Farewell, Grandmother...
It’s awful to see someone you love suffers.
It’s even more awful to know you cannot do anything.
And it’s just plain awful when you do realize that it’s too late.
Can I say I’m sad? Can I pretend that a part of me is now gone forever? I think not. Well, not now. Now I just feel empty. I don’t demonstrate very much my emotions to anyone and my grandmother wasn’t an exception. I regret all these times where I could have hugged her. But I haven’t. I now fully understand how stupid I was. Only now.
But does death can be a relief to someone who suffers for months? Honestly, I think it does and so thinks my sister. My grandmother did suffer because she was sick even though she was trying to keep on being happy until the very end. I admire her for such courage. To be honest with you watchers, I didn’t cry yet. Like I said, there’s only emptiness in me. But now, while I’m typing those words, I feel shattered and desperate.
When she left forever this evening, I wasn’t with her. I didn’t know she was living her last day. How could I have known such a thing? This evening I’m afraid to say I merely was with my friends to theater. I was having fun while… it was happening. Some of the members of my family were present with her. But I wasn’t. That’s the worst part of all of this. I cannot say I believe in Heaven or Hell but wherever my grandmother is in this moment, I hope she doesn’t blame me.
Thank you for reading this. I know it’s not funny but I wanted to express myself somewhere.
“Can you hear me? Are you near me? Can we pretend to leave and then we’ll meet again?”
- Gerard Way.
It’s even more awful to know you cannot do anything.
And it’s just plain awful when you do realize that it’s too late.
Can I say I’m sad? Can I pretend that a part of me is now gone forever? I think not. Well, not now. Now I just feel empty. I don’t demonstrate very much my emotions to anyone and my grandmother wasn’t an exception. I regret all these times where I could have hugged her. But I haven’t. I now fully understand how stupid I was. Only now.
But does death can be a relief to someone who suffers for months? Honestly, I think it does and so thinks my sister. My grandmother did suffer because she was sick even though she was trying to keep on being happy until the very end. I admire her for such courage. To be honest with you watchers, I didn’t cry yet. Like I said, there’s only emptiness in me. But now, while I’m typing those words, I feel shattered and desperate.
When she left forever this evening, I wasn’t with her. I didn’t know she was living her last day. How could I have known such a thing? This evening I’m afraid to say I merely was with my friends to theater. I was having fun while… it was happening. Some of the members of my family were present with her. But I wasn’t. That’s the worst part of all of this. I cannot say I believe in Heaven or Hell but wherever my grandmother is in this moment, I hope she doesn’t blame me.
Thank you for reading this. I know it’s not funny but I wanted to express myself somewhere.
“Can you hear me? Are you near me? Can we pretend to leave and then we’ll meet again?”
- Gerard Way.