(no subject)
scury . . .yet relieved
so this round of quiting teh sauce has been a muthafooka.
for some reason my body has not been psyched about it:
• i don't sleep well
• i get wicked headaches...like tetsuo from akira style
• upon waking various joints ache like i just got jumped...i think this coincides with not sleeping well
• highly irritable
. .and stressin has powered up these ailments
this has left me a grumpy, sore, tiger-balm reaking monster...
but i am glad about finding out how dependent my body had become, before it was too late.
. .like whoa
just re-read this and it sounds pretty bad...just to clarify...
yes, i was heavily and unhealthily drinking. . . .and not in any kind of social setting
and yes i scared myself enough to think about attending AA.
but i talked to a few people that went through the program and found out it was not necessary for my case.
what they told me:
1. i was conscious of the problem. thats step one.
2. "sometimes rearranging your life / removing a stressful element will help you control it" (did that. check next entry)
3. quiting is only necessary if it is taking over your life. forcing the issue will drive someone to crave their addiction even more, and that does not help with the healing process.
so i made up a personal test...the other week i went to the bar and had 1 drink. easy enough.
then i tried the same thing at home (when i usually drink until i forget about work so i can fall asleep). check.
so i then i attempted the weening process. 1 drink a nite. then 1 every other nite, until i thought it was a good time to completely stop for a while...until i felt physically recovered.
but now my body's through withdrawl...so everyday feels like a hangover even though i haven't had a sip. i've heard this last for a few days depending on your situation. . .
the creative process can be a bad relationship sometimes because it's not the type of work that stays at work. there is so much problem solving (that rarely occurs in the workpalace). . .but there is no switch to turn it off either. its like a memory of past love. that shit just sneaks up on you. so for me drinking was a way to block that out. days on days i jsut wanted to relax when i came home. it became part of my scheduled, a routine.
but now that the stress-job is complete i can go back to moderation.
i guess sounds pretty bad..but its more that the bad stuff is over.
but i still reak of tiger-balm
so this round of quiting teh sauce has been a muthafooka.
for some reason my body has not been psyched about it:
• i don't sleep well
• i get wicked headaches...like tetsuo from akira style
• upon waking various joints ache like i just got jumped...i think this coincides with not sleeping well
• highly irritable
. .and stressin has powered up these ailments
this has left me a grumpy, sore, tiger-balm reaking monster...
but i am glad about finding out how dependent my body had become, before it was too late.
. .like whoa
just re-read this and it sounds pretty bad...just to clarify...
yes, i was heavily and unhealthily drinking. . . .and not in any kind of social setting
and yes i scared myself enough to think about attending AA.
but i talked to a few people that went through the program and found out it was not necessary for my case.
what they told me:
1. i was conscious of the problem. thats step one.
2. "sometimes rearranging your life / removing a stressful element will help you control it" (did that. check next entry)
3. quiting is only necessary if it is taking over your life. forcing the issue will drive someone to crave their addiction even more, and that does not help with the healing process.
so i made up a personal test...the other week i went to the bar and had 1 drink. easy enough.
then i tried the same thing at home (when i usually drink until i forget about work so i can fall asleep). check.
so i then i attempted the weening process. 1 drink a nite. then 1 every other nite, until i thought it was a good time to completely stop for a while...until i felt physically recovered.
but now my body's through withdrawl...so everyday feels like a hangover even though i haven't had a sip. i've heard this last for a few days depending on your situation. . .
the creative process can be a bad relationship sometimes because it's not the type of work that stays at work. there is so much problem solving (that rarely occurs in the workpalace). . .but there is no switch to turn it off either. its like a memory of past love. that shit just sneaks up on you. so for me drinking was a way to block that out. days on days i jsut wanted to relax when i came home. it became part of my scheduled, a routine.
but now that the stress-job is complete i can go back to moderation.
i guess sounds pretty bad..but its more that the bad stuff is over.
but i still reak of tiger-balm