(no subject)
Over a thousand miles away from anything that I can even recognize, with people i do not know... and if i play by the rules will never see again in my life, i learned more about myself and life in the past 3 days then i even thought possible.
Round here... your known for your hits. Your only as valuable to someone compared with what you can do for them. Nobody sees the stars, the sun rise/set, a farm illuminated in the middle of the night, or do they take the time to care. I wondered for so long why I do not fit in around here... and after going to minnesota this weekend - i get it. To me - its the little things that make life amazing. - the shit all the fuckers here overlook everyday. Not knowing if your going to make your bills - playing quaters all night long with friends even if it means going to work drunk - being selfless - the stars - the open fields - the thrill of never knowing what tomorrow is going to bring... I kno that i have alot of oppertunities here... infact i could say i have the world at my feet - and if i wanted it i could have it all. But honeslty... i dont give a flying fuck. None of that means shit to me - because really sometimes i wish that i was a fuck up in life that way i could fail all the time... let it all go. for some strange reason i see glory in failure - really. I would do anything to just give it all up - just drive and where i end up is where i belong. WHen i was in the middle of nowhere this weekend with no contact to anyone that i really know - it did not phase me - it was pretty damn cool to be lost and not want to be found. The only problem is- i fucked up really bad - i was not myself - i was someone that i never knew i had inside of me - aand that scares me because i think i have very well lost him to someone i dont kno... me. I need to decide if I want to play by the rules - but if all goes according to plan - soon you wont know me... i guess what im really trying to say is - i'd rather be known for my misses....
<3 take what you want from me - you deserve it all <3