(no subject)

[superjesus64]

why is it that these feelings are so intense...
Just by chance I saw you the other day
I almost said "hi"
but then i got this wrenching in my gut
this feeling that's so hard to describe, but at one point we have all felt it.
Its like, when you're out on a date, and you're getting to "make your move"
and you just get, these butterflies

I think there's something wrong with my head
I wish I could afford to pay someone to listen to me
normally these butterflies are supposed to encourage you,
make you take those bold steps
say "hi"
but...

When i saw you the other day, you looked your normal self
you were walking over to your car
it didn't seem you were in a rush or anything
but seeing you, and wanting to say "hi"
made me want to kill myself...
I didn't want to see you;
I don't think I could honestly talk to you anymore
with out this intense ... self-hatred...

Its not your fault, i don't blame you, i never did
in fact you warned me, but you know, its not like I haven't taken chances before
... but i look back, and think to myself
what could have been done differently
what cold I have done differently
what should have been done differently
could things have been different

and all i wanted to do was buy a fucking soda
and there you are
you
me
soda
and this strong desire
to die.