Who Are We? - Chapter 8
Title: Who Are We?
Pairing: Akame
Genre: AU, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Beta: infynitehexes
Disclaimer: Own nothing but the plot, sadly.
Warnings: I don’t know how to warn you without spoiling the story so just read at your own risk. LOL
Summary: He wakes up naked to find himself in bed with a beautiful young man and without any of his memories. What’s his name again?
A/N: A good dose of medical talk in this one, forgive me for my lack of expertise on the matter. Take with a grain of salt.
Chapter 8
‘Went out to have beer with Koki and the boys. I have my key with me, no need to wait for me. And please don’t leave the door open. See you tomorrow! - Kame’
It’s 3:38 AM and Jin comes home to a dark and silent house, only a note posted on the fridge welcoming him. Jin takes the little piece of paper, staring at it for a while - barely able to make out Kame’s untidy scribble in the dark - before crumpling it, crushing it in his fist.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
It’s like having a massive hangover. You wake up and you know something’s wrong, and you try to put your head together, and you think you do. Then, when you have this moment of clarity, you realize that you still are hung over after all and nothing you do will help. All you can do is wait it out.
Only, Jin’s been waiting for days, and now he can’t wait any longer.
Jin pads up the stairs, his steps unnaturally light and quiet. His senses are unusually heightened, his thoughts are lucid and yet bizarre in his own head. Before he enters his room, he glances at the door to Kame’s. It’s locked for sure, and Jin doesn’t feel up to foraging in the other man’s personal belongings just to find things out, because that would prove no point. Jin wants to understand all this from the people involved, and he would want to hear it straight from them now.
He doesn’t know anymore what’s true and what’s fucked up, and his patience with everyone around him is running thin. Maybe, just maybe, he had been a fool to sit and let someone else take care of him. Maybe he had been stupid to trust right away.
Or maybe, what they’re saying about Kame isn’t true.
Jin wishes that was so. But wishes can only do so much. Jin guesses it’s time he took matters into his own hands, because with or without his memories, this is his life that’s getting messed up.
‘Maybe he even drugged you to make you lose it.’
Ryo’s words still echo in Jin’s head. And as much as he doesn’t trust anyone anymore, he has to start with something. Enough with fooling around. Enough with this infatuation. Jin finally means business.
With a rough plan in mind, Jin goes into his room and sleepily climbs on to his bed. Tomorrow, his battle starts.
oOo
“Morning,” Jin’s garbled speech gives Kame a start, and he sees the smaller man’s back tense up and then relax again before he finally glances in Jin’s direction.
“Good morning,” Kame greets back, a smile on his lips as he turns the stove off. “How’s your head?”
Jin raises an eyebrow. Why is Kame asking about his head now?
“You did drink last night with Pi and Nishikido, right?”
And Jin is essentially reminded of last night, and of the things he had been told.
“Oh… yeah.”
“No missing memories? You still know who I am?” Kame asks, chuckling as he sits along the counter across Jin.
‘You’re not even gay, Jin.’
Ryo seemed pretty sure about that part. Jin isn’t, however. He did enjoy the several times he was with Kame, and he guessed that even if he was straight before losing his memories, that part of him has changed forever.
Jin grins at Kame as he shakes his head, “No, I’m fine. I didn’t drink much anyway. I’m… kinda scared it might happen again.”
Kame reaches out and ruffles Jin’s hair, to which Jin did not know how to react, so he just let the other man do it.
“What if it happens again?”
He’s just genuinely curious, and he’s not ready for the heartbroken look that Kame shoots him in return. The younger man stares at him for a while, studying him, and Jin’s trying to decode Kame’s silence, too, until the younger man speaks:
“I don’t want it to happen again,” Kame says, lowering his gaze to his rice bowl. “I’d still be here to help you like before, but if it were up to me, I just want your memories to return to you already.”
Jin stares at Kame, quite moved but still unable to get rid of the suspicion. He reminds himself that he must stay detached now, if he wants to find out the truth at the soonest possible time. He’s done trusting his feelings and emotions, since they had just managed to wreck everything and not give him the reality he had once lived in.
Kame still has not raised his gaze, and Jin has been planning to do something like this anyway, so he gets up and goes around the counter to stand next to Kame, hugging the younger man from behind. Unsurprisingly, Kame stiffens again, but Jin doesn’t let go.
“What if… my feelings for you change when I remember everything?” Jin asks in a quiet voice, his lips brushing against Kame’s ear.
“That can’t be helped, can it?” Kame says, turning to Jin, still in the taller man’s arms, and smiling even as he sighs.
I guess that’s as good as a confession…?
Jin doesn’t know if Kame understands what he sounded like. It’s like saying that inevitably, things between them would not be the same. Why should things change if Kame had been telling the truth to begin with?
Jin leans in and kisses Kame gently, with his eyes closed. For a while, they stay like that, with their lips touching but neither moving, and somehow his wish that Kame is being truthful is back, echoing somewhere in Jin’s thoughts. Jin pulls back a little, lost in his own little world.
Why? Why does he want to trust Kame? Why does he hope that Kame is worthy of that faith? Jin has asked himself over and again. He doesn’t want to own up to it, but in the course of trying to find himself again, he knows he had fallen in love with Kame. And even if the kindness that the younger man had given him was just for show, Jin can at least trust his own feelings.
Jin raises his hands to cup Kame’s face, and he feels the smaller man’s own hands cling to the sides of his shirt. He opens his eyes and sees Kame staring up at him with an anxious expression - by now he would know that Jin doesn’t completely trust him anymore - and Jin inexplicably smiles as he takes Kame’s lips in his once more.
This time, Jin is more demanding, dominating Kame’s mouth and leaving the younger man breathless and without much room to respond. Jin steals a glance and sees Kame’s innocent face - eyes shut tight and his cheeks flushed red - and he doesn’t give the smaller man a break, teasing and flicking his tongue inside Kame’s mouth and capturing his tongue and sucking on it when he does try to retaliate and venture beyond Jin’s lips.
Jin can almost feel Kame’s need to moan with how desperate their kisses are becoming and how his hands can’t stay put anymore. And Jin likes it. He likes that he can turn Kame into this incoherent mess. It makes him feel just a little bit at par with Kame’s cunning at this little game. Holding in a groan himself, Jin pulls Kame off the stool to stand flush against his body, their clothes not anymore able to conceal their heat and need.
Slowly, as they continue to devour each other, he pushes Kame against the counter and grinds into him, finally forcing out that moan the smaller man has been biting back. The man’s hands have gone past frantic and are now just gripping the sides of Jin’s shirt tightly as Jin’s lips descend to lave and suck at the skin of his neck and throat.
Jin thinks he hears Kame hiss out a ‘yes’ when he puts his hand inside the back of Kame’s pants and palms his ass, clasping tightly as his other hand slips up Kame’s shirt. Jin wants to feel every inch of Kame’s skin, perhaps because he doesn’t know if he’d ever get to do this… or if he’d ever want to anymore. He reaches down and teases Kame’s hole with a dry finger, and Kame starts to gasp in between their kisses.
“Shhh…” Jin appeases, pressing their hips and hastily rubbing their erections together through the many layers of clothing.
He closes his eyes, letting himself get lost in the sensations of all that is Kamenashi Kazuya as he had known the man - their lips battling; Kame’s skin under his fingertips; the smaller man’s heat within his arms. Jin will take care not to lose this memory.
“Unhh - Jin, I’m - I’m coming - ”
Kame’s lower back strains against the counter even as he arches, throwing his head back with his orgasm, and Jin merely gazes at him, his heart torn between admiration and defeat. He feels Kame shake and shudder against him, and when that, too, passes, he leans in and puts his sweaty forehead against Kame’s own, looking the latter in the eye.
“I love you.”
Jin whispers breathlessly. He makes sure that Kame hears it - understands it - because that might be the last time Jin would ever be able to say it.
oOo
Jin nervously taps his foot on the shiny, tiled floor, occasionally shifting in his spot on the couch. He’s in the waiting area of Kimura-sempai’s clinic. He’s not too keen on meeting with the doctor again, because Kimura is Kame’s friend. For all Jin knows, he might take a stab at covering up for Kame should things go awry. But then, Jin just wants to be sure. He can always go to another doctor after this.
He doesn’t wait for long. A few minutes after coming in, Kimura-sempai emerges from behind the frosted-glass door and invites him inside. This time, Jin doesn’t sit at the patient’s bed and instead settles on the padded bench along the wall, crossing his arms as he turns to the doctor. Kimura-sempai sits on a high stool he uses when examining patients on the bed, turning to Jin in the same business-like manner.
“I figured you’d be back soon enough.”
“What happened to my tests?” Jin asks right away. He has no intention of beating around the bush, and he knows the doctor would perfectly understand that.
“I did guarantee results in a week’s time, right?” Kimura-sempai smiles despite Jin’s impoliteness. “I’m getting the results from the lab tomorrow morning, but I already have preliminary findings… and speculations,” he says as he pulls the stool a little closer to Jin and sits down again, studying the younger man. “Maybe we should start with what you already know.”
“What? Are you in on this?”
Kimura-sempai’s smile grows wider but he shakes his head, “Not at all. All I know, I got from your chart. I do wonder what’s going on with you two.”
“That makes two of us,” Jin grumbles. “Sensei - I mean, Sempai - ”
“Hn?” the doctor responds. He still looks too amused for Jin’s liking. It makes him uncomfortable.
“Is it possible to lose my memories because of some drugs?”
Kimura-sempai’s eyes narrow behind the eyeglasses he’s wearing, and somehow that tells Jin that he’s on the right track. Did his blood tests show drug traces, maybe?
“It depends what kind of drugs - ”
“Well, what do your preliminary findings say?” Jin interrupts curtly, growing impatient.
“I have reason to believe that your memory loss was caused by the interaction of several substances that were present in your system all at the same time,” Kimura-sempai complies almost immediately, finally becoming aware of Jin’s urgency and, perhaps, the reason behind it. “Since you came here more than twenty-four hours after the onset of your memory loss, we’re taking some time identifying the exact substances - ”
Jin felt his heart sink. Ryo’s words have never really left his head, constantly nagging at him and reminding him that he can’t trust anyone anymore. Could Kame have done just as Ryo believes?
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you had a batch party the night prior to your memory loss, right?”
“Yeah but I thought you said it’s because of stress - ”
“I hypothesized on that because you mentioned that you had sexual intercourse with - ”
“That’s what Kame said - fuck!” Jin stands up and faces the wall, punching it furiously as realization dawns upon him.
It’s true, then. Kame drugged him and took advantage of him. Even with this understanding, he still feels unable to reconcile that kind, angelic face with such an evil, scheming mind. Jin doesn’t know whether to feel cheated about his body, or his feelings. It’s all still so surreal and unthinkable.
“Are you sure about that part, though?”
Kimura-sempai asks in a calm voice, and it makes Jin turn to him, confused.
“I understand what this looks like - and I’ve mentioned that I cannot appreciate what’s going on between you and Kamenashi-kun… I know him enough, however, to be confident that he would never take advantage of you in such a way as you are probably speculating on right now.”
The doctor gets up from his chair and faces Jin squarely, putting a hand on Jin’s shoulder.
“Akanishi-kun, I think we can both agree that Kamenashi-kun is a clever young man who would be sure to use the most feasible means - the methods that would involve minimal risk and that would give him the best results - if he wanted something.”
Kimura-sempai’s face is so serious that Jin is a bit scared that this is all a tactic for him to take Kame’s side again. But then, he’s a doctor. Jin should hear him out at the very least.
“Initial laboratory findings report three different substances in your system. Present in your bloodstream was MDMA - more commonly known as ecstasy - which is as abundant as it can get in college parties, no doubt. Your blood alcohol level was also very high. Lastly, the lab found traces of a form of benzodiazepine - an anti-anxiety substance. Each of these three is very potent in inducing memory loss.”
“So? What if Kame gave me all three just to be sure?” Jin challenges, shrugging off the doctor’s account.
Kimura-sempai has taken his seat again, and he’s back to studying Jin with that piercing stare. Finally, he crosses his arms over his chest and smiles grimly.
“The thing is, MDMA and benzodiazepine interaction can be very dangerous,” he continues, watching closely for Jin’s reactions. “I believe Kamenashi-kun used up his optional minor units to take quite a number of higher science courses. He would, then, know such a fact.”
Jin’s head hangs as he listens. He doesn’t understand how Kame’s being such a nerd has anything to do with this.
“Akanishi-kun, interaction between ecstasy and a benzo drug can produce lethal effects. I don’t think Kamenashi-kun would want to have sex with you so badly as to not care if you die afterwards.”
oOo
Jin is sitting at his desk, his laptop turned on in front of him, and he’s just there, staring at the pictures from the night of the party.
He doesn’t know himself, and so he can’t be sure if he’s the type to try out all sorts of drugs. He’s now considering the possibility that, well, he took those substances by himself. But even if he did, why has Kame been playing along?
Jin asked Kimura-sempai if his memory had a chance of returning and the doctor ordered him to come back to the clinic so that he can endorse Jin to a hospital to undergo intensive brain examinations. Kimura-sempai was frank and grim when he told Jin that he’s lucky to be alive despite his memory loss. If the damage was not too extensive, his memories should return in two weeks to a month at most.
Jin is staring at a photo of him and Kame from that night: Kame is smiling in a reserved manner despite looking a little tipsy whereas Jin’s tongue is put out and he’s holding his middle finger up at the camera. Another picture has him holding up a beer bottle mid-toast with Ryo, Tomo, and a tall, foreign looking guy who fit Kame’s description of Shirota. And then, there’s a picture of him huddled with a small group that included Josh and a couple of other guys.
“Finally, dude. I thought you forgot about our recording project for - ” Josh says when he picks up Jin’s call.
“Josh, I need a bit of help, I can’t deal with the project right now,” Jin interrupts, never mind that he doesn’t know what that project is about. He’s in a hurry, alright, because this is one of those ideas that he would lose the will to look into if he postponed it for any longer.
“Er, okay?” he hears Josh agree uncertainly.
“The party last week…” Jin starts awkwardly, unsure how to ask without sounding so troubled. “Did you take some MDMA… too?” Jin adds, because they’re good friends, and chances are they did a lot of stupid things together, right?
“MD - what?”
“Ecstasy - ” Jin clarifies, mentally kicking himself for easily adapting Kimura-sempai’s terminology after their drawn out discussion.
“Oh. Yeah, sure I did. I wouldn’t have let you get ahead of me!” Josh replies, laughing. Get ahead about what, Jin has no idea, but that’s beside the point. “Why are you asking - were you that hung-over?”
“And… did we take anything else?” Jin continues, deliberately ignoring Josh’s accusatory tone. He’s impatiently tapping his fingers on his desk now, and he’s in such a tense stance on his chair.
“Me? No.”
“What about me?”
“Yeah, you had me get you something to calm your nerves for your confession - ”
Jin ignores yet again Josh’s malicious remark, but he does get curious. That confession again… Is that the entire reason behind this?
“Whatever happened anyway? Last time I talked to Lizzy, she said she gave you her fucking undies but you never got it on with her! The fuck was that, man?!” Josh goes on, guffawing at Jin.
Well, there goes the story of the ‘L’ embroidered underwear. But that’s not Jin’s main concern right now.
“What’s the name of the drug?”
For the third time, Jin ignores Josh’s point of interest and asks in a very firm and serious tone.
“Ooh man, I can’t remember. Some… sedative… anti-anxiety thingy.”
Jin doesn’t reply, and he doesn’t hear what Josh is saying anymore. He’s just gazing vacantly at his laptop screen, at his own face and Kame’s.
It’s his fault, then, what happened to him. Jin will take credit for endangering his own life because he’s a naïve, stupid fellow - this entire ordeal is glaring proof of it. But why is Kame deceiving him? Jin essentially agrees with Kimura-sempai’s opinion of Kame - that he’s a sly bastard hiding behind a goody-two-shoes mask that he has on most of the time. Jin can understand what’s in it for Kame, but he doubts if Kame was even aware that Jin had taken those drugs that night.
And then, something clicks in his head - and everything suddenly makes sense. They are close friends after all. Maybe the younger man knew of his plans that night: the drugs Jin had intended to take, the girl he was planning to confess to, pretty much everything.
And perhaps, Kame did not want to lose Jin.
To be continued…
oOo
It hasn’t sunk in just yet that there are just 2 chapters left O_O But then, now’s the time to let loose of your feels! Comment, people! Comment! :D
Go to CHAPTER 9
Back to CHAPTER 7
Return to FIC LIST