“I think,” Ohno says slowly, squinting at the contrivance, “this woman must have had a hard time walking when she was alive.”
“That is a ludicrous size,” Aiba points. “You know, I heard the guys who designed this had to make it at an angle so there’d be enough room.”
Nino leans forward and rubs his chin. “How old do you think she was when she died? They’re so… perky. She must have been pretty young.”
Ohno shakes his head. “It must have taken some time for them to grow to this - this magnitude.”
“They’re practically watermelons,” Aiba agrees. “With nubs!” He beams.
Sho chuckles and folds his arms. “She was 50,” he tells the group knowingly.
“What?” Matsujun laughs. “How do you know?”
“5x10. It’s written all over the thing,” Sho grins back. “Also, it was in her profile.”
They stare at the corpse for a while longer, a different mood replacing their jejune natter. “It’s not every day you answer a fan’s request like this, huh?” Ohno speaks, an air of finality enshrouding his words.
“Yeah. She never did get to attend a concert, did she?” Nino wonders.
“We’d notice if she did. With the, you know.” Aiba performs a highly inappropriate bouncing motion with his hand in the vicinity of his chest.
“Well, we’re all right in front of her now. Like, barely six inches away,” Jun sighs.
“At her funeral.” Sho claws at his face.
“At least we look good in black?” Nino quips. Jun cuffs him.
“Can we just send her on her way now?” Aiba squirms, tearing his eyes off the massive mounds.
Jun reaches to the side of the retort and depresses the button. It rumbles for a bit before heating up.
“Let’s go,” Ohno advises as the temperature rises.
“Goodbye, Ardent Fan,” Aiba waves solemnly.
“May you and your tits rest in peace,” Nino adds as an afterthought.
They file out of the room, with Sho bringing up the rear. He turns, hoping to cast a final, meaningful glance at the contraption; it detonates into flames and he bolts out the door.
“That is a ludicrous size,” Aiba points. “You know, I heard the guys who designed this had to make it at an angle so there’d be enough room.”
Nino leans forward and rubs his chin. “How old do you think she was when she died? They’re so… perky. She must have been pretty young.”
Ohno shakes his head. “It must have taken some time for them to grow to this - this magnitude.”
“They’re practically watermelons,” Aiba agrees. “With nubs!” He beams.
Sho chuckles and folds his arms. “She was 50,” he tells the group knowingly.
“What?” Matsujun laughs. “How do you know?”
“5x10. It’s written all over the thing,” Sho grins back. “Also, it was in her profile.”
They stare at the corpse for a while longer, a different mood replacing their jejune natter. “It’s not every day you answer a fan’s request like this, huh?” Ohno speaks, an air of finality enshrouding his words.
“Yeah. She never did get to attend a concert, did she?” Nino wonders.
“We’d notice if she did. With the, you know.” Aiba performs a highly inappropriate bouncing motion with his hand in the vicinity of his chest.
“Well, we’re all right in front of her now. Like, barely six inches away,” Jun sighs.
“At her funeral.” Sho claws at his face.
“At least we look good in black?” Nino quips. Jun cuffs him.
“Can we just send her on her way now?” Aiba squirms, tearing his eyes off the massive mounds.
Jun reaches to the side of the retort and depresses the button. It rumbles for a bit before heating up.
“Let’s go,” Ohno advises as the temperature rises.
“Goodbye, Ardent Fan,” Aiba waves solemnly.
“May you and your tits rest in peace,” Nino adds as an afterthought.
They file out of the room, with Sho bringing up the rear. He turns, hoping to cast a final, meaningful glance at the contraption; it detonates into flames and he bolts out the door.
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i may be shedding my anonymity as the weeks go by :P right now i'm just so embarrassed by this fic, lol.
thanks for putting this awesome avenue up for us crazy people ♥
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