I should be sleeping...
I resigned from my position at the library a few weeks ago... it was a choice I did not want to make, leaving in haste, but it was just what needed to happen and I was also delaying the inevitable. If I were a different person with different motivations I could/would have made it work, but others would have suffered. I made a promise to be a different parent when I decided to take on this task, and I want to keep that promise. Less is more. More just clutters my life and my mind and makes me cranky. Not that I don't get cranky, but I made the choice to have this life long ago, knowing the sacrifices I would have to make in order to have what I wanted. Here I am, with what I mostly wanted, but sort of a different version than what I had in my head.
As the days,weeks, months go by I look at myself in the mirror and see my mother... she was 33 years old when I lost her, and I was 33 when I gave birth to my son. 5 years have passed by and I don't know where the time went. I mean, I know, but it just doesn't seem like we have moved 4 times in these past 5 years. We have been back in Tahlequah exactly one year today. Our experience in Colorado was unforgettable. I still miss it at times, but I don't want to go back. Perhaps later I will change my mind who knows.
So here I am, back in Oklahoma... not much has changed, then again I haven't changed much either. My eyes are trying very hard to catch the beauty in this place long enough to keep me here. If you love photography, then you understand. While living in Colorado I got in this routine of going out for sunrises and sunsets for the best shots, the ones with the best light that makes everything shine with a gleam. I was amazed at how many other photographers I would run into in the most surprising places... places where only I thought I had the shot. In the few months that we lived there I took around 4,000 photos, yet not one is hanging in my home. Why is that? Do I not want to be reminded of my time there? I'm not sure. I drag my little family out on these random drives around Tahlequah, sometimes with a purpose, mostly with none... I just look to the sky and it seems to tell me where I need to be to see the beautiful sunset or just some new area to explore. The days are getting shorter now and I have to be quick to catch great light... if no one else gets me, at least my little family does. Today is Halloween and all I wanna do is bake something sweet and catch up on Mad Men episodes! I'm hooked!! <3
As the days,weeks, months go by I look at myself in the mirror and see my mother... she was 33 years old when I lost her, and I was 33 when I gave birth to my son. 5 years have passed by and I don't know where the time went. I mean, I know, but it just doesn't seem like we have moved 4 times in these past 5 years. We have been back in Tahlequah exactly one year today. Our experience in Colorado was unforgettable. I still miss it at times, but I don't want to go back. Perhaps later I will change my mind who knows.
So here I am, back in Oklahoma... not much has changed, then again I haven't changed much either. My eyes are trying very hard to catch the beauty in this place long enough to keep me here. If you love photography, then you understand. While living in Colorado I got in this routine of going out for sunrises and sunsets for the best shots, the ones with the best light that makes everything shine with a gleam. I was amazed at how many other photographers I would run into in the most surprising places... places where only I thought I had the shot. In the few months that we lived there I took around 4,000 photos, yet not one is hanging in my home. Why is that? Do I not want to be reminded of my time there? I'm not sure. I drag my little family out on these random drives around Tahlequah, sometimes with a purpose, mostly with none... I just look to the sky and it seems to tell me where I need to be to see the beautiful sunset or just some new area to explore. The days are getting shorter now and I have to be quick to catch great light... if no one else gets me, at least my little family does. Today is Halloween and all I wanna do is bake something sweet and catch up on Mad Men episodes! I'm hooked!! <3