The Friday Five for July 12 and Other Musings
1. Are you good at fixing things?
In some ways, yes. I think I'm good at figuring out what is wrong. My husband comes to me whenever he has any problems with internet or computer related stuff - unfortunately it's usually when I'm trying to get some me-time, plus he ends up resisting my help in the end so it is super frustrating.
I'm good at emergency situations - if a child is hurt or a teacher is panicking and I feel the panic around me, I'm able to be the calm one and deal with the situation. I can deal with blood, toilet accidents, etc. Of course, I might faint afterwards like I did when my daughter got her fingers stuck in the restaurant doors. I've heard this is a neurodivergent thing.
2. What kinds of things can you fix?
Oops. See above.
But also love crafts so sewing, accessories, shop(screws, woodwork, electricity/lights). I'm not knowledgeable, and I'm not super good at any of these, but I like solving puzzles and thinking of ways in which something might work better etc.
3. Is there anyone in your family who is good at fixing things?
Hubby is in some ways. He's much more detailed so he is very careful, whereas mine can be a temporary fix. Yeah, I'm beginning to think I'm not actually "good" at fixing things. I just like to try LOL
4. Has anyone ever taught you how to fix things?
In Shop and Home Ec at school. Otherwise, no.
5. What was the last thing that broke in your home?
I think my own precious coffee mug. :((( I'm still looking for a replacement that would give me the same happiness it did. Oh, did I tell you, I'm good at breaking things? :'(
On a darker note, earlier on in my marriage, my husband told me that he felt like he was always making things and I was always breaking them. I was terribly hurt by that and wrote about it in one of my many diaries, which is why it came to mind now.
I have been reading more journals/diaries of mine - most recently handwritten ones from 1997, which was when I was 26.
I had this huge folder called Creative Writing Materials. Some of it is just a description of various situations and places, and some of it is about the dieting journey during that time. As with my high school days, I wrote detailed journal of what I ate (not every day but a lot), how I felt, the exercises I was doing, the books on dieting that I read etc. This was quite obviously a special interest of mine, but I'm not quite sure what to name it because I feel like it was part of a bigger interest, which included religion and at the center of it all, just ME. I was my own special interest. I was and still am fascinated by MYSELF LOL and why I am the way I am. And this is why this Autistic journey is soooo fascinating to me. It's all connected.
Self-Absorbed. That's me. *facepalm* I also had letters and e-mails printed out from that time that I haven't read all of yet. A lot of it is letters between my friends and me and parents and me regarding marrying my husband.
On another note, I was thinking about my inability to go to a hospital I recently found that seems to do adult diagnoses here in Hachioji. The terrible reluctance, especially because it's a "hospital" in the boonies. They have buses that cart people there from the main train station. The whole idea is frightening. I imagine being stuck with a crazy doctor who forces me to be hospitalized or something. But on the more realistic side, what will the other patients think of me? Will I meet someone I know?
Yeah, I know I said I didn't need a diagnosis but what about my kids? Many adults are getting diagnosed after their kids, but in my case, my kids are grown and have their own thoughts about it. I can't just take them to the doctor to be diagnosed. But my idea always was that if I found out more about myself, my kids would benefit from that too. They can maybe find the courage to look into it for themselves. I had this thought recently again: "My kids are watching me." Will they think it's just another obsession like Supernatural or like my husband's conspiracy theories? Or will they see it as something real? Can a diagnosis help with that?
We talked about misophonia (being extremely bothered by sounds people usually are not bothered by, like swallowing, loud eating, water dripping, etc.) again yesterday - Julian, Audrey, and I. Audrey has it pretty bad. Julian seems to be noticing issues with sound at work, having a hard time concentrating in an office maybe, which is not exactly the same but he was interested in the earplugs I had ordered recently. So, several months ago, I bought Calmer ear inserts, which are not "plugs" but kind of narrow your ear canal to lessen noise. They sort of worked but I felt like it was more for peace of mind - very minimal effect. I lost them while wearing them in bed so I was wondering what to do when Loops were recommended. I ordered a pair and I can really tell the difference in sound, but still able to hear voices so I like them so far, but they are plugs so... plugging up the earway is a bit uncomfortable too. I'm not wearing them unless I have stressful classes on Wednesday or at the daycare center with lots of kids. The three of us, though, talked a bit about Alex's difficulty with swallowing and how that makes his eating sounds quite loud. Audrey said she can't lie down in the living room when Alex is eating (he comes home later, so he eats after her). I noticed that too and was irritated by it - not his fault, obviously. I talked about how this sensitivity and knowing that other people had it, too, would make me very self-conscious when I swallowed water in my classes. But the harder I try, the louder I get because I think my throat tenses up. Smaller gulps are definitely quieter. I think maybe my son is waaay too hungry and eating too fast :D
Today is another rainy day. I don't know why Friday is always the day it rains recently. It's nice because I don't have to walk in the sweltering heat, but it's also hard to walk with a big bag in the rain. I think am just going to rest and read my journals again this weekend. The weird thing is, whatever I end up doing, I feel like time is slipping away - and I feel a sort of panic, whether I'm reading or writing or going through my diaries.
Anyway, that's my bit for this week.