Feelin Larger Than Life.
Sometimes it take a light to see the room you're in.
Last Friday, I felt like I was sitting on top of the world. I didn't quite know how to handle it or what to do. There came moments where I had to sit down, close my eyes and say to myself: Slow down, Lan. Last Thursday night was really awesome. I met up with Josh that Thursday night and we had dinner at Prudential before he told me he wanted to go out. We quickly headed back to my apartment and I changed my clothes and we headed out to Embassy. We finally got there and I immediately ran into a friend of mine as soon as we stepped in the door. After chatting with Chris and introducing him to Josh, Josh and I hit the dance floor and danced the entire night away. A few of my favorite songs came on and it was really awesome. I felt like I owned the place. We ran into Edwin and his date Danny; I ran into Tim once again and we chatted for a bit before Josh and I went back to the dance floor. Everything was perfect and I questioned myself: Is this God's way of blessing me for what I just went through eight months ago?. We were dancing really close. He has a really incredible body and he smelled so good; that just made it even better. The last song was, "Only You" by Ashanti and it was just really fitting considering how the night was going. He had his arms around me most of the night. But at that one song, he had his arms wrapped around my waist, I had my arms around his neck and shoulders and he got closer to me and I felt like I was just all his; and for a brief few seconds, I became a little overwhelmed and had to breath deep. At that moment with his arms around me, all I could do was close my eyes and think to myself: If this is Heaven, I never wanna come back down.
Friday after work, I went to spin class and had an excellent workout. I was really exhausted but felt so great. After my workout, I was on the subway and I was so pumped, that I was still jammin' and dancing to the music blaring into my ear from my iPod. I didn't realized a whole shitload of people were watching and kinda smiling at me--some kinda dancing with me. One guy winked at me as he nodded his head and jammed to his iPod too. I felt so good, I came home and just had to collapse on my bed and unwind. The past few weeks, the past few weekends have been really awesome--I know, I sound like broken record everytime I write one of these things but it's the truth. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for all of this. Work and school are what they are--I'm looking forward to moving on from both. My mom called me today and she told me that she's officially getting laid off--which isnt that big of a deal and it's nothing bad. And none of this was a huge surprise. The AT&T/Southwestern Bell Corporation merger happened; and now BellSouth and the new AT&T are merging--which will eliminate a good sizeable amount of their combined workforce so it was all inevitable. At first, I freaked out at all of this but now I feel alot better knowing what's going to happen and how everything will turn out. Meanwhile, my family in New York is doing well. I was going to go home President's Day weekend or the weekend after but it ended up not happening so I'm probobly going to go back to New York sometime before I head back to Houston for a week in April for Easter. I'm not 100% sure of my Houston plans and when I'm going to Miami for vacation but I know I'm making it happen cause I SOOOO need a vacation. Work, my school crap, everything has been sucking the life force outta me, lol.
I've been spending most of my weekends with Josh. There was a weekend where I canceled on him and that really upset him and he didn't talk to me for a few days. A week after I canceled on him, he called me out of the blue and asked me to dinner. I explained to him why I canceled plans to be with him the week before and he was very understanding and forgiving. When I told him that I'd make it up to him, he just told me that having dinner with him was enough and that just did it for me. At dinner, we chatted about a lot of things. I finally told him everything that he needed to know about last summer; and everything afterwards--what I went through emotionally, physically and mentally--all the abuse I suffered and how life had become so incredibly great since moving back to Boston and leaving Revere. We talked about him and I; how and why we fell apart and how things had changed. A year ago, things between us were really bad; and it's great that things are so different between us now. Dinner was great that night and I ended up spending the weekend in Sommerville. And I did so again last weekend. We were supposed to have a movie date last Saturday after work after meeting at Prudential for dinner but my date got ruined when a fight broke out in the movie theatre before the movie started! I was SOOOOO heated! Josh was pretty upset and confused; and we headed back to his apartment in Sommerville for the night after grabbing something to eat and some coffee from Starbucks. So far, things are going incredibly well with him. I'm very very slowly letting him in and learning to trust him again after I ended things between us last May. He's trying too. Opening up is still somewhat hard at times but I'm doing well and he's been patient and understanding and I'm thankful for the way that things are. Things are going the way they are--and I'm not looking to dramatically or suddenly make things change until it's time and we're both ready whenever that might be, if there's anything at all.
I went home a few weeks ago and had a really great time. Despite the fact that I've been on a break from dating, I've been getting hit on like crazy...more girls than guys! I've had two people at work ask me if I have a girlfriend. One lady told me that my girlfriend "must be a very lucky girl," and I'm like, "You don't know me very well do you?" But I sure am flattered! While at home a few weeks ago, I met this real jerk--turned out to be such a total asshole and a waste of time. I was disgusted at how much of an asswipe he turned out to be after I broke away from my "dating break" and decided to give this guy a chance. And that goes on top of that guy from Framingham who I went out on a Thursday night with a few weeks ago and went shopping and had dinner with--he turned out to be a total liar, a complete fake, and an utter asshole and come to find out, he has a boyfriend from what I undestand. Yo, what kinda shit is that? That's not right. I don't believe in that at all. If anyone can spend time being a jerk, than anyone can spend time learning how not to be one.
I didn't go home President's Day weekend. I stayed in Boston and went to Avalon. I met with Jarrett at Avalon and had a really awesome time. I ended up getting really drunk and I danced my ass off. I ended up running into Tim again and we danced and chatted for a while before I found Jarrett again and we danced most of the night. Kim English was really great. A few of my favorite songs came on and I really went crazy, lol. While dancing, I spotted my ex Nate eyeing me once and a while. Later on the night after having about three drinks, I decided that I was going to confront him. I went up to him, said hi and told him that him and I needed to talk. We hadn't really talked since he slept with my best friend two years ago among some other shady things. When we got outside, I was like, "Ya know, everytime we see each other, there's this big grey cloud over us and this brick wall between us and it shouldn't be that way." I basically told him that life had been so great as of lately, that it was really time for him and I to put everything behind us. He seems to think that I hate him and that I'm angry with him and I told him that was not the case; that I didn't hate him and that I had gotten over what he did a long time ago shortly after it happened. I was pretty blunt in telling him that what he did was really wrong and that he owed me an apology. He nodded and said he understood and told me he wanted to sit down and explain what happened and talk about everything. I told him that I was fine but that it was important for him and I to clear the air because I didn't want something to happen to one of us the next day and there be this big gray cloud over him and I about what happened and everything he did. At the end of it all, I hugged him and wished him a goodnight. A ton of people were amazed at what I had done when I told them I had confronted Nate. Some didn't understand, some were shocked, some were proud and a few were like, "Are you fuckin' crazy?". No matter what, I did what needed to be done. I laugh at it all now---the card, the phone calls, the threats to talk to him so he could "explain what happened" or else. Pfft, whatever. Anyway, my night at Avalon was good and I definately was feelin' the consequences of my hardcore partyin' until the following Wednesday.
Not sure what I'm doing this weekend. Last night, Josh and I went to Embassy again and had a really amazing time. I was extremely late in meeting him for dinner so I got a lot of shit from him for it--so I treated him to dinner, some Starbucks and headed back to my apartment to get ready to go out. We got there and it was really packed as usual. Now I know this sounds really mean but I'm gonna say it anyway. One thing really that pisses me off is fat, sloppy-drunk lesbians who can't dance and who dance all over the place, knock into people and are totally obnoxious and rude. You're bound to step on someone's foot here and there, bump into someone once and a while and thats all good--it happens. But girls at Embassy are so fuckin' rude, I swear. And I really shouldn't even limit it to that 'cause there were these other dudes (one in particular) that were so fuckin' rude, it was really pissing me off. And anyone who interrupts my fun during Sean Paul's "Temperature" will catch a serious ass beating, haha. Just kidding. I ran into a few people I knew, introduced them to Josh and that was about it. Later on in the night, we talked about how things were a year ago this time between us and how things change. When he said, "Yeah, I'm glad things are different...I'm glad about this," I came dangerously close to telling him something that I've been needing to tell him but decided that it wasn't the right time to really get into what I think he needs to know (its nothing bad). We got back to my apartment, chatted and chilled for a while and went to bed. Not sure where things are going but only time will tell. Hopefully, he won't fuck up this time...if this is anything at all. Only time will tell.
That's it. Had a great week (for the most part) and looking forward to the weekend. Not exactly sure what I'm doing for the weekend but I'll figure it out in time. I plan on hitting the gym hardcore for sure. Thought about going home--not gonna do that either. This might be the first weekend in a while that I don't have any definate plans (or that I'm not spending in Sommerville) in weeks, haha! If I get really bored, I'm going to New York for the weekend.
Have a good weekend all! Leave some love.
-L
Last Friday, I felt like I was sitting on top of the world. I didn't quite know how to handle it or what to do. There came moments where I had to sit down, close my eyes and say to myself: Slow down, Lan. Last Thursday night was really awesome. I met up with Josh that Thursday night and we had dinner at Prudential before he told me he wanted to go out. We quickly headed back to my apartment and I changed my clothes and we headed out to Embassy. We finally got there and I immediately ran into a friend of mine as soon as we stepped in the door. After chatting with Chris and introducing him to Josh, Josh and I hit the dance floor and danced the entire night away. A few of my favorite songs came on and it was really awesome. I felt like I owned the place. We ran into Edwin and his date Danny; I ran into Tim once again and we chatted for a bit before Josh and I went back to the dance floor. Everything was perfect and I questioned myself: Is this God's way of blessing me for what I just went through eight months ago?. We were dancing really close. He has a really incredible body and he smelled so good; that just made it even better. The last song was, "Only You" by Ashanti and it was just really fitting considering how the night was going. He had his arms around me most of the night. But at that one song, he had his arms wrapped around my waist, I had my arms around his neck and shoulders and he got closer to me and I felt like I was just all his; and for a brief few seconds, I became a little overwhelmed and had to breath deep. At that moment with his arms around me, all I could do was close my eyes and think to myself: If this is Heaven, I never wanna come back down.
Friday after work, I went to spin class and had an excellent workout. I was really exhausted but felt so great. After my workout, I was on the subway and I was so pumped, that I was still jammin' and dancing to the music blaring into my ear from my iPod. I didn't realized a whole shitload of people were watching and kinda smiling at me--some kinda dancing with me. One guy winked at me as he nodded his head and jammed to his iPod too. I felt so good, I came home and just had to collapse on my bed and unwind. The past few weeks, the past few weekends have been really awesome--I know, I sound like broken record everytime I write one of these things but it's the truth. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for all of this. Work and school are what they are--I'm looking forward to moving on from both. My mom called me today and she told me that she's officially getting laid off--which isnt that big of a deal and it's nothing bad. And none of this was a huge surprise. The AT&T/Southwestern Bell Corporation merger happened; and now BellSouth and the new AT&T are merging--which will eliminate a good sizeable amount of their combined workforce so it was all inevitable. At first, I freaked out at all of this but now I feel alot better knowing what's going to happen and how everything will turn out. Meanwhile, my family in New York is doing well. I was going to go home President's Day weekend or the weekend after but it ended up not happening so I'm probobly going to go back to New York sometime before I head back to Houston for a week in April for Easter. I'm not 100% sure of my Houston plans and when I'm going to Miami for vacation but I know I'm making it happen cause I SOOOO need a vacation. Work, my school crap, everything has been sucking the life force outta me, lol.
I've been spending most of my weekends with Josh. There was a weekend where I canceled on him and that really upset him and he didn't talk to me for a few days. A week after I canceled on him, he called me out of the blue and asked me to dinner. I explained to him why I canceled plans to be with him the week before and he was very understanding and forgiving. When I told him that I'd make it up to him, he just told me that having dinner with him was enough and that just did it for me. At dinner, we chatted about a lot of things. I finally told him everything that he needed to know about last summer; and everything afterwards--what I went through emotionally, physically and mentally--all the abuse I suffered and how life had become so incredibly great since moving back to Boston and leaving Revere. We talked about him and I; how and why we fell apart and how things had changed. A year ago, things between us were really bad; and it's great that things are so different between us now. Dinner was great that night and I ended up spending the weekend in Sommerville. And I did so again last weekend. We were supposed to have a movie date last Saturday after work after meeting at Prudential for dinner but my date got ruined when a fight broke out in the movie theatre before the movie started! I was SOOOOO heated! Josh was pretty upset and confused; and we headed back to his apartment in Sommerville for the night after grabbing something to eat and some coffee from Starbucks. So far, things are going incredibly well with him. I'm very very slowly letting him in and learning to trust him again after I ended things between us last May. He's trying too. Opening up is still somewhat hard at times but I'm doing well and he's been patient and understanding and I'm thankful for the way that things are. Things are going the way they are--and I'm not looking to dramatically or suddenly make things change until it's time and we're both ready whenever that might be, if there's anything at all.
I went home a few weeks ago and had a really great time. Despite the fact that I've been on a break from dating, I've been getting hit on like crazy...more girls than guys! I've had two people at work ask me if I have a girlfriend. One lady told me that my girlfriend "must be a very lucky girl," and I'm like, "You don't know me very well do you?" But I sure am flattered! While at home a few weeks ago, I met this real jerk--turned out to be such a total asshole and a waste of time. I was disgusted at how much of an asswipe he turned out to be after I broke away from my "dating break" and decided to give this guy a chance. And that goes on top of that guy from Framingham who I went out on a Thursday night with a few weeks ago and went shopping and had dinner with--he turned out to be a total liar, a complete fake, and an utter asshole and come to find out, he has a boyfriend from what I undestand. Yo, what kinda shit is that? That's not right. I don't believe in that at all. If anyone can spend time being a jerk, than anyone can spend time learning how not to be one.
I didn't go home President's Day weekend. I stayed in Boston and went to Avalon. I met with Jarrett at Avalon and had a really awesome time. I ended up getting really drunk and I danced my ass off. I ended up running into Tim again and we danced and chatted for a while before I found Jarrett again and we danced most of the night. Kim English was really great. A few of my favorite songs came on and I really went crazy, lol. While dancing, I spotted my ex Nate eyeing me once and a while. Later on the night after having about three drinks, I decided that I was going to confront him. I went up to him, said hi and told him that him and I needed to talk. We hadn't really talked since he slept with my best friend two years ago among some other shady things. When we got outside, I was like, "Ya know, everytime we see each other, there's this big grey cloud over us and this brick wall between us and it shouldn't be that way." I basically told him that life had been so great as of lately, that it was really time for him and I to put everything behind us. He seems to think that I hate him and that I'm angry with him and I told him that was not the case; that I didn't hate him and that I had gotten over what he did a long time ago shortly after it happened. I was pretty blunt in telling him that what he did was really wrong and that he owed me an apology. He nodded and said he understood and told me he wanted to sit down and explain what happened and talk about everything. I told him that I was fine but that it was important for him and I to clear the air because I didn't want something to happen to one of us the next day and there be this big gray cloud over him and I about what happened and everything he did. At the end of it all, I hugged him and wished him a goodnight. A ton of people were amazed at what I had done when I told them I had confronted Nate. Some didn't understand, some were shocked, some were proud and a few were like, "Are you fuckin' crazy?". No matter what, I did what needed to be done. I laugh at it all now---the card, the phone calls, the threats to talk to him so he could "explain what happened" or else. Pfft, whatever. Anyway, my night at Avalon was good and I definately was feelin' the consequences of my hardcore partyin' until the following Wednesday.
Not sure what I'm doing this weekend. Last night, Josh and I went to Embassy again and had a really amazing time. I was extremely late in meeting him for dinner so I got a lot of shit from him for it--so I treated him to dinner, some Starbucks and headed back to my apartment to get ready to go out. We got there and it was really packed as usual. Now I know this sounds really mean but I'm gonna say it anyway. One thing really that pisses me off is fat, sloppy-drunk lesbians who can't dance and who dance all over the place, knock into people and are totally obnoxious and rude. You're bound to step on someone's foot here and there, bump into someone once and a while and thats all good--it happens. But girls at Embassy are so fuckin' rude, I swear. And I really shouldn't even limit it to that 'cause there were these other dudes (one in particular) that were so fuckin' rude, it was really pissing me off. And anyone who interrupts my fun during Sean Paul's "Temperature" will catch a serious ass beating, haha. Just kidding. I ran into a few people I knew, introduced them to Josh and that was about it. Later on in the night, we talked about how things were a year ago this time between us and how things change. When he said, "Yeah, I'm glad things are different...I'm glad about this," I came dangerously close to telling him something that I've been needing to tell him but decided that it wasn't the right time to really get into what I think he needs to know (its nothing bad). We got back to my apartment, chatted and chilled for a while and went to bed. Not sure where things are going but only time will tell. Hopefully, he won't fuck up this time...if this is anything at all. Only time will tell.
That's it. Had a great week (for the most part) and looking forward to the weekend. Not exactly sure what I'm doing for the weekend but I'll figure it out in time. I plan on hitting the gym hardcore for sure. Thought about going home--not gonna do that either. This might be the first weekend in a while that I don't have any definate plans (or that I'm not spending in Sommerville) in weeks, haha! If I get really bored, I'm going to New York for the weekend.
Have a good weekend all! Leave some love.
-L