(no subject)
i had a really weird dream last night...
well let's start out with yesterday... i was driving with my baby, and i saw a green four door ford escort... i used to ride in that kind of car, happily- then i woke up to a nightmare.
i don't remember how it started exactly but i was my age now, and my life was in a crazed mess, none of the things that have really happened to me in my life, actually existed, except i was in college, and unhappy.
so he walked back into my life and apologized to me. we started hanging out again and the green ford escort was a white convertible. he was different, compassionate and loving, it almost shocked me, but in my dream, it was true. i couldn't believe my eyes but i was in his house again, in is driveway like i was for prom, helping his mom with the groceries. it was my life all over again at the age of 16, but it was happy, not emotional, or traumatic. it was loving.
after different events happened in my dream i woke up and thought about why i would think about this person... i concluded:
that no matter what, i will always care for this individual for obvious reasons, and since i was so young, and so confused, i let this person take me into a deep hole that i should have, but didnt want to crawl out of... he told me what to do and in the end yelled at me constantly...
but i remember the first day we were together... in his bed before we kissed... he looked at me and said "you know what we're doing?" and i said "yea, laying in the bed" and he said, "we're cuddling."
in life i have come to this outlook, why do people change so drastically when they truly dont mean it? what happened to that person? that compassionate, sensual, nurturing person? was it my fault? did i change him?
i also ask what happened to a different person... the person that, on his last day working with me, and after i thought it would be so cute to come over to the emergency door i stood near to sit and smoke a cigarette, he did, without me even saying anything. on his break, he sat there and talked to me through the glass door instead of talking on his cell phone and not thinking about me.
is it my fault he changed so? what about how he said things? i dont understand this conclusion... i know why life throws things at us, but i dont ask why they happen to me, i ask why they happen.
im glad i've finally found someone that actually loves me, and cares about me the way these other two should have, but only my dreams can help me re-live my past happily.
well let's start out with yesterday... i was driving with my baby, and i saw a green four door ford escort... i used to ride in that kind of car, happily- then i woke up to a nightmare.
i don't remember how it started exactly but i was my age now, and my life was in a crazed mess, none of the things that have really happened to me in my life, actually existed, except i was in college, and unhappy.
so he walked back into my life and apologized to me. we started hanging out again and the green ford escort was a white convertible. he was different, compassionate and loving, it almost shocked me, but in my dream, it was true. i couldn't believe my eyes but i was in his house again, in is driveway like i was for prom, helping his mom with the groceries. it was my life all over again at the age of 16, but it was happy, not emotional, or traumatic. it was loving.
after different events happened in my dream i woke up and thought about why i would think about this person... i concluded:
that no matter what, i will always care for this individual for obvious reasons, and since i was so young, and so confused, i let this person take me into a deep hole that i should have, but didnt want to crawl out of... he told me what to do and in the end yelled at me constantly...
but i remember the first day we were together... in his bed before we kissed... he looked at me and said "you know what we're doing?" and i said "yea, laying in the bed" and he said, "we're cuddling."
in life i have come to this outlook, why do people change so drastically when they truly dont mean it? what happened to that person? that compassionate, sensual, nurturing person? was it my fault? did i change him?
i also ask what happened to a different person... the person that, on his last day working with me, and after i thought it would be so cute to come over to the emergency door i stood near to sit and smoke a cigarette, he did, without me even saying anything. on his break, he sat there and talked to me through the glass door instead of talking on his cell phone and not thinking about me.
is it my fault he changed so? what about how he said things? i dont understand this conclusion... i know why life throws things at us, but i dont ask why they happen to me, i ask why they happen.
im glad i've finally found someone that actually loves me, and cares about me the way these other two should have, but only my dreams can help me re-live my past happily.