Flashback, Face Forward
Yesterday, I was at the gym with Kamila and went running and ran a good two miles before I stopped and headed over to the free weights. As I was running, I thought about how I had missed running at Marino and how I had missed out on doing so much because I wasn't where I wanted to be. And it was funny because as I started to leave Marino, the electricity went out and the locker room was pitch black and I yelled, "I dunno if this is a good thing or a bad thing!" LOL. But anyways, as I was running with Kamila and doing my crunches, I thought about all the things that have happened this past week (and the past few weeks also) and felt really fuckin' happy that things were returning back to normal for me compared to how things have been these past two months. I mean, I went through my shit with Andrew and it's over. It wasn't good, it wasn't nice, it didn't feel good. But all of that is over. I'm moving on, not really bitter or angry--just resolved. This past week, I've had like four guys ask me out and in my head, I'm like, "Wow...things are returning back to normal." I had held back from everything because I wanted to be with Andrew and it didn't work. But now, I'm ready to just go back to living my life. Things didn't work between Andrew and I. His fuckin' loss.
And prior to me moving out, there came times where I became upset and down about me leaving him and how things were between us. I actually slept in Revere my last week there. There were times where he tried to talk to me and reach out to me but I didn't have much of a response; I didn't have anything to say. Last Friday, he called me and asked me if I was staying there that night. When I told him no, he asked me to wake him up early in the morning if I was back before 9:30 Saturday morning. After I told him I wasn't sure when I was going to be back, he told me that if I didn't get back before 9:30 and he wasn't around, that I should "give [him] a call, don't be a stranger." I didn't really care, I was just ready to leave...and leave him completely. On Saturday, I waited for Chris, a guy I recently met who offered to help me move my things out of Revere. As I was in the living room, I became a little upset at the fact that I was laying on the couch in the blanket Andrew left on the couch. It was hard...but I got my things out. Chris and I and move some things out of Robert's apartment after we left Revere. After that, I took him to lunch and then he brought me to work. On Sunday, Mike helped me move my futon and I accidently left some things there, forcing me to go back to Revere on Monday. As I thought Andrew wouldn't be there, he was and it was really awkward and just weird. But I said my goodbye. And left. I admit, it's not a great feeling leaving someone you love 'cause I do love Andrew. No one can understand why or how...but I do. I think about him constantly. I'm perfectly capable and dating, moving on, not allowing him to be the focal point of my life. But breaking and leaving someone isn't easy. None of this has been easy. I miss him, I miss his face, I miss his smile but I sure as fuck don't miss the way he treated me and how he made me feel a good majority of the time. I hate the fact that two months ago, things were so different between him and I and I hate how we fell apart. I hate how things got between us. But ya know what? He's the one that fucked up...he's the one that lost. My life goes on.
Meanwhile, the new apartment is fantastic. Living with Audrey and Kamila has already proved to be one of the best decisions I could have made. There have been a few nights where we've just sat in our apartment, out in the den with the windows wide open and just chatted and chilled. We've started off real good so we just need a little more time in getting the place together. We're going to have a dinner party soon enough once we get everything together. I still have things I need to get from Robert's (which I desperately want to get out of there asap) but just haven't had the chance or the means to. Last night, we sat and chilled, had dinner, drank wine and talked about boys, sex, birth control, friends, relationships, school and family stuff. I was supposed to go to Embassy with Robert and Victor; but Victor bailed and went to Club Cafe. I text messaged Robert not really sure if I wanted to go, he went without me and that was the end of that, so I didn't go and I left it at that. I'm tentatively going to Avalon on Sunday; supposed to be hanging out with this dude, Alex. :)
Work is okay. I'm working three jobs...kinda. I'm in the process of leaving Starbucks, I have a part-time job at afterHours and I'm still at Continental. Yes, I'm working like a Hatian. But I'm about to turn in my two weeks to Starbucks once I get school started and get money rolling. I'm taking some vacation time at Continental as I need to use it all up before the end of September. A lot of the work load that I had going on there has lightened up now that some people have been shifted around and some other things are happening. But it's all good. I just need to make sure my finances are in order before I leave Starbucks. I'm still waiting for my financial aid package to be taken care of so until then, I can't leave one venue hoping another one will just open right up 'cause knowing life, it'll end up coming back to bite me in the ass.
Tonight, I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm tempted to stay in tonight and chill; as I haven't really had any me time at all. I could go out, which would be okay...but I don't really care. I have my room just about together so I think Im gonna bring my TV and stuff home from Robert's later tonight after I leave my office, hook it up in my room and chill. I doubt I'll be hanging out with any of my homos or hags tonight; so I'm content with that. Considering everything that's gone on lately, I need some me time but I want to balance it out with friends time, too. My mother is being extremely supportive and helpful and I love her for that. She's an awesome woman--I can't imagine life without her. Dylan and Trisha are amazing. And the rest of the people that I have in my life are just as special.
Heading to work. Feeling good...feeling better. I'm almost where I use to be. I'll be there soon. :)
Love much,
Lando
And prior to me moving out, there came times where I became upset and down about me leaving him and how things were between us. I actually slept in Revere my last week there. There were times where he tried to talk to me and reach out to me but I didn't have much of a response; I didn't have anything to say. Last Friday, he called me and asked me if I was staying there that night. When I told him no, he asked me to wake him up early in the morning if I was back before 9:30 Saturday morning. After I told him I wasn't sure when I was going to be back, he told me that if I didn't get back before 9:30 and he wasn't around, that I should "give [him] a call, don't be a stranger." I didn't really care, I was just ready to leave...and leave him completely. On Saturday, I waited for Chris, a guy I recently met who offered to help me move my things out of Revere. As I was in the living room, I became a little upset at the fact that I was laying on the couch in the blanket Andrew left on the couch. It was hard...but I got my things out. Chris and I and move some things out of Robert's apartment after we left Revere. After that, I took him to lunch and then he brought me to work. On Sunday, Mike helped me move my futon and I accidently left some things there, forcing me to go back to Revere on Monday. As I thought Andrew wouldn't be there, he was and it was really awkward and just weird. But I said my goodbye. And left. I admit, it's not a great feeling leaving someone you love 'cause I do love Andrew. No one can understand why or how...but I do. I think about him constantly. I'm perfectly capable and dating, moving on, not allowing him to be the focal point of my life. But breaking and leaving someone isn't easy. None of this has been easy. I miss him, I miss his face, I miss his smile but I sure as fuck don't miss the way he treated me and how he made me feel a good majority of the time. I hate the fact that two months ago, things were so different between him and I and I hate how we fell apart. I hate how things got between us. But ya know what? He's the one that fucked up...he's the one that lost. My life goes on.
Meanwhile, the new apartment is fantastic. Living with Audrey and Kamila has already proved to be one of the best decisions I could have made. There have been a few nights where we've just sat in our apartment, out in the den with the windows wide open and just chatted and chilled. We've started off real good so we just need a little more time in getting the place together. We're going to have a dinner party soon enough once we get everything together. I still have things I need to get from Robert's (which I desperately want to get out of there asap) but just haven't had the chance or the means to. Last night, we sat and chilled, had dinner, drank wine and talked about boys, sex, birth control, friends, relationships, school and family stuff. I was supposed to go to Embassy with Robert and Victor; but Victor bailed and went to Club Cafe. I text messaged Robert not really sure if I wanted to go, he went without me and that was the end of that, so I didn't go and I left it at that. I'm tentatively going to Avalon on Sunday; supposed to be hanging out with this dude, Alex. :)
Work is okay. I'm working three jobs...kinda. I'm in the process of leaving Starbucks, I have a part-time job at afterHours and I'm still at Continental. Yes, I'm working like a Hatian. But I'm about to turn in my two weeks to Starbucks once I get school started and get money rolling. I'm taking some vacation time at Continental as I need to use it all up before the end of September. A lot of the work load that I had going on there has lightened up now that some people have been shifted around and some other things are happening. But it's all good. I just need to make sure my finances are in order before I leave Starbucks. I'm still waiting for my financial aid package to be taken care of so until then, I can't leave one venue hoping another one will just open right up 'cause knowing life, it'll end up coming back to bite me in the ass.
Tonight, I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm tempted to stay in tonight and chill; as I haven't really had any me time at all. I could go out, which would be okay...but I don't really care. I have my room just about together so I think Im gonna bring my TV and stuff home from Robert's later tonight after I leave my office, hook it up in my room and chill. I doubt I'll be hanging out with any of my homos or hags tonight; so I'm content with that. Considering everything that's gone on lately, I need some me time but I want to balance it out with friends time, too. My mother is being extremely supportive and helpful and I love her for that. She's an awesome woman--I can't imagine life without her. Dylan and Trisha are amazing. And the rest of the people that I have in my life are just as special.
Heading to work. Feeling good...feeling better. I'm almost where I use to be. I'll be there soon. :)
Love much,
Lando