(no subject)
Title: Disbelief and Desire (2/6)
Pairing: Akame
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Smut, Romance
Summary: Kame still has not dealt with the fact that Jin left KAT-TUN. Now that the soloist is back in Japan, Kame has to confront his own thoughts, as well as the feelings he had kept hidden for years.
oOoOo
The two JE talents awkwardly sat in the corner of a coffee shop frequented by celebrities. The coffee was not exactly to die for, but artists preferred hanging out in that particular shop for the security and privacy it guaranteed. It was one of those places that were “hidden in plain view.”
“So, um, how was the US?” Kame asked, straining his eyes through the sunglasses he was wearing to see Akanishi’s facial expression. The older artist was also wearing shades, though.
As soon as he got out of the Johnny’s Entertainment building, Kame put his shades on even if it was already 9 in the evening. It was especially essential that no one saw their faces as Akanishi’s sleek new sports car (Probably a congratulatory gift for the US tour, Kame thought) tailed Kame’s own SUV.
“It was… okay,” replied Akanishi slowly, after taking a sip from his cup.
Some smoke was still coming up from the cup to indicate that the coffee was still hot, in stark contrast with the atmosphere that pervaded the forced conversation. Kame now seriously regretted asking Akanishi to have coffee with him, and wondered why the guy agreed to at all. The older man, as much as Kame could see, was pokerfaced. His look was blank. Pretty much like how it was during the last few months that he was still part of KAT-TUN.
“I heard you get a lot of American women now,” Kame commented, remembering and unable to restrain his curiosity about the fresh rumors.
Akanishi’s expression seemed to change. His face seemed to tighten, like he was tense or something.
“Not much,” Akanishi replied with an unnatural smile. “I bet you get all the girls now that you’re the leader of the group.”
Just as Kame’s features involuntarily showed annoyance, Akanishi’s lips curled into a devilish smirk Kame was not used to seeing. That sort of smile was reserved for dramas and music videos, not in real life.
“I’m sorry. Did I touch a nerve?”
Kame wanted to just hit him in the face right then and there, but thought better about it. He didn’t even know why he was suddenly angry. The way Akanishi said his remark about Kame getting all the girls was just irritating to the point of being unreal.
“I’ve always been the leader, Akanishi,” he finally replied.
He was struggling to keep his voice steady and resisting the urge to yell at the man in front of him.
“That’s why it’s KAT-TUN. That’s why it’s spelled K-A-T-T-U-N,” Kame said, emphasizing each letter as he spelled it out. “It was never AKT-TUN or anything else, right?”
Now, Akanishi was the one who looked like he wanted to punch Kame. He glared at the younger artist and got up from his couch. Kame followed him out the door onto the empty café parking lot. While it was basically open space, it was walled, being a celebrity hangout spot. Thus, there was still some privacy.
[All you do is act a fool
You ain't shit without your crew]
“Running away again, are we, Akanishi?” Kame yelled as he caught up to Akanishi by the soloist’s car.
Again, he did not know why, but it felt like the only thing to do. They were already on a negative vibe, anyway. A little bit of yelling and perhaps a fight would not hurt anymore.
“Running away?” Akanishi replied, turning around and walking towards Kame, his voice getting louder as well. “I’m not running away. What would I be running away from?”
“Well, I don’t know,” mocked Kame, placing his hands on his waist as and tapping his leather-shoed foot on the asphalt floor as if waiting on a thought. “Perhaps, from the scandals? And the people you hurt?”
Or maybe it would hurt. But Kame couldn’t really care now. Akanishi was here, and he was going to hear what everyone has been speculating about for the last few months.
“Not long after KAT-TUN legitimately launched, Akanishi began to assert himself as a soloist,” Kame quoted a recent article.5 “If you were so keen on going solo from the start, you shouldn’t have agreed to be part of KAT-TUN at all!”
“Shut up!”
White knuckles collided with Kame’s cheek bone. The impact instantly made a bruise, sending his sunglasses flying as he swayed a bit in his spot. Akanishi stood frozen in front of him.
“I - I’m sorry,” Akanishi said, concern evident on his face as he took off his own shades to take a better look at the damage he unintentionally caused. “I didn’t mean to - ”
Akanishi did not get to finish his apology as Kame solidly hit him back. He ended up sitting on the pavement, and his attacker was pleased to see his face bleeding. That’s not even half of what he had to pay for.
“What the fuck, Kamenashi!” he yelled up at Kame.
“Yes, Jin, just what the fuck!”
Akanishi was surprised to hear Kame call him by his first name. He had not done that for some years now.
“How do you think does it feel to be left? You don’t know, Jin! You don’t have to suffer when people say that you left the group because KAT-TUN was dragging you down! How do you think do we face it when people say you’re worth so much more than KAT-TUN? The group you’ve shared everything with for nine fucking years, Jin!” Kame continued to yell, his voice echoing around the empty lot. “How do you think does it feel when critics say that we’re not going to last long in the business because a member left? How do you think does it feel to receive threats from crazy fans telling us to bring Akanishi Jin back into KAT-TUN or someone dies?”
Akanishi stared. He knew that a lot of people were angry about him leaving the group, but Johnny Kitagawa , or anyone in the agency for that matter, never got around to telling him that the situation had gone that far.
“Yes, Jin. There were threats,” Kame said, reading the expression on Akanishi’s face. “And you know what the worst part is? It was your fucking fault and you were not there to make it right!”
Kame hit Akanishi in the face again, but a split-second before he did, Akanishi could swear he saw something glistening on Kame’s cheeks, like tears. His head rotated a good 90 degrees or so as Kame’s fist hit him. When Akanishi looked back at him, he was standing with his back to the older man.
Kame stared out at the empty parking lot. He was expecting Akanishi to strike back at him anytime, but he did not dare look. He discreetly wiped the tears on his cheeks. He wasn’t even aware of when he started crying, but he immediately stopped. He caught his breath and tried to clear his head.
“Oh, and by the way,” he said, still facing away. His voice was lower and steadier this time. “That’s right, Akanishi. I get all the girls now.”
Kame emphasized “Akanishi.” He realized that he had called him “Jin” more than a couple of times, and the guy was probably thinking that he was clinging on to old memories and all that shit. Well, yeah, maybe he was, but letting Akanishi know was absolutely unnecessary.
There was a moment of quiet, followed by Akanishi’s violently firm grip on Kame’s shoulder, forcing the smaller man to turn around and face him. Kame instinctively closed his eyes in anticipation of another punch to the face, but no blow landed. Instead, upon turning around, his lips were met by Akanishi’s.
[I gave it my all, so I don’t have regrets]
“Shocked” was an understatement. Kame stood transfixed but his eyes were wide with bewilderment. Akanishi’s eyes were closed, and his hand remained on Kame’s shoulder. What the hell? Kame thought as he realized that they were, in fact, in a public place. The younger man pushed at Akanishi’s chest in an attempt to break the kiss, but Akanishi merely absorbed the force and, instead, held on to Kame’s other shoulder to keep him in place.
Kame lost the nerve to keep his eyes open, his thoughts swirling vaguely in his head. Jin wasn’t moving either. Kame could still feel his rigid hands on his shoulder, and he wasn’t pulling back. Kame’s lips parted, and he tasted blood on Jin’s lower lip. He finally opened his eyes and saw that Jin’s eyes were still closed, and that the second punch caused the bleeding cut to his lip. He pulled back from the kiss with composure. He raised a hand and gently touched Jin’s wound with his index finger. He was sorry.
Upon feeling Kame’s finger on his lip, Jin opened his eyes and looked at the younger man. All the resentment and rage previously contained in his eyes were gone, replaced by an expression that told Jin that the blows and insults were unintended and only the result of provocation. Jin pressed his lips to Kame’s again, and this time engaged him in a deeper, more passionate kiss.
The sweet taste of coffee was still there, Kame hazily noted as his tongue wandered slowly around inside Jin’s mouth, occasionally meeting the older man’s tongue and battling for passage, as if Jin were teasing him. Kame saw a faint smile on Jin’s face before closing his eyes as they continued to kiss.
Jin’s hand shifted from Kame’s shoulder to his waist, pulling him closer. He placed the other one on Kame’s cheek, and the reaction he got was Kame pressing himself onto him. Jin spun them around and pushed so that Kame’s back was to his car. His grip on his waist tightened as he felt the heat in his body begin to rise. He sucked at Kame’s tongue and bit at his lip intermittently, becoming more lustful for the KAT-TUN leader. Kame played his part and raised his hand to cup Jin’s face. He tilted his head a bit, allowing both of them a better angle for probing each other’s mouth.
So this is what it feels like to kiss Jin, Kame thought as he remained pinned to Jin’s car. His head was beginning to reel from the rush of emotion and desire. For years, he had sporadically imagined, but never really admitted to himself that he wanted it. It was happening. Here. Now. He was sharing an impassioned and heartfelt kiss with Akanishi Jin.
Kame sighed, his hot breath turning Jin on even more and causing the taller man to grind his groin against the KAT-TUN leader’s. Kame made a sharp intake of breath, surprised with the friction. Jin placed a hand on the front of Kame’s pants and was pleased to feel that his move instantly gave Kame a hard on. Getting even more excited, he proceeded to trace kisses down Kame’s neck as his hands glided over Kame’s belt, finding the buckle and working to unfasten it.
[Think it over before you say it]
Kame moaned quietly, his head thrown back against the car window, as Jin licked at the side of his neck and collarbone. His eyes shot open, though, when he felt Jin fumbling with his belt. He grabbed Jin’s hands and pulled them away from his crotch.
“What?” Jin said as he straightened up, his wrists still held up by Kame.
“What are you doing?” asked Kame, his brows furrowed.
“Having fun, what else?” Jin replied, laughing.
He thought what he said didn’t quite come out right, but Kame would understand. He always did. Jin smiled as he dove in for another kiss. Just then, Kame let go of Jin’s hands and slapped him in the face.
Jin was taken aback. He stared, and Kame stared back, tears welling in his deep, dark eyes once more.
“Isn’t this what you want?” Jin said, his voice slightly raised and his face looking angry and uncertain at the same time. “Isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for?
What I’ve been waiting for? Kame stared in disbelief.
“I’m not that desperate to have sex with a stuck-up idiot like you!”
The Akanishi Jin he knew was obviously not here, not the one he was kissing a while ago. Kame briefly wondered at what point this man changed exactly, when, for so many years, they saw each other and worked together almost everyday. If, perhaps, Kame or another KAT-TUN member saw this radical transformation coming, could they have done something to stop it? But then, he thought that stopping someone from changing was unfair to that person. In Akanishi’s case, Kame would just have wanted to know why or be warned of it. He was sure a lot of people felt the same.
[I'll meet someone so much better]
Kame’s head was beginning to feel heavy. This is why you’re better off with him out of the group, Kamenashi, he told himself. Just an hour or so spent with Akanishi caused him to feel hope, resentment, lust, and disdain in varying intensities and frequencies. Kame continued to stare, though his sight was now partly clouded with tears he so desperately fought back.
Akanishi’s expression became taut once more. Kame clearly misunderstood what he said, but he had no intention of apologizing or explaining to the high and mighty golden boy, no thanks. He took a step back, massaging the cheek Kame slapped.
“Fuck you, Akanishi,” he said, stressing every syllable of every word, his voice trembling with anger. He had a glare that pierced through the ex-member’s own gaze.
As Kame stared, Akanishi made another annoying smirk. He wanted to slap him again. Hell, he wanted to beat him to death for this night alone.
“Fuck you, too,” Akanishi suddenly said.
Kame’s heart skipped a beat with the ill feeling that Akanishi’s words brought. He glared one last time and mustered all his willpower to just walk away. He put his hands in his pocket, taking large, hurried strides to his own car.
“Hey,” Akanishi yelled as he walked.
Kame almost expected Akanishi to be running up to him looking apologetic. Turning around, though, he saw that Akanishi was already in his car, the window rolled down and his sunglasses back on.
“Have a nice life, Kazu - Kamenashi.”
Engine gunning and the tires screeching, Akanishi Jin drove off.
oOo
Kame’s vision was blurry with tears, but he did not care. He just kept on driving. He was hoping to reach home and perhaps hit his head on the living room wall for being so stupid. Or bang his head on his bedroom desk. Or maybe his car was going to crash since he couldn’t really see where he was going. If the latter happened, there was also the chance that he was going to hit his head. Amnesia, perhaps? That would be better.
“Have a nice life, Kazu - Kamenashi,” Akanishi said before driving out into the night, leaving Kame standing in the middle of the parking lot.
Kame felt, though, like he was left in the middle of nowhere. He was not even done processing in his mind the kiss that took place, and then Akanishi made that insulting remark, and then they went back to offending each other, and then Akanishi ended up wishing Kame to “have a nice life.”
[I’ll make you regret it all]
Kame knew, right then and there, that the man meant “goodbye” when he said it. And fuck his pride, but he was hurt. Akanishi apparently knew how Kame felt, and thought it would be nice to toy with the KAT-TUN leader a little bit as he was chilling out here in Tokyo. For that, Kame meant it, too, when he said “Fuck you, Akanishi.”
Yes, he wanted Akanishi, not just for the lust but for a more profound and complicated reason, too: what people called “love.” It’s your own fault, Kamenashi, he told himself. If you just got a grip of yourself and didn’t ask him out for coffee in the first place, none of this would have happened.
Why he grew feelings for Akanishi, Kame definitely, regretfully knew. But how that kind and thoughtful comrade turned out to be a heartless person who takes advantage of people who care about him, though, Kame will forever wonder.
Kame’s tears continued to flow down his already tearstained cheeks, occasionally illuminated by the headlights and lampposts his car sped by.
Kame wondered, too, whether the rumors that Akanishi was a playboy were indeed true. They had already fallen out when those stories of going on wild dates with various women came out, and Kame was no longer in a position to sit down and have a chat with the guy about his private, albeit wild and unruly, life.
“Have a nice life…”
Akanishi’s voice played over and over again in Kame’s head as he drove on. They were never going to see each other again. Or if they were, it would never be the same. It was the end. Kame did not even bother being surprised that Akanishi made out with him. After what happened, he was even less interested in making clear Akanishi’s sexual orientation. Kame was not going to be the ambitious brat’s plaything.
“Kazu - Kamenashi.”
Kame suddenly remembered how Akanishi said his name. He almost called him “Kazuya,” like he used to back when they were inseparable, but immediately corrected it, deciding to distance himself with a cold “Kamenashi.” Kame punched the steering wheel in anger. Anger with himself or with Akanishi, though, he did not really know or care anymore.
oOoOo
Part 3
Previous Part (Part 1)
Back to Fic list
Pairing: Akame
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Smut, Romance
Summary: Kame still has not dealt with the fact that Jin left KAT-TUN. Now that the soloist is back in Japan, Kame has to confront his own thoughts, as well as the feelings he had kept hidden for years.
oOoOo
The two JE talents awkwardly sat in the corner of a coffee shop frequented by celebrities. The coffee was not exactly to die for, but artists preferred hanging out in that particular shop for the security and privacy it guaranteed. It was one of those places that were “hidden in plain view.”
“So, um, how was the US?” Kame asked, straining his eyes through the sunglasses he was wearing to see Akanishi’s facial expression. The older artist was also wearing shades, though.
As soon as he got out of the Johnny’s Entertainment building, Kame put his shades on even if it was already 9 in the evening. It was especially essential that no one saw their faces as Akanishi’s sleek new sports car (Probably a congratulatory gift for the US tour, Kame thought) tailed Kame’s own SUV.
“It was… okay,” replied Akanishi slowly, after taking a sip from his cup.
Some smoke was still coming up from the cup to indicate that the coffee was still hot, in stark contrast with the atmosphere that pervaded the forced conversation. Kame now seriously regretted asking Akanishi to have coffee with him, and wondered why the guy agreed to at all. The older man, as much as Kame could see, was pokerfaced. His look was blank. Pretty much like how it was during the last few months that he was still part of KAT-TUN.
“I heard you get a lot of American women now,” Kame commented, remembering and unable to restrain his curiosity about the fresh rumors.
Akanishi’s expression seemed to change. His face seemed to tighten, like he was tense or something.
“Not much,” Akanishi replied with an unnatural smile. “I bet you get all the girls now that you’re the leader of the group.”
Just as Kame’s features involuntarily showed annoyance, Akanishi’s lips curled into a devilish smirk Kame was not used to seeing. That sort of smile was reserved for dramas and music videos, not in real life.
“I’m sorry. Did I touch a nerve?”
Kame wanted to just hit him in the face right then and there, but thought better about it. He didn’t even know why he was suddenly angry. The way Akanishi said his remark about Kame getting all the girls was just irritating to the point of being unreal.
“I’ve always been the leader, Akanishi,” he finally replied.
He was struggling to keep his voice steady and resisting the urge to yell at the man in front of him.
“That’s why it’s KAT-TUN. That’s why it’s spelled K-A-T-T-U-N,” Kame said, emphasizing each letter as he spelled it out. “It was never AKT-TUN or anything else, right?”
Now, Akanishi was the one who looked like he wanted to punch Kame. He glared at the younger artist and got up from his couch. Kame followed him out the door onto the empty café parking lot. While it was basically open space, it was walled, being a celebrity hangout spot. Thus, there was still some privacy.
[All you do is act a fool
You ain't shit without your crew]
“Running away again, are we, Akanishi?” Kame yelled as he caught up to Akanishi by the soloist’s car.
Again, he did not know why, but it felt like the only thing to do. They were already on a negative vibe, anyway. A little bit of yelling and perhaps a fight would not hurt anymore.
“Running away?” Akanishi replied, turning around and walking towards Kame, his voice getting louder as well. “I’m not running away. What would I be running away from?”
“Well, I don’t know,” mocked Kame, placing his hands on his waist as and tapping his leather-shoed foot on the asphalt floor as if waiting on a thought. “Perhaps, from the scandals? And the people you hurt?”
Or maybe it would hurt. But Kame couldn’t really care now. Akanishi was here, and he was going to hear what everyone has been speculating about for the last few months.
“Not long after KAT-TUN legitimately launched, Akanishi began to assert himself as a soloist,” Kame quoted a recent article.5 “If you were so keen on going solo from the start, you shouldn’t have agreed to be part of KAT-TUN at all!”
“Shut up!”
White knuckles collided with Kame’s cheek bone. The impact instantly made a bruise, sending his sunglasses flying as he swayed a bit in his spot. Akanishi stood frozen in front of him.
“I - I’m sorry,” Akanishi said, concern evident on his face as he took off his own shades to take a better look at the damage he unintentionally caused. “I didn’t mean to - ”
Akanishi did not get to finish his apology as Kame solidly hit him back. He ended up sitting on the pavement, and his attacker was pleased to see his face bleeding. That’s not even half of what he had to pay for.
“What the fuck, Kamenashi!” he yelled up at Kame.
“Yes, Jin, just what the fuck!”
Akanishi was surprised to hear Kame call him by his first name. He had not done that for some years now.
“How do you think does it feel to be left? You don’t know, Jin! You don’t have to suffer when people say that you left the group because KAT-TUN was dragging you down! How do you think do we face it when people say you’re worth so much more than KAT-TUN? The group you’ve shared everything with for nine fucking years, Jin!” Kame continued to yell, his voice echoing around the empty lot. “How do you think does it feel when critics say that we’re not going to last long in the business because a member left? How do you think does it feel to receive threats from crazy fans telling us to bring Akanishi Jin back into KAT-TUN or someone dies?”
Akanishi stared. He knew that a lot of people were angry about him leaving the group, but Johnny Kitagawa , or anyone in the agency for that matter, never got around to telling him that the situation had gone that far.
“Yes, Jin. There were threats,” Kame said, reading the expression on Akanishi’s face. “And you know what the worst part is? It was your fucking fault and you were not there to make it right!”
Kame hit Akanishi in the face again, but a split-second before he did, Akanishi could swear he saw something glistening on Kame’s cheeks, like tears. His head rotated a good 90 degrees or so as Kame’s fist hit him. When Akanishi looked back at him, he was standing with his back to the older man.
Kame stared out at the empty parking lot. He was expecting Akanishi to strike back at him anytime, but he did not dare look. He discreetly wiped the tears on his cheeks. He wasn’t even aware of when he started crying, but he immediately stopped. He caught his breath and tried to clear his head.
“Oh, and by the way,” he said, still facing away. His voice was lower and steadier this time. “That’s right, Akanishi. I get all the girls now.”
Kame emphasized “Akanishi.” He realized that he had called him “Jin” more than a couple of times, and the guy was probably thinking that he was clinging on to old memories and all that shit. Well, yeah, maybe he was, but letting Akanishi know was absolutely unnecessary.
There was a moment of quiet, followed by Akanishi’s violently firm grip on Kame’s shoulder, forcing the smaller man to turn around and face him. Kame instinctively closed his eyes in anticipation of another punch to the face, but no blow landed. Instead, upon turning around, his lips were met by Akanishi’s.
[I gave it my all, so I don’t have regrets]
“Shocked” was an understatement. Kame stood transfixed but his eyes were wide with bewilderment. Akanishi’s eyes were closed, and his hand remained on Kame’s shoulder. What the hell? Kame thought as he realized that they were, in fact, in a public place. The younger man pushed at Akanishi’s chest in an attempt to break the kiss, but Akanishi merely absorbed the force and, instead, held on to Kame’s other shoulder to keep him in place.
Kame lost the nerve to keep his eyes open, his thoughts swirling vaguely in his head. Jin wasn’t moving either. Kame could still feel his rigid hands on his shoulder, and he wasn’t pulling back. Kame’s lips parted, and he tasted blood on Jin’s lower lip. He finally opened his eyes and saw that Jin’s eyes were still closed, and that the second punch caused the bleeding cut to his lip. He pulled back from the kiss with composure. He raised a hand and gently touched Jin’s wound with his index finger. He was sorry.
Upon feeling Kame’s finger on his lip, Jin opened his eyes and looked at the younger man. All the resentment and rage previously contained in his eyes were gone, replaced by an expression that told Jin that the blows and insults were unintended and only the result of provocation. Jin pressed his lips to Kame’s again, and this time engaged him in a deeper, more passionate kiss.
The sweet taste of coffee was still there, Kame hazily noted as his tongue wandered slowly around inside Jin’s mouth, occasionally meeting the older man’s tongue and battling for passage, as if Jin were teasing him. Kame saw a faint smile on Jin’s face before closing his eyes as they continued to kiss.
Jin’s hand shifted from Kame’s shoulder to his waist, pulling him closer. He placed the other one on Kame’s cheek, and the reaction he got was Kame pressing himself onto him. Jin spun them around and pushed so that Kame’s back was to his car. His grip on his waist tightened as he felt the heat in his body begin to rise. He sucked at Kame’s tongue and bit at his lip intermittently, becoming more lustful for the KAT-TUN leader. Kame played his part and raised his hand to cup Jin’s face. He tilted his head a bit, allowing both of them a better angle for probing each other’s mouth.
So this is what it feels like to kiss Jin, Kame thought as he remained pinned to Jin’s car. His head was beginning to reel from the rush of emotion and desire. For years, he had sporadically imagined, but never really admitted to himself that he wanted it. It was happening. Here. Now. He was sharing an impassioned and heartfelt kiss with Akanishi Jin.
Kame sighed, his hot breath turning Jin on even more and causing the taller man to grind his groin against the KAT-TUN leader’s. Kame made a sharp intake of breath, surprised with the friction. Jin placed a hand on the front of Kame’s pants and was pleased to feel that his move instantly gave Kame a hard on. Getting even more excited, he proceeded to trace kisses down Kame’s neck as his hands glided over Kame’s belt, finding the buckle and working to unfasten it.
[Think it over before you say it]
Kame moaned quietly, his head thrown back against the car window, as Jin licked at the side of his neck and collarbone. His eyes shot open, though, when he felt Jin fumbling with his belt. He grabbed Jin’s hands and pulled them away from his crotch.
“What?” Jin said as he straightened up, his wrists still held up by Kame.
“What are you doing?” asked Kame, his brows furrowed.
“Having fun, what else?” Jin replied, laughing.
He thought what he said didn’t quite come out right, but Kame would understand. He always did. Jin smiled as he dove in for another kiss. Just then, Kame let go of Jin’s hands and slapped him in the face.
Jin was taken aback. He stared, and Kame stared back, tears welling in his deep, dark eyes once more.
“Isn’t this what you want?” Jin said, his voice slightly raised and his face looking angry and uncertain at the same time. “Isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for?
What I’ve been waiting for? Kame stared in disbelief.
“I’m not that desperate to have sex with a stuck-up idiot like you!”
The Akanishi Jin he knew was obviously not here, not the one he was kissing a while ago. Kame briefly wondered at what point this man changed exactly, when, for so many years, they saw each other and worked together almost everyday. If, perhaps, Kame or another KAT-TUN member saw this radical transformation coming, could they have done something to stop it? But then, he thought that stopping someone from changing was unfair to that person. In Akanishi’s case, Kame would just have wanted to know why or be warned of it. He was sure a lot of people felt the same.
[I'll meet someone so much better]
Kame’s head was beginning to feel heavy. This is why you’re better off with him out of the group, Kamenashi, he told himself. Just an hour or so spent with Akanishi caused him to feel hope, resentment, lust, and disdain in varying intensities and frequencies. Kame continued to stare, though his sight was now partly clouded with tears he so desperately fought back.
Akanishi’s expression became taut once more. Kame clearly misunderstood what he said, but he had no intention of apologizing or explaining to the high and mighty golden boy, no thanks. He took a step back, massaging the cheek Kame slapped.
“Fuck you, Akanishi,” he said, stressing every syllable of every word, his voice trembling with anger. He had a glare that pierced through the ex-member’s own gaze.
As Kame stared, Akanishi made another annoying smirk. He wanted to slap him again. Hell, he wanted to beat him to death for this night alone.
“Fuck you, too,” Akanishi suddenly said.
Kame’s heart skipped a beat with the ill feeling that Akanishi’s words brought. He glared one last time and mustered all his willpower to just walk away. He put his hands in his pocket, taking large, hurried strides to his own car.
“Hey,” Akanishi yelled as he walked.
Kame almost expected Akanishi to be running up to him looking apologetic. Turning around, though, he saw that Akanishi was already in his car, the window rolled down and his sunglasses back on.
“Have a nice life, Kazu - Kamenashi.”
Engine gunning and the tires screeching, Akanishi Jin drove off.
oOo
Kame’s vision was blurry with tears, but he did not care. He just kept on driving. He was hoping to reach home and perhaps hit his head on the living room wall for being so stupid. Or bang his head on his bedroom desk. Or maybe his car was going to crash since he couldn’t really see where he was going. If the latter happened, there was also the chance that he was going to hit his head. Amnesia, perhaps? That would be better.
“Have a nice life, Kazu - Kamenashi,” Akanishi said before driving out into the night, leaving Kame standing in the middle of the parking lot.
Kame felt, though, like he was left in the middle of nowhere. He was not even done processing in his mind the kiss that took place, and then Akanishi made that insulting remark, and then they went back to offending each other, and then Akanishi ended up wishing Kame to “have a nice life.”
[I’ll make you regret it all]
Kame knew, right then and there, that the man meant “goodbye” when he said it. And fuck his pride, but he was hurt. Akanishi apparently knew how Kame felt, and thought it would be nice to toy with the KAT-TUN leader a little bit as he was chilling out here in Tokyo. For that, Kame meant it, too, when he said “Fuck you, Akanishi.”
Yes, he wanted Akanishi, not just for the lust but for a more profound and complicated reason, too: what people called “love.” It’s your own fault, Kamenashi, he told himself. If you just got a grip of yourself and didn’t ask him out for coffee in the first place, none of this would have happened.
Why he grew feelings for Akanishi, Kame definitely, regretfully knew. But how that kind and thoughtful comrade turned out to be a heartless person who takes advantage of people who care about him, though, Kame will forever wonder.
Kame’s tears continued to flow down his already tearstained cheeks, occasionally illuminated by the headlights and lampposts his car sped by.
Kame wondered, too, whether the rumors that Akanishi was a playboy were indeed true. They had already fallen out when those stories of going on wild dates with various women came out, and Kame was no longer in a position to sit down and have a chat with the guy about his private, albeit wild and unruly, life.
“Have a nice life…”
Akanishi’s voice played over and over again in Kame’s head as he drove on. They were never going to see each other again. Or if they were, it would never be the same. It was the end. Kame did not even bother being surprised that Akanishi made out with him. After what happened, he was even less interested in making clear Akanishi’s sexual orientation. Kame was not going to be the ambitious brat’s plaything.
“Kazu - Kamenashi.”
Kame suddenly remembered how Akanishi said his name. He almost called him “Kazuya,” like he used to back when they were inseparable, but immediately corrected it, deciding to distance himself with a cold “Kamenashi.” Kame punched the steering wheel in anger. Anger with himself or with Akanishi, though, he did not really know or care anymore.
oOoOo
Part 3
Previous Part (Part 1)
Back to Fic list