(no subject)
i feel like december has lasted for months and months. i never update this frequently, and things that i did last week feel so distant. it feels like i haven't spoken with people in months.
i hate it when this happens, because it never slows things down when i want it. today raced along and now it's tomorrow. my grip on the concept of time, never more than tenuous, is slipping even further.
i'm doing the bulk of my holiday shopping today, but i think i'll be spending a lot of the day wandering around, clueless as to what to buy. i love christmastime, but i hate shopping for people. meandering through shops and browsing is fun when you have no objective, but as soon as you put on the pressure of finding something meaningful, it sucks. long and hard. but knowing exactly what you're buying and how much it costs and where to buy it makes the task so utilitarian and mechanical. you just can't win; either way you do things is soul-crushing.
i hate it when this happens, because it never slows things down when i want it. today raced along and now it's tomorrow. my grip on the concept of time, never more than tenuous, is slipping even further.
i'm doing the bulk of my holiday shopping today, but i think i'll be spending a lot of the day wandering around, clueless as to what to buy. i love christmastime, but i hate shopping for people. meandering through shops and browsing is fun when you have no objective, but as soon as you put on the pressure of finding something meaningful, it sucks. long and hard. but knowing exactly what you're buying and how much it costs and where to buy it makes the task so utilitarian and mechanical. you just can't win; either way you do things is soul-crushing.