Here we go again.
So, today was pretty emotional. First of all, I got together with Safia and Scott just to find out that this is the last time I'll see Safia since she's going to school this Saturday. I had no clue and I was not prepared. I played it cool when we said goodbye but then went home and cried because I got to see her a total of 2 times all summer, and that's just awful for a best friend. (I'm awful.) I will definitely visit Pitt this year, I am so excited, and Scott is going to go the same weekend so it'll be a big reunion. But I'm really upset. Then since I was on a roll, I started crying about Mike. I am starting Wood River a week earlier than I thought I was going to be, and I was soooo happy before because I thought I would have this whole week with nothing to do except hang out with him and other people who would be leaving for college very soon. But now I have to work. I was thinking about calling and being like, "Look, I put on my application I can't start until the 29th, and I'm really sorry but I couldn't get out of the engagements I've already made, so I really cannot start until the 29th like I wrote." But then I started thinking and realized I NEED the money so bad. For car insurance I pay $526 every six months, and I don't even own a car. I have plenty of money for insurance, but I really really really need to get a car because if my mom gets the job at the high school she won't be able to pick me up and I'll have to walk home from the train station, which would be good because I'll get some exercise but bad because in the winter it's really cold and half of the walk is on Bristol Pike where stupid guys in trucks honk at you and scare the shit out of you and people drive recklessly and I'd probably die eventually because of getting hit by a car. Plus when it rains... ugh. And that started me thinking about college, and I realized, once and for all, there is no way I am going to get through college. I cannot do math. I am sick and tired of people telling me if I try harder, or just keep trying, I'll get it. Because it's NOT TRUE. How much harder do I have to try?? How many times do I have to try??? I have to take three fucking semesters of math, and I can't even get through one yet. It really really really sucks, but I am just not smart like my parents think I am, like everyone else thinks I am. Everyone thinks I'm smart because I love to read, but nobody gives a fuck about being good at English, because our country focuses more on math and science and people who are good at those subjects are the REAL geniuses. Most colleges require one semester of English and at least two semesters of math. Well hell, can't I just swap that around? I have to take three semesters of math though, because I'm a fucking idiot. The course I took last semester was called Basic Algebra... and I failed THAT????? There is no hope. So I'm going to have to start thinking of other options. Maybe work at Wood River full time... or find another full time job... or get two part time jobs... start saving like now... though I doubt I'm going to get married without going to college, because guys want smart girls, (smart guys anyway,) and no smart girl would have to drop out of college, she should be successful and brilliant and able to do fucking Basic Algebra, and I'm going to lose everything. So I stole a beer from the fridge and drank it and took some caffeine pills because I needed to calm down and guess what, it worked. So that means I'm going to become an alcoholic and a pill head because I can't find any other way to calm down. So hooray, my future is looking bright, I can't wait. Sorry for this post, my set of ears is on a cruise with his family right now. I've actually had a really good couple of days, I'm sure I'll update about them later.