I'm not even mad anymore.
I guess this black dark bottomless pit I fell in just keeps on getting more bottomless than ever - if that is even possible. I guess today was just one of those days when things just keep hitting you, punching you, kicking you, without you a chance of fighting back - because all the blows were so fast, there is no opening for retaliation, or you're just too tired and hurt to actually have the effort to block each hit.
I try so hard to see things in a new light. I work hard for things to change. No matter how I try, things come back at me at a whole new level - something more sinister, something more tormenting. And from there, things just keep on getting hopeless, and I continue on being helpless. Its hard to cry out for help when you know that the only person who has the power to do so isn't there anymore, but in a box. all up in pieces. You'd think he was more of a prisoner, but actually he's more free than ever. It scares me that the only way I could escape things is to be in his exact same position.
I could always quit. But, I guess I'm really not that kind of person. Because no matter how fantastical it seems, I know that if I work harder, prolong my patience, and convince myself that everything is gonna be okay, I'll get out of here and be where and who I want to be.
How many times did I wish you to be gone. But, in reality, you were never really there to begin with. Cliche, I get it.
What's scary is that even if I do get to escape, I'll forever be tainted and traumatized by the fact that I was nothing to you and I would always cry due to the fact of who we were and will never get to be. I guess I'll just have to live with that. And, for that I'm sorry.
Just a few more years. I know I'll get there.
I just hope I'm strong enough to fight this fight.
I try so hard to see things in a new light. I work hard for things to change. No matter how I try, things come back at me at a whole new level - something more sinister, something more tormenting. And from there, things just keep on getting hopeless, and I continue on being helpless. Its hard to cry out for help when you know that the only person who has the power to do so isn't there anymore, but in a box. all up in pieces. You'd think he was more of a prisoner, but actually he's more free than ever. It scares me that the only way I could escape things is to be in his exact same position.
I could always quit. But, I guess I'm really not that kind of person. Because no matter how fantastical it seems, I know that if I work harder, prolong my patience, and convince myself that everything is gonna be okay, I'll get out of here and be where and who I want to be.
How many times did I wish you to be gone. But, in reality, you were never really there to begin with. Cliche, I get it.
What's scary is that even if I do get to escape, I'll forever be tainted and traumatized by the fact that I was nothing to you and I would always cry due to the fact of who we were and will never get to be. I guess I'll just have to live with that. And, for that I'm sorry.
Just a few more years. I know I'll get there.
I just hope I'm strong enough to fight this fight.