he ran and told my parents all about it which means I'm in for an earful when I get there this weekend I'm sure. I know how its all going to happen too. Karen will attck me with it at some point about the issue, I'll try to defend myself andf she'll give the same bullshit routine of giving me the same old arrogant, sarcastic reply, "you're right Rob". I wish she knew how hurtful it used to be when she (and my dad too) said that. Can you imagine the arrogance and close-mindedness involved in that, to think you know so much to believe that you're never wrong about anything, and to keep bullshitting your way into believing it day after day?! They always found some way to let me know that they were in charge of everything, and knew more than me. Sometimes, I just felt like they thought I was so stupid. She must be the most miserable person in the whole world. She doesn't even have any real friends, and even my dad's side of the family talks shit about her behind her back constantly. What in the world happened to her to make be that way? I can't even imagine. The saddest part is that my dad will probably take her side merely to appease her so he doesn't have to deal with it later. I don't know what he's so afraid of... or I guess too lazy to actually do something about. I grew up with him telling me not to be a lemming only to find out that that excludes accepting things the way they are. Problems only escalate when you don't try to change and improve things. Acceptance is futile. Thats how we grow as people, but religion and tradition are holding us back to the point that improvements are dimminishing. Is anything I do ever good enough for them?! It seem like every time I try to do something that improves in a way I see fit, they have some stupid issue with it. Can't they just be proud of me for who I am and wanting to accomplish something at all? I don't know how to handle it anymore. I just know I'm gonna explode whenever it comes up. I hope I don't have to discontinue our relationships, because I still love them despite all of that. Anyway, here's the conversation with my brother so you know where I'm coming from:
New conversation started at 10/12/04 7:59:21 PM.
WickiFerret: hey happy day-late b-day
Lilsockrdude: u didnt call!
WickiFerret: i was going to call when my minutes were free but i forgot you a re an hour ahead of me, and thought you might be in bed or something
Lilsockrdude: u suc
WickiFerret: hey its not like i forgot your birthday at all or anything, and i am making a trip down there to see you for the occasion so u cant bitch too much
Lilsockrdude: =-O
WickiFerret: what?!
Lilsockrdude: u said a bad word =-O
WickiFerret: OMG WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!
WickiFerret: besides its really only a bad word if you call somebody that, not when its a synonym for gripe
Lilsockrdude: ya sh#$ is a bad word if u replace it with crap
WickiFerret: but that has te same meaning... the word "bitch" has several
WickiFerret: who decided what a "bad word " was anyway?
WickiFerret: if its so bad, why even invent it to begin with?
Lilsockrdude: shut up ur so stupid!
WickiFerret: oh thats an intelligent response... that really makes me think twice about what i said... maybe you should try thinking for yourself instead of just believing what everyone tells you to believe
Lilsockrdude: u idiot go away
WickiFerret: why is that idiotic?
WickiFerret: if you're so smart, back your answer up
Lilsockrdude: ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Lilsockrdude” signed off at 8:08:23 PM.
He gets this from his mother. For some reason, the world somes crashing down if she is ever threatened with being wrong about anything. He's in her own little world and I'm really afraid its swallowed up my little brother up inside it. I just don't understand why my dad doesn't put his foot down. Has he bullshitted himself around that somehow?! I know he knows that there's problems, but he can't bring himself to do anything about it. That's so selfish! I think part of it is just how he was reaised, but that still isn't an excuse. I know my sister knows this, and that's a big reason why I think I get along with her better now than I used to. She's the only one in that whole mess I can actually have real respect for. They've brainwashed my brother too much. She had the guts to try and do something about it by bringing my dad to one of her therapy sessions. He hasn't gone back- surprise... surprise. She at leaast got an apology out of him which is more than I can say from my end. I guess I'm just better at covering things up than she is. I think a lot of both our health issues are a result of that atmoshpere we grew up in. I wish they would understand that, but I know they don't want to, so I guess it'll never happen. I'm so happy Katie will be outta there after she graduates though. In the meantime, I hope things don't get too ugly, and who knows? Maybe something can be resolved. I'm not getting my hopes up though. Something has to give at some point- I can feel it.
New conversation started at 10/12/04 7:59:21 PM.
WickiFerret: hey happy day-late b-day
Lilsockrdude: u didnt call!
WickiFerret: i was going to call when my minutes were free but i forgot you a re an hour ahead of me, and thought you might be in bed or something
Lilsockrdude: u suc
WickiFerret: hey its not like i forgot your birthday at all or anything, and i am making a trip down there to see you for the occasion so u cant bitch too much
Lilsockrdude: =-O
WickiFerret: what?!
Lilsockrdude: u said a bad word =-O
WickiFerret: OMG WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!
WickiFerret: besides its really only a bad word if you call somebody that, not when its a synonym for gripe
Lilsockrdude: ya sh#$ is a bad word if u replace it with crap
WickiFerret: but that has te same meaning... the word "bitch" has several
WickiFerret: who decided what a "bad word " was anyway?
WickiFerret: if its so bad, why even invent it to begin with?
Lilsockrdude: shut up ur so stupid!
WickiFerret: oh thats an intelligent response... that really makes me think twice about what i said... maybe you should try thinking for yourself instead of just believing what everyone tells you to believe
Lilsockrdude: u idiot go away
WickiFerret: why is that idiotic?
WickiFerret: if you're so smart, back your answer up
Lilsockrdude: ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Lilsockrdude” signed off at 8:08:23 PM.
He gets this from his mother. For some reason, the world somes crashing down if she is ever threatened with being wrong about anything. He's in her own little world and I'm really afraid its swallowed up my little brother up inside it. I just don't understand why my dad doesn't put his foot down. Has he bullshitted himself around that somehow?! I know he knows that there's problems, but he can't bring himself to do anything about it. That's so selfish! I think part of it is just how he was reaised, but that still isn't an excuse. I know my sister knows this, and that's a big reason why I think I get along with her better now than I used to. She's the only one in that whole mess I can actually have real respect for. They've brainwashed my brother too much. She had the guts to try and do something about it by bringing my dad to one of her therapy sessions. He hasn't gone back- surprise... surprise. She at leaast got an apology out of him which is more than I can say from my end. I guess I'm just better at covering things up than she is. I think a lot of both our health issues are a result of that atmoshpere we grew up in. I wish they would understand that, but I know they don't want to, so I guess it'll never happen. I'm so happy Katie will be outta there after she graduates though. In the meantime, I hope things don't get too ugly, and who knows? Maybe something can be resolved. I'm not getting my hopes up though. Something has to give at some point- I can feel it.