I am Kamenashi.
It has never been clearer.
This angst, this heartbreak. It's the stuff of a hopeless romantic's nightmares. And when you properly think it through, this is actually AkaKame. This kind of beautiful hurt actually exists.
To walk you through a basic theory of just what went down between Kamenashi and Akanishi, I do believe they were genuinely friends irreplaceable to each other. And then the feelings came and, well, feelings fuck everything up.
Unlike the case of these two idols, though, this Jin plucks up the courage and sits them down to talk.
"Do you want to talk about it already?"
"About what?"
"About us."
And it's offhand and light and rather funny, even, because they're friends. And Jin goes on to say that he's been thinking these feelings through --- not in the least shy tone --- and proclaims he's happy where he is in his life and, while the feelings are there, so real and definitely felt, it all comes down to the fact that he simply doesn't need them.
Jin is his own man. He's always been. Not even Kame --- his closest friend and confidant --- could change that.
Kame, true to the image he built for himself, smiles and laughs and agrees because that's all there is to do. He tells him he didn't see the point of talking it over because for the younger, there was nothing to talk about.
"These feelings, they're my business. If I do like you, that's my problem. I didn't see the need to do this because I know, from experience, I can keep this all to myself until it goes away."
This Kame goes on to claim and laugh over how much of a fake bitch he actually is.
It's a mutual agreement to remain friends and not complicate things. Very mature. How grownup.
And the morning after, Kame is so, so grateful to be woken at 4 AM with 12 calls from a drunk Koki saying he just wanted to hear Kame's voice. Because without that perfect distraction, Kame just knows that that morning would have commenced with him feeling like shit, like someone had died, like he'd been hit by a truck. All at the same time.
Because, he hadn't admitted it to anyone, didn't even have the chance to, but he had already fallen in love with Jin. And now, no one needed to know.
Now, writing this at 3 in the afternoon in a deserted hospital hallway, I can only congratulate myself because now, I can safely say, I've truly picked up on my idol's ways.
I've become Kamenashi.
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Hello, it's been what, 11 months? I'm back. :)