The people...
I'm trying to make new friends here on LJ... it's exciting, I'm looking forward knowing someone besides people I have to work with. There's only one problem, I'm afraid it'll end before it even starts. It's the usual story really, I get excited about something, I paint this wonderful picture but then I chicken out at the last second. That's the
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I don't know anyone who is fully without fear, doubt and insecurities when it comes to socialising. Fear that they'll say something stupid. Doubt that they're good enough to hold a conversation with. What you need to understand is that we are all basically the same when it comes to these fears and doubts, we just experience them to different extents. I've had people say the same things you're saying, "Oh, I'm just no good socially, I never know what to say," and then when I've met them I've had excellent conversations with them for hours. Most people can find something in common to talk about, even if their tastes are polar opposites. Anyhow, you need to conquer that fear, because meeting people is the only way to meet people. ;P
The other thing is that a conversation is a two-way street. I'm good at listening and keeping a conversation going by asking questions and sharing my own experiences. Some people are not good at these things - they either talk and never listen, or listen and never talk. Maybe it's a personality trait, maybe it's a skill you pick up as you socialise more, I don't know. My only piece of social advice would be make sure you're not talking too much and make sure you're listening. The rest should come naturally.
Honestly though the hardest bit is getting out there and doing it, and then continuing to do it and making an effort to do it. The more you do it though, the easier it gets.
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and your adive about not talking too much... but what do you do if the other person keeps quiet?
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If you and I were chatting and you couldn't think of something to say, I would. This is what I mean when I say a conversation is a two-way street, both parties have to hold some responsibility in keeping it going.
Everyone has something to say on the topics of music, art, literature, food, coffee, sex, politics, sport, religion... I mean, those topics alone could keep me in a conversation with someone for the day. Getting information out of a shy person can sometimes be like getting blood out of a stone, but I find that's only to begin with - once they relax and become comfortable and aren't thinking about what they're saying, just having a conversation, everything else flows. Obviously, alcohol does help too. ;P
So far you've met quiet people. Okay, maybe a bit of bad luck there. I can point you to some very loud people who have no problem talking at length on any topic. I say this in all seriousness, but maybe that might be a good thing for you? If you don't have to worry so much about keeping a conversation going, maybe you'll end up relaxing in to it? I mean, I don't know, but it could be something to consider.
As for heh-heh-ing instead of ha-ha-ing, I wouldn't worry too much about that. You don't laugh as heartily as others - that doesn't mean you don't appreciate good humour. :) It's not like it would hamper a conversation or anything.
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I guess I want to much - i want to find someone with whom I can really talk about things that worry me, as opposed to... food or religion. I mean those topics are good too, but I guess what I'm trying to say I would rather have a "deep and meaningful" conversation as opposed to a conversation for the sake of having a conversation. Admittedly, I haven't had any particularly good ones of those recently either.
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D'n'Ms are all well and good, but they're a sometimes food... mentally exhausting. And you generally only have them with people who know you well. And the way people get to know you well is by having conversations about food and religion...
That's why most people who go out on the town want light, fun conversation. Both are worthwhile, but if you haven't got a group of friends to have light-and-fun with, you're going to have trouble immediately finding people for deep-and-meaningful.
You may just have to compromise in the meantime until you can find those people with whom you really connect with and can talk to in the way you'd like.
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I just hope that I will find someone who finds me at least remotely interesting so i don't feel like i'm annoying someone (...used to get picked on about the in primary school, goddamn those scars. heh)
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