(no subject)
One of my friends from highschool wrote this and sent it to me........
My Ass Is Better Than Your Ass
by Jenny Kuehneman
1. Well for starters I am more comfortable than you when I sit on stuff and I can probably sit in one place longer than you can. For example, at Sarah and Daz's wedding I was able to sit through all the boring speeches when most of you I saw were shifting round! (tisk tisk)
2. and even If my ass had fallen asleep, I am most definately going to laugh harder then you would in a similar situation - from the tingles as it wakes up. This would give the best men an ego boost while at the same time reducing my risk of getting cancer.
3. I bet if I was getting chased by an aborigine in the jungle and he shot me in the ass with a tranquilizer dart, it would take longer to effect me? I'd be able to run further than you, he'd eat you first and save me for dessert!
4. (Sarah, you will appreciate this) - When I use public bathrooms if there are crabs on the seat they will have to jump repeatedly to get to my private bits, which means by the time you sit they will be far too tired to get to yours! (Your welcome for that by the way!)
5. and on that note, if I do a poo, I use so much toilet roll that I am happy if some gets stuck up there...that way the next time I use a public toilet I am sure to have adequate supply.
6. If I am standing in a que, my ass acts as a spacer, I automatically have more personal space than you which to an American is very comforting, you brits get so damn close to me at times I can hardly think!
7. You know what else, if I ever get stuck on a snowy mountian and I get cold, I need only give myself a massive wedgy and start to run - presto...a personal heating device! (If it's fire you need) i just have to jam paper down there and fart whilst in route!
8. The men I sleep with actually do their bodies a favor when they tap this ass from behind. Their bones won't have to endure the same rigors it would if it were having sex with a skinny chick. There is no jarring and the clapping noise we produce, once we pick up speed, is so loud he will automatically get applause for his performance.
9. The above mentioned feature is also beneficial for outdoor fornication...keeps the birds from shitting on my back!
10. Lastly, an ass like mine creates jobs for people. It takes much more effort to produce trousers to keep my ass hidden from the world - you're prob thinking with an ass like mine why keep it hidden at all? Well that's a saftey thing really, if I were to just hang it out there for the world to see. I'd risk being hunted like a rare exotic animal.....wait a minute I AM a rare exotic animal aren't I?
Shit I am! GO ON THEN LADS, HUNT ME............. HUNT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Ass Is Better Than Your Ass
by Jenny Kuehneman
1. Well for starters I am more comfortable than you when I sit on stuff and I can probably sit in one place longer than you can. For example, at Sarah and Daz's wedding I was able to sit through all the boring speeches when most of you I saw were shifting round! (tisk tisk)
2. and even If my ass had fallen asleep, I am most definately going to laugh harder then you would in a similar situation - from the tingles as it wakes up. This would give the best men an ego boost while at the same time reducing my risk of getting cancer.
3. I bet if I was getting chased by an aborigine in the jungle and he shot me in the ass with a tranquilizer dart, it would take longer to effect me? I'd be able to run further than you, he'd eat you first and save me for dessert!
4. (Sarah, you will appreciate this) - When I use public bathrooms if there are crabs on the seat they will have to jump repeatedly to get to my private bits, which means by the time you sit they will be far too tired to get to yours! (Your welcome for that by the way!)
5. and on that note, if I do a poo, I use so much toilet roll that I am happy if some gets stuck up there...that way the next time I use a public toilet I am sure to have adequate supply.
6. If I am standing in a que, my ass acts as a spacer, I automatically have more personal space than you which to an American is very comforting, you brits get so damn close to me at times I can hardly think!
7. You know what else, if I ever get stuck on a snowy mountian and I get cold, I need only give myself a massive wedgy and start to run - presto...a personal heating device! (If it's fire you need) i just have to jam paper down there and fart whilst in route!
8. The men I sleep with actually do their bodies a favor when they tap this ass from behind. Their bones won't have to endure the same rigors it would if it were having sex with a skinny chick. There is no jarring and the clapping noise we produce, once we pick up speed, is so loud he will automatically get applause for his performance.
9. The above mentioned feature is also beneficial for outdoor fornication...keeps the birds from shitting on my back!
10. Lastly, an ass like mine creates jobs for people. It takes much more effort to produce trousers to keep my ass hidden from the world - you're prob thinking with an ass like mine why keep it hidden at all? Well that's a saftey thing really, if I were to just hang it out there for the world to see. I'd risk being hunted like a rare exotic animal.....wait a minute I AM a rare exotic animal aren't I?
Shit I am! GO ON THEN LADS, HUNT ME............. HUNT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!