Chance Encounters All Around
Pain is only a pulse if you feel it.
There's a lot of f-bombs in here...so be careful.
Last week Tuesday, I had lunch with Dylan and hung out with him for a few hours before he caught a flight to Newark to drive into New York. We had lunch and chatted for a while. Everytime I see him, he looks different. This time, his hair was moderately curly and he wore contacts instead of his usual pair of glasses. After lunch, he helped me move some boxes from my old office to my new one which is a little ways across the terminal. Before he left, he cornered me into this huge lecture about taking better care of myself and not working so much; and taking some time off from work. Pffft, easier said than done, bitch. And then I got this pep talk about how "great" I am and that everything that happened this summer when I was in Revere was not my fault. As he was about to leave, we hugged for about 10 minutes and he kissed me goodbye. There came a point where I really just didn't want him to leave because he's my best friend and I miss him a lot.
This past week has sucked big time with all the rain that we've been getting--and it's still raining!. It rained all day today. I swear to God, I'm building an ark. And it's hella depressing. I worked alot this week, too. And these past few days have definately been weird with all the people I've been running into and stuff. I talked to Andrew last week. He told me his birthday was a week from Wednesday (meaning this past Wednesday) and that he'd be at Avalon and he was like, "Are you going?" and I was like, "Um, I don't know. I'm not sure." Ha! I knew damn well I was going but I sure as hell wasn't about to tell him yes. He said, "Well, give me a call." HA! I'm thinkinmg: Are you fuckin' serious dude?! Ask me if I called him when I was at Avalon. *Rolls eyes. And no, I didn't call him for his birthday. Considering the way he treated me and all the mean and nasty things he said and did to me, he didn't deserve it. And I got a LOT of people telling me, "You better not call that asshole! He's a jerk! He doesn't deserve a phone call! He's got major issues! He's an asshole!" Yeah, I know that--don't forget who was there when he was being an asshole.
Last Friday, I decided to do a little shopping. I checked out Armani Exchange, Gap and French Connection at Copley and didn't find anything I wanted. I really wanted this tan polo shirt but I figured since I was already going down Newbury Street to the music store, I would check out the other French Connection on Newbury Street. I headed to Marhsall's first, bought some new underwear, a few sweaters and ventured over to the other French Connection. I checked out the men's section and as I was coming down the stairs to leave the store, there was my ex, Josh. In my head, I'm thinking: D'oh! I haven't seen or really talked to Josh since May since I kinda stopped hanging out with him and kinda ended things between us. We exchanged hellos. I said, "I didn't know you worked here," and he said, "Oh, remember when I applied? It was the last time you and I hung out...and I spent the night," and I was like, "Oh...yeah, that's right." In my head, I like: "Fuck!" Of course it would be my fuckin' luck to run into someone I was involved with. He asked me how life was but I didn't really say too much. He asked me if I found what I was looking for, kinda teased me that I was shopping in the rain. I told him It was my day off and I didn't find anything at the other French Connection store. Anyways, we chatted for a bit and I headed out for the music store. On my way out, I think he was checking me out but whatever--doesnt matter if he was or if he wasn't. Nevertheless, I'm sure he's doing well. Even though things ended the way they did by me cutting things off, I still wish him well--I still (and always will) care about him, still want him to be happy, all that good sappy stuff--cause that's the type of guy I am. I miss him in regards to how he made me smile and how he always made me laugh. But I don't miss how he made me feel one fuckin' bit. I don't miss the head games; I don't miss the confusion, I don't miss any of that. I never took advantage of him; I never wanted anything from him but he wasn't being right with me and that's why things ended the way they did. But I'm glad to see he's doing well. On my way out of French Connection, I thought to myself: All I need to do is run into Andrew to top everything off!"
Last week Saturday, I got real hungry while I was chatting online with this guy and before I knew it, I was hauling my ass down Parker Street to meet him to get something to eat at afterHours. He was a really cool guy, really good looking, seemed pretty nice. We hung out for a bit before leaving and heading home. We're probobly not going to hang out again but whatever. I think I was a little too outgoing for him but...either way, he was cool and life goes on. After that, I threw my wet clothes off and went to bed; glad to finally have had something to eat before going to bed. I had to wake up at 9am to work at the airport and literally worked a 10-hour day. I knew that I would be walking into a headache when I arrived and I did and I was none too happy. After leaving work, I headed back to Roxbury Crossing to meet up with my friend from work who I was going to Avalon with. We hung out and pre-gamed for a while. I had about 4 Smirnoff's and a bottle and a half of wine before we headed to Avalon.
Chani and I got to Avalon and immediately checked our coats. We went into the bathroom, she peed, I waited. As we were leaving, this guy came into the bathroom and got in front of me and was like, "Hello Gorgeous!" and I was like, "Um, hi. Can I get by?" and I grabbed Chani's hand and walked past him. He cut Chani off and caught up with me and was like, "I didn't get your name?" and I said, "Dude, I didn't give it to you." He said, "Okay, I'm John," and I introduced myself to him and told him I was waiting for someone. I grabbed Chani and headed for the bar so I could grab a drink. I wasn't really interested in being cruised or groped; I go to clubs to dance and have fun with my friends. Once I got my drink, two of my all-time favorite songs came on: "I Believe: Chris Cox Bootleg Mix" and "U Turn Me" by DJ Brett Henrichsen came on back-to-back and I danced my fuckin' ass off!!!! Those are TWO of my favorite songs ever. I danced with this really hot dude and things had to end when he was started to try to give me a hickey. No dude, I barely know you--I don't mind dancing with you cause its hot but that's gross--I'm not into random stangers trying to play Count Dracula on my neck.
Later on in the night, I noticed I was being watched by two people I knew from school. Things got a little weird after that cause someone I use to work with was there. He came up to me, said hi and we chatted for a bit and we danced (and grinded). Before I knew it, he was whipping out his cell phone to do the whole cell phone number exchange thing and telling me I should take down his number. I didn't know what to really make of anything but I kept it under wraps to myself. My ex-boyfriend Jayson was there; we chatted and danced for a bit. At the end of the night, Chani and I headed home and got something to eat at this pizza shop on Boylston Street near Massachusetts Avenue. This one drunk dude had the audacity to say the "F" word near all these homos and I said, "Dude, you better watch it." Later on, that dude got into a fight with some other guy (who was straight) so I figured this asshole was really drunk. Chani and I deuced it outta there and walked home. We got home around 3:00 and passed out.
Something special Sunday night was a few text message exchanges with Canaan. I text messaged him and told him that I cared about him a lot because I really do. He text messaged me back and told me he felt the same way and that he appriciated my text message. I text messaged him back and told him that it was really important for him to know that I cared about him. He text messaged me back and told me he loved me. Mind you, I was doing all that text-messaging while I was dancing and his "L-word" text message stopped me dead in my tracks. I downed another drink before I text messaged him goodnight. His text message really touched me. I talked to him yesterday and he told me he really appriciated my text message and that he meant everything he said. In his goodbye, he told me he loved me...again. Hearing it from him really makes me smile because I really do care about him and I really do feel for him as a friend. He was there when things were going bad between Josh and I; and again when Andrew really burned me. I'm a very strong, independent, strong-willed, optimistic person with a great heart. But ya know, everyone has their weak moments and I had mine this summer after everything Andrew said and did to me. And he was there for me. So I love him for that.
Work the next day wasn't too bad; I had a Red Bull and a breakfast sandwich to carry me through the day. Work wasn't too bad. It was pretty slow. I worked on Tuesday also but had Wednesday off from the airport. I worked at the Student Center both Tuesday and Wednesday and had Thursday night off. Because it was raining so much today, I pretty much stayed indoors and caught up on much needed rest. I got to see Dylan and Daniel one more time before they headed to Ottawa for the weekend to see his Mom, who's recovering from breast cancer. She's doing reall well so I know he's happy about that. Daniel made a joke earlier, telling me that I snored. I was like, "Well, you drool," and he said, "Well, Daddy does both." It was pretty funny.
I've been told reading my journal thingys is like watching The OC. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I definately admit that my life has had its dramatic moments as everyone's has. The three-year mark of my father's passing is fast approaching. I lost two nights of sleep this week because I had really bad nightmares about him. I miss him--a lot. Losing my father at the age of 19 was hard; and things will never be the same. I'm over everything; I've moved on. I miss him, I love him, I cherish the memories that I have of him--the good ones and the bad ones. They're important to me. But overall, I'm doing really great. Work is going great, school is good. Health is good, my family is good--I can't complain. I miss Andrew but that's underscored by the fact that he treated me like shit and I left him. And life has been great since I did.
In conclusion, this past week has been good even though I had these run-ins and some gaps of sleep here and there. I plan on heading to New York in a few days--that means road trip in the Beemer, baby! My brother and my sisters and I are going to go to my Dad's memorial on the anniversary of his death and pay our respects. I love my brother and my sisters because they're super supportive and just so awesome. They accept me and love me for who I am and my lifestyle hasn't changed a thing between us; except bring us clother together. I love them and I'm incredibly blessed to have them in my life. :)
Jealousy brings you to only one place: unhappiness
Goodnight.
P.S. I'm aware there may be a number of typos in here so give me some credit. Bret, if you email, IM or call me about my LJ, I'm gonna throw a house on you. :)
There's a lot of f-bombs in here...so be careful.
Last week Tuesday, I had lunch with Dylan and hung out with him for a few hours before he caught a flight to Newark to drive into New York. We had lunch and chatted for a while. Everytime I see him, he looks different. This time, his hair was moderately curly and he wore contacts instead of his usual pair of glasses. After lunch, he helped me move some boxes from my old office to my new one which is a little ways across the terminal. Before he left, he cornered me into this huge lecture about taking better care of myself and not working so much; and taking some time off from work. Pffft, easier said than done, bitch. And then I got this pep talk about how "great" I am and that everything that happened this summer when I was in Revere was not my fault. As he was about to leave, we hugged for about 10 minutes and he kissed me goodbye. There came a point where I really just didn't want him to leave because he's my best friend and I miss him a lot.
This past week has sucked big time with all the rain that we've been getting--and it's still raining!. It rained all day today. I swear to God, I'm building an ark. And it's hella depressing. I worked alot this week, too. And these past few days have definately been weird with all the people I've been running into and stuff. I talked to Andrew last week. He told me his birthday was a week from Wednesday (meaning this past Wednesday) and that he'd be at Avalon and he was like, "Are you going?" and I was like, "Um, I don't know. I'm not sure." Ha! I knew damn well I was going but I sure as hell wasn't about to tell him yes. He said, "Well, give me a call." HA! I'm thinkinmg: Are you fuckin' serious dude?! Ask me if I called him when I was at Avalon. *Rolls eyes. And no, I didn't call him for his birthday. Considering the way he treated me and all the mean and nasty things he said and did to me, he didn't deserve it. And I got a LOT of people telling me, "You better not call that asshole! He's a jerk! He doesn't deserve a phone call! He's got major issues! He's an asshole!" Yeah, I know that--don't forget who was there when he was being an asshole.
Last Friday, I decided to do a little shopping. I checked out Armani Exchange, Gap and French Connection at Copley and didn't find anything I wanted. I really wanted this tan polo shirt but I figured since I was already going down Newbury Street to the music store, I would check out the other French Connection on Newbury Street. I headed to Marhsall's first, bought some new underwear, a few sweaters and ventured over to the other French Connection. I checked out the men's section and as I was coming down the stairs to leave the store, there was my ex, Josh. In my head, I'm thinking: D'oh! I haven't seen or really talked to Josh since May since I kinda stopped hanging out with him and kinda ended things between us. We exchanged hellos. I said, "I didn't know you worked here," and he said, "Oh, remember when I applied? It was the last time you and I hung out...and I spent the night," and I was like, "Oh...yeah, that's right." In my head, I like: "Fuck!" Of course it would be my fuckin' luck to run into someone I was involved with. He asked me how life was but I didn't really say too much. He asked me if I found what I was looking for, kinda teased me that I was shopping in the rain. I told him It was my day off and I didn't find anything at the other French Connection store. Anyways, we chatted for a bit and I headed out for the music store. On my way out, I think he was checking me out but whatever--doesnt matter if he was or if he wasn't. Nevertheless, I'm sure he's doing well. Even though things ended the way they did by me cutting things off, I still wish him well--I still (and always will) care about him, still want him to be happy, all that good sappy stuff--cause that's the type of guy I am. I miss him in regards to how he made me smile and how he always made me laugh. But I don't miss how he made me feel one fuckin' bit. I don't miss the head games; I don't miss the confusion, I don't miss any of that. I never took advantage of him; I never wanted anything from him but he wasn't being right with me and that's why things ended the way they did. But I'm glad to see he's doing well. On my way out of French Connection, I thought to myself: All I need to do is run into Andrew to top everything off!"
Last week Saturday, I got real hungry while I was chatting online with this guy and before I knew it, I was hauling my ass down Parker Street to meet him to get something to eat at afterHours. He was a really cool guy, really good looking, seemed pretty nice. We hung out for a bit before leaving and heading home. We're probobly not going to hang out again but whatever. I think I was a little too outgoing for him but...either way, he was cool and life goes on. After that, I threw my wet clothes off and went to bed; glad to finally have had something to eat before going to bed. I had to wake up at 9am to work at the airport and literally worked a 10-hour day. I knew that I would be walking into a headache when I arrived and I did and I was none too happy. After leaving work, I headed back to Roxbury Crossing to meet up with my friend from work who I was going to Avalon with. We hung out and pre-gamed for a while. I had about 4 Smirnoff's and a bottle and a half of wine before we headed to Avalon.
Chani and I got to Avalon and immediately checked our coats. We went into the bathroom, she peed, I waited. As we were leaving, this guy came into the bathroom and got in front of me and was like, "Hello Gorgeous!" and I was like, "Um, hi. Can I get by?" and I grabbed Chani's hand and walked past him. He cut Chani off and caught up with me and was like, "I didn't get your name?" and I said, "Dude, I didn't give it to you." He said, "Okay, I'm John," and I introduced myself to him and told him I was waiting for someone. I grabbed Chani and headed for the bar so I could grab a drink. I wasn't really interested in being cruised or groped; I go to clubs to dance and have fun with my friends. Once I got my drink, two of my all-time favorite songs came on: "I Believe: Chris Cox Bootleg Mix" and "U Turn Me" by DJ Brett Henrichsen came on back-to-back and I danced my fuckin' ass off!!!! Those are TWO of my favorite songs ever. I danced with this really hot dude and things had to end when he was started to try to give me a hickey. No dude, I barely know you--I don't mind dancing with you cause its hot but that's gross--I'm not into random stangers trying to play Count Dracula on my neck.
Later on in the night, I noticed I was being watched by two people I knew from school. Things got a little weird after that cause someone I use to work with was there. He came up to me, said hi and we chatted for a bit and we danced (and grinded). Before I knew it, he was whipping out his cell phone to do the whole cell phone number exchange thing and telling me I should take down his number. I didn't know what to really make of anything but I kept it under wraps to myself. My ex-boyfriend Jayson was there; we chatted and danced for a bit. At the end of the night, Chani and I headed home and got something to eat at this pizza shop on Boylston Street near Massachusetts Avenue. This one drunk dude had the audacity to say the "F" word near all these homos and I said, "Dude, you better watch it." Later on, that dude got into a fight with some other guy (who was straight) so I figured this asshole was really drunk. Chani and I deuced it outta there and walked home. We got home around 3:00 and passed out.
Something special Sunday night was a few text message exchanges with Canaan. I text messaged him and told him that I cared about him a lot because I really do. He text messaged me back and told me he felt the same way and that he appriciated my text message. I text messaged him back and told him that it was really important for him to know that I cared about him. He text messaged me back and told me he loved me. Mind you, I was doing all that text-messaging while I was dancing and his "L-word" text message stopped me dead in my tracks. I downed another drink before I text messaged him goodnight. His text message really touched me. I talked to him yesterday and he told me he really appriciated my text message and that he meant everything he said. In his goodbye, he told me he loved me...again. Hearing it from him really makes me smile because I really do care about him and I really do feel for him as a friend. He was there when things were going bad between Josh and I; and again when Andrew really burned me. I'm a very strong, independent, strong-willed, optimistic person with a great heart. But ya know, everyone has their weak moments and I had mine this summer after everything Andrew said and did to me. And he was there for me. So I love him for that.
Work the next day wasn't too bad; I had a Red Bull and a breakfast sandwich to carry me through the day. Work wasn't too bad. It was pretty slow. I worked on Tuesday also but had Wednesday off from the airport. I worked at the Student Center both Tuesday and Wednesday and had Thursday night off. Because it was raining so much today, I pretty much stayed indoors and caught up on much needed rest. I got to see Dylan and Daniel one more time before they headed to Ottawa for the weekend to see his Mom, who's recovering from breast cancer. She's doing reall well so I know he's happy about that. Daniel made a joke earlier, telling me that I snored. I was like, "Well, you drool," and he said, "Well, Daddy does both." It was pretty funny.
I've been told reading my journal thingys is like watching The OC. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I definately admit that my life has had its dramatic moments as everyone's has. The three-year mark of my father's passing is fast approaching. I lost two nights of sleep this week because I had really bad nightmares about him. I miss him--a lot. Losing my father at the age of 19 was hard; and things will never be the same. I'm over everything; I've moved on. I miss him, I love him, I cherish the memories that I have of him--the good ones and the bad ones. They're important to me. But overall, I'm doing really great. Work is going great, school is good. Health is good, my family is good--I can't complain. I miss Andrew but that's underscored by the fact that he treated me like shit and I left him. And life has been great since I did.
In conclusion, this past week has been good even though I had these run-ins and some gaps of sleep here and there. I plan on heading to New York in a few days--that means road trip in the Beemer, baby! My brother and my sisters and I are going to go to my Dad's memorial on the anniversary of his death and pay our respects. I love my brother and my sisters because they're super supportive and just so awesome. They accept me and love me for who I am and my lifestyle hasn't changed a thing between us; except bring us clother together. I love them and I'm incredibly blessed to have them in my life. :)
Jealousy brings you to only one place: unhappiness
Goodnight.
P.S. I'm aware there may be a number of typos in here so give me some credit. Bret, if you email, IM or call me about my LJ, I'm gonna throw a house on you. :)