(no subject)
Title: Disbelief and Desire (5/6)
Pairing: Akame
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Smut, Romance
Summary: Kame still has not dealt with the fact that Jin left KAT-TUN. Now that the soloist is back in Japan, Kame has to confront his own thoughts, as well as the feelings he had kept hidden for years.
oOoOo
Kame’s eyes stung, both from staring in the dark for so long, and from holding back tears. He let out a sigh and gave Akanishi a light push, so that the previously crying figure finally let go. Kame led him to a padded bench and had him sit down. Jin’s head was still bowed, and Kame could see tears on his cheeks glistening in the dim light. Akanishi, though, was as composed as a man could be.
Kame told himself that there was no need to be mean, especially since Jin was in such state, but there was also no need to offer encouragement to someone who has wronged him so many times in different ways. He stood in front of Jin, uncertain of what he should say. The rational part of him was convinced that he really shouldn’t pay attention to whatever Akanishi said anymore. He did not want to get hurt again.
At that moment, Jin slowly raised his gaze and looked up at Kame, his eyes deep and hollow. Like a lost soul begging to be saved. Kame resolutely looked away, determined not to give the man a chance to trick him into sex or some other worldly intention. He did not even know why Akanishi was being this way tonight.
As Kame fixed his eyes on the door that stood ajar, he felt Jin’s clammy hand hold his, so that he brought his gaze back to the disheveled man, but Jin bowed his head again.
“I’m sorry,” he said, speaking too softly that Kame almost did not hear.
“For what, Jin?” Kame asked. He knew he sounded testy, but taking care not to offend Akanishi was determinedly the least of his concerns, even when his heart was screaming to do everything contrary.
“For everything,” Jin replied in the same bare whisper, head still bowed.
[How can you be uncool to the very end?]
“Well, should I say you’re forgiven for everything now?” came Kame’s proud reply. If Akanishi was indeed bringing to light his sincere and true feelings, then he would have to endure bluntly hearing Kame’s issues just as well.
“For leaving you,” Jin continued, as if he had not heard the younger man.
Kame took a deep breath, and finally decided to ask the question that troubled him for the longest time. The one that kept him awake on some nights. The same one that on some days practically disheartened him about carrying on with his profession. One would think that he would know the answer, being an involved party, but it was never properly clarified to him, or to anyone in KAT-TUN for that matter.
“Why did you leave anyway? We never even got a real explanation.”
“You heard pretty much of it. I wanted to move forward with my career. But you played such a big part in my life, just as you’re the focal point of KAT-TUN.”
Kame could hear the bitterness in Akanishi’s voice. So he felt like he was living in Kame’s shadow after all.
“And to tell you the truth, that scared me. I guess I felt like I wanted to leave. I wanted to find myself without KAT-TUN. Without you. But at the same time, I didn’t want to be without you - Sorry if I’m not making any sense.”
Jin paused and swallowed, as if bracing himself.
“I was never really decided,” he continued, his voice growing steadier as he spoke. “I never really wanted to go solo.14 I just took what was there. I wanted to try new things, and going solo had to be the consequence of that.”
You took what was there? Kame wanted to ask. He wanted to say that he had always been there but realized that, to be fair, he had never made any real attempt to tell Jin how he felt.
“You tell those reasons to all of them,” he said instead. “For once, be a man and face Koki and Taguchi and Nakamaru and Ueda, and you apologize and tell it to them straight.”
“I’d do that if you wanted me to,” Jin replied, looking up at Kame hesitantly. “But I’m talking about you. I’m sorry for leaving you.”
His eyes widened each time he emphasized the you’s, like a child hinting at something that was supposed to be already obvious. Kame, on the other hand, simply laughed. While he was touched about it, he was also insulted. He felt like he was being treated delicately.
“No problem, Jin. It’s no big deal,” he said, folding his arms across his chest. “Besides, what happened last night - that was just you and me having fun, right? Sorry I had to cut it short. I was shocked, but I get it now - ”
“Damn it, Kazuya. Stop rationalizing already,” Jin snapped at him, his face contorted with impatience.
Kame’s voice faltered. He realized that he was being emotional again, but Jin’s voice was also unsteady as he spoke.
“When I said wasn’t it what you’ve been waiting for, I was asking you,” the older man tried his best to explain from his seat, looking more like a begging puppy. “Didn’t you want to do it with me? Don’t you want me to be with you?”
Well, that’s another way of interpreting what he said, Kame noted. But anything that comes out of your mouth sounds like an insult, Bakanishi.
“We were in a freaking parking lot, Jin,” Kame said, taking a step closer. “How do you expect me to react?”
For the second time that night, Jin acted as if he had not heard Kame. He stood up and faced Kame squarely, their noses sheer inches away.
“And that comment about me getting American girls - ”
Kame gaped, finding it rather strange and hard to believe that Jin was making it point by point.
“I don’t.”
Kame just had to stare at the taller man some more.
“I just don’t. God, Kazuya, you looked even more feminine in 158215 than those girls I hung out with.”
Kame wanted to laugh out loud, but satisfied himself with a quiet huff.
“Kazuya,” Jin’s tone turned serious again. “You’re the only one I want. It’s been that way for years but I didn’t dare say it. I never told anyone. I didn’t know how they would react. I didn’t know who would understand. I couldn’t tell you because you’re you. You’re the leader. You’re workaholic, career-driven. You’ve never dated anyone. I don’t even know your preferences.”
Kame thought listening to Jin felt like hearing himself talking in the older man’s voice. It now felt sort of stupid that they had been feeling the same way about each other since god knows when but kept it to themselves for all the same reasons. Kame distractedly watched Jin. He was still ranting.
“Jin, shut up.”
Jin abruptly stopped speaking and stared. Was he still being rejected despite baring his soul to Kame?
“I know the rest of it, alright?”
It’s the same as how I feel about you.
Kame spent years keeping the one most precious feeling he had to himself, and he was not about to waste another moment. Not now that he knew that his feelings were very much welcome.
Kame came closer and comfortably kissed Jin. All his worries practically melted away as their lips touched, both men closing their eyes as Kame placed a hand on Jin’s shoulder. The uncertainties were still there, such as what this confession from the both of them would come to later on, but, for now, Kame felt safe. Here in the dark with the only person he ever wished to be with.
Jin kissed back, slowly and tenderly. He made no other movement, afraid that he would do something that would upset Kame again. Kame smiled, sensing Jin’s apprehension. As he gently sucked on Jin’s lower lip, he brought his hands to the hem of the older man’s plain white shirt and slowly raised it. They broke the chaste kiss for Kame to pull the shirt over Jin’s head. With one swift movement, Kame took his own shirt off and took Jin’s lips onto his again, pressing their bodies together. Jin’s skin felt blissfully warm against the cool of the dance studio.
Jin groaned as he felt Kame’s hardened nipples brush against his chest, and it began to frustrate Kame that Jin still refrained from initiating a move. Kame took Jin’s hands and sensually ran them over his chest and stomach as the kiss deepened. Their tongues met and glided, and Kame occasionally sucked at Jin’s tongue in a manner that drove the soloist crazy with desire, causing Jin to vaguely imagine, through the gratifying mesh of lust and longing leisurely infiltrating his consciousness, that Kame was sucking his manhood instead.
The ethereal vision of Kame kneeling before him in carnal subservience almost sent Jin over the edge, so that he opened his eyes and tried to focus on taking shameless, lustful revenge on Kame’s tease of a mouth and body instead. He took Kame’s devilish ministrations as permission to wrap his arms around Kame’s waist, his hands on the smaller man’s back, pressing their naked torsos and groins together and feeling the body he had wanted for so long but never had the courage to claim as his.
Kame sighed into Jin’s sweet, warm mouth and ground his hips even more, rhythmically rubbing their erections together through their clothes. The pleasurable friction made Jin close his eyes again and throw his head back as he made another husky groan, and Kame took the chance to mischievously run his tongue over the milky skin of Jin’s neck and collarbone. The taller man tried his best not to freak out16 or laugh, dimly conscious that Kame was doing it to tease him.
Kame was dissatisfied and aware of Jin’s stifled response. With another quick move, Kame slipped one hand into Jin’s denim pants and began petting his long and hard cock in an agonizingly affectionate manner. This time, Jin let out a very much audible moan which Kame took as Jin’s concupiscent, disoriented way of telling him that he was doing it properly. Kame was delighted to hear it, and even more pleased that he alone was the only one who did. Kame congratulated himself, all the while showering his partner’s chest and shoulders with openmouthed kisses and maintaining his hand’s pace.
Recovering from the pleasant shock of Kame touching him, Jin decided that payback was called for. He pulled down Kame’s lower garment with ease, thanks to the elastic bands on the sportswear, and with them went Kame’s boxers in the same effortlessness and speed, revealing Kame’s erect penis. Just for the heck of startling Kame all the way, Jin dropped to his knees and took the considerably long shaft whole in his mouth.
Kame’s back arched and his knees buckled from the unexpected tremendous pleasure of having Jin’s hot, wet mouth around his previously ignored cock, but Jin’s arms supported the younger man’s weight until Kame got used to the sensation. Jin exhaled roughly, sending shivers up Kame’s whole body, and began bobbing his head in a rough and haphazard fashion, determined to make Kame lose his mind.
Kame placed his hands against the wall behind Jin, unable keep himself steady any longer without support, and proceeded to pound his hips repeatedly without hesitation or concern, literally just fucking Jin’s mouth. Kame heard the older man fight back gag reflexes several times, but Kame couldn’t keep his thoughts focused enough anymore to care. His entire body perspired profusely and his thoughts were already blank, only able to comprehend the primal gratification he was enjoying right then and there as the head of his shaft hit the back of Jin’s slick throat over and over again.
It was Jin’s first time to give head, and he told himself, as Kame growled in satisfaction, that he will not be doing it for anyone else. Only this man, Jin thought as he dutifully fondled Kame’s balls, was worth being submissive to. Jin’s eyes looked up at the figure crouched over him and amorously marveled at the raw beauty that bordered on divine. True, he had seen Kame naked a couple of times before, but this was a downright different perspective and circumstance.
Head bowed and panting, Kame opened his eyes to glance at the being responsible for this novel indulgence. The sight that met him, Akanishi Jin staring up at him with a look of mad desire, was all it took. Kame brought a hand down to fiercely clench on a fistful of Jin’s hair and with a last violent thrust, he pulled Jin’s head onto his pulsating member and came into the soloist’s abused mouth.
Jin was teary-eyed from gagging a bit, but seeing Kame tremble from sheer pleasure and hearing him helplessly call Jin’s name as he rode his orgasm was very much worth performing the ultimately submissive act of swallowing all of the smaller man’s cum. After he finished, Kame gently eased himself out of Jin’s mouth and proceeded to collapse on the padded bench previously occupied by his lover.
Jin sat down beside him and leaned in, soothingly pressing his lips against the spent KAT-TUN leader’s. Pulling back, Jin gazed in awe. Kamenashi Kazuya looked wasted with an aimless smile and his hair in his face, but he was still lovely.
“That wasn’t for free.”
Kame gave a small jerk at the tickling hot breath on his ear that was Jin’s whisper.
“I know,” Kame replied, boldly looking Jin in the eye.
Without another word, he reached over and, as Jin cooperatively raised his hips, slid the jeans and boxers off. Kame once again took the hard, weeping member in both hands and stroked it adoringly, still gazing into Jin’s dark orbs.
“Fuck me.”
oOoOo
Part 6 (Final)
Previous Part (Part 4)
Back to Fic list
Pairing: Akame
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Smut, Romance
Summary: Kame still has not dealt with the fact that Jin left KAT-TUN. Now that the soloist is back in Japan, Kame has to confront his own thoughts, as well as the feelings he had kept hidden for years.
oOoOo
Kame’s eyes stung, both from staring in the dark for so long, and from holding back tears. He let out a sigh and gave Akanishi a light push, so that the previously crying figure finally let go. Kame led him to a padded bench and had him sit down. Jin’s head was still bowed, and Kame could see tears on his cheeks glistening in the dim light. Akanishi, though, was as composed as a man could be.
Kame told himself that there was no need to be mean, especially since Jin was in such state, but there was also no need to offer encouragement to someone who has wronged him so many times in different ways. He stood in front of Jin, uncertain of what he should say. The rational part of him was convinced that he really shouldn’t pay attention to whatever Akanishi said anymore. He did not want to get hurt again.
At that moment, Jin slowly raised his gaze and looked up at Kame, his eyes deep and hollow. Like a lost soul begging to be saved. Kame resolutely looked away, determined not to give the man a chance to trick him into sex or some other worldly intention. He did not even know why Akanishi was being this way tonight.
As Kame fixed his eyes on the door that stood ajar, he felt Jin’s clammy hand hold his, so that he brought his gaze back to the disheveled man, but Jin bowed his head again.
“I’m sorry,” he said, speaking too softly that Kame almost did not hear.
“For what, Jin?” Kame asked. He knew he sounded testy, but taking care not to offend Akanishi was determinedly the least of his concerns, even when his heart was screaming to do everything contrary.
“For everything,” Jin replied in the same bare whisper, head still bowed.
[How can you be uncool to the very end?]
“Well, should I say you’re forgiven for everything now?” came Kame’s proud reply. If Akanishi was indeed bringing to light his sincere and true feelings, then he would have to endure bluntly hearing Kame’s issues just as well.
“For leaving you,” Jin continued, as if he had not heard the younger man.
Kame took a deep breath, and finally decided to ask the question that troubled him for the longest time. The one that kept him awake on some nights. The same one that on some days practically disheartened him about carrying on with his profession. One would think that he would know the answer, being an involved party, but it was never properly clarified to him, or to anyone in KAT-TUN for that matter.
“Why did you leave anyway? We never even got a real explanation.”
“You heard pretty much of it. I wanted to move forward with my career. But you played such a big part in my life, just as you’re the focal point of KAT-TUN.”
Kame could hear the bitterness in Akanishi’s voice. So he felt like he was living in Kame’s shadow after all.
“And to tell you the truth, that scared me. I guess I felt like I wanted to leave. I wanted to find myself without KAT-TUN. Without you. But at the same time, I didn’t want to be without you - Sorry if I’m not making any sense.”
Jin paused and swallowed, as if bracing himself.
“I was never really decided,” he continued, his voice growing steadier as he spoke. “I never really wanted to go solo.14 I just took what was there. I wanted to try new things, and going solo had to be the consequence of that.”
You took what was there? Kame wanted to ask. He wanted to say that he had always been there but realized that, to be fair, he had never made any real attempt to tell Jin how he felt.
“You tell those reasons to all of them,” he said instead. “For once, be a man and face Koki and Taguchi and Nakamaru and Ueda, and you apologize and tell it to them straight.”
“I’d do that if you wanted me to,” Jin replied, looking up at Kame hesitantly. “But I’m talking about you. I’m sorry for leaving you.”
His eyes widened each time he emphasized the you’s, like a child hinting at something that was supposed to be already obvious. Kame, on the other hand, simply laughed. While he was touched about it, he was also insulted. He felt like he was being treated delicately.
“No problem, Jin. It’s no big deal,” he said, folding his arms across his chest. “Besides, what happened last night - that was just you and me having fun, right? Sorry I had to cut it short. I was shocked, but I get it now - ”
“Damn it, Kazuya. Stop rationalizing already,” Jin snapped at him, his face contorted with impatience.
Kame’s voice faltered. He realized that he was being emotional again, but Jin’s voice was also unsteady as he spoke.
“When I said wasn’t it what you’ve been waiting for, I was asking you,” the older man tried his best to explain from his seat, looking more like a begging puppy. “Didn’t you want to do it with me? Don’t you want me to be with you?”
Well, that’s another way of interpreting what he said, Kame noted. But anything that comes out of your mouth sounds like an insult, Bakanishi.
“We were in a freaking parking lot, Jin,” Kame said, taking a step closer. “How do you expect me to react?”
For the second time that night, Jin acted as if he had not heard Kame. He stood up and faced Kame squarely, their noses sheer inches away.
“And that comment about me getting American girls - ”
Kame gaped, finding it rather strange and hard to believe that Jin was making it point by point.
“I don’t.”
Kame just had to stare at the taller man some more.
“I just don’t. God, Kazuya, you looked even more feminine in 158215 than those girls I hung out with.”
Kame wanted to laugh out loud, but satisfied himself with a quiet huff.
“Kazuya,” Jin’s tone turned serious again. “You’re the only one I want. It’s been that way for years but I didn’t dare say it. I never told anyone. I didn’t know how they would react. I didn’t know who would understand. I couldn’t tell you because you’re you. You’re the leader. You’re workaholic, career-driven. You’ve never dated anyone. I don’t even know your preferences.”
Kame thought listening to Jin felt like hearing himself talking in the older man’s voice. It now felt sort of stupid that they had been feeling the same way about each other since god knows when but kept it to themselves for all the same reasons. Kame distractedly watched Jin. He was still ranting.
“Jin, shut up.”
Jin abruptly stopped speaking and stared. Was he still being rejected despite baring his soul to Kame?
“I know the rest of it, alright?”
It’s the same as how I feel about you.
Kame spent years keeping the one most precious feeling he had to himself, and he was not about to waste another moment. Not now that he knew that his feelings were very much welcome.
Kame came closer and comfortably kissed Jin. All his worries practically melted away as their lips touched, both men closing their eyes as Kame placed a hand on Jin’s shoulder. The uncertainties were still there, such as what this confession from the both of them would come to later on, but, for now, Kame felt safe. Here in the dark with the only person he ever wished to be with.
Jin kissed back, slowly and tenderly. He made no other movement, afraid that he would do something that would upset Kame again. Kame smiled, sensing Jin’s apprehension. As he gently sucked on Jin’s lower lip, he brought his hands to the hem of the older man’s plain white shirt and slowly raised it. They broke the chaste kiss for Kame to pull the shirt over Jin’s head. With one swift movement, Kame took his own shirt off and took Jin’s lips onto his again, pressing their bodies together. Jin’s skin felt blissfully warm against the cool of the dance studio.
Jin groaned as he felt Kame’s hardened nipples brush against his chest, and it began to frustrate Kame that Jin still refrained from initiating a move. Kame took Jin’s hands and sensually ran them over his chest and stomach as the kiss deepened. Their tongues met and glided, and Kame occasionally sucked at Jin’s tongue in a manner that drove the soloist crazy with desire, causing Jin to vaguely imagine, through the gratifying mesh of lust and longing leisurely infiltrating his consciousness, that Kame was sucking his manhood instead.
The ethereal vision of Kame kneeling before him in carnal subservience almost sent Jin over the edge, so that he opened his eyes and tried to focus on taking shameless, lustful revenge on Kame’s tease of a mouth and body instead. He took Kame’s devilish ministrations as permission to wrap his arms around Kame’s waist, his hands on the smaller man’s back, pressing their naked torsos and groins together and feeling the body he had wanted for so long but never had the courage to claim as his.
Kame sighed into Jin’s sweet, warm mouth and ground his hips even more, rhythmically rubbing their erections together through their clothes. The pleasurable friction made Jin close his eyes again and throw his head back as he made another husky groan, and Kame took the chance to mischievously run his tongue over the milky skin of Jin’s neck and collarbone. The taller man tried his best not to freak out16 or laugh, dimly conscious that Kame was doing it to tease him.
Kame was dissatisfied and aware of Jin’s stifled response. With another quick move, Kame slipped one hand into Jin’s denim pants and began petting his long and hard cock in an agonizingly affectionate manner. This time, Jin let out a very much audible moan which Kame took as Jin’s concupiscent, disoriented way of telling him that he was doing it properly. Kame was delighted to hear it, and even more pleased that he alone was the only one who did. Kame congratulated himself, all the while showering his partner’s chest and shoulders with openmouthed kisses and maintaining his hand’s pace.
Recovering from the pleasant shock of Kame touching him, Jin decided that payback was called for. He pulled down Kame’s lower garment with ease, thanks to the elastic bands on the sportswear, and with them went Kame’s boxers in the same effortlessness and speed, revealing Kame’s erect penis. Just for the heck of startling Kame all the way, Jin dropped to his knees and took the considerably long shaft whole in his mouth.
Kame’s back arched and his knees buckled from the unexpected tremendous pleasure of having Jin’s hot, wet mouth around his previously ignored cock, but Jin’s arms supported the younger man’s weight until Kame got used to the sensation. Jin exhaled roughly, sending shivers up Kame’s whole body, and began bobbing his head in a rough and haphazard fashion, determined to make Kame lose his mind.
Kame placed his hands against the wall behind Jin, unable keep himself steady any longer without support, and proceeded to pound his hips repeatedly without hesitation or concern, literally just fucking Jin’s mouth. Kame heard the older man fight back gag reflexes several times, but Kame couldn’t keep his thoughts focused enough anymore to care. His entire body perspired profusely and his thoughts were already blank, only able to comprehend the primal gratification he was enjoying right then and there as the head of his shaft hit the back of Jin’s slick throat over and over again.
It was Jin’s first time to give head, and he told himself, as Kame growled in satisfaction, that he will not be doing it for anyone else. Only this man, Jin thought as he dutifully fondled Kame’s balls, was worth being submissive to. Jin’s eyes looked up at the figure crouched over him and amorously marveled at the raw beauty that bordered on divine. True, he had seen Kame naked a couple of times before, but this was a downright different perspective and circumstance.
Head bowed and panting, Kame opened his eyes to glance at the being responsible for this novel indulgence. The sight that met him, Akanishi Jin staring up at him with a look of mad desire, was all it took. Kame brought a hand down to fiercely clench on a fistful of Jin’s hair and with a last violent thrust, he pulled Jin’s head onto his pulsating member and came into the soloist’s abused mouth.
Jin was teary-eyed from gagging a bit, but seeing Kame tremble from sheer pleasure and hearing him helplessly call Jin’s name as he rode his orgasm was very much worth performing the ultimately submissive act of swallowing all of the smaller man’s cum. After he finished, Kame gently eased himself out of Jin’s mouth and proceeded to collapse on the padded bench previously occupied by his lover.
Jin sat down beside him and leaned in, soothingly pressing his lips against the spent KAT-TUN leader’s. Pulling back, Jin gazed in awe. Kamenashi Kazuya looked wasted with an aimless smile and his hair in his face, but he was still lovely.
“That wasn’t for free.”
Kame gave a small jerk at the tickling hot breath on his ear that was Jin’s whisper.
“I know,” Kame replied, boldly looking Jin in the eye.
Without another word, he reached over and, as Jin cooperatively raised his hips, slid the jeans and boxers off. Kame once again took the hard, weeping member in both hands and stroked it adoringly, still gazing into Jin’s dark orbs.
“Fuck me.”
oOoOo
Part 6 (Final)
Previous Part (Part 4)
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