(no subject)
So I start work at the Home Depot in the quarry tomorrow morning (well, this morning technically) at 10am... still dunno how I'm going to get there exactly. Gonna try to get up at 8 anyways... even though it's only about 5 1/2 hours away. S'gonna hurt for sure.
Laura came to rescue today as well. After taking Chance to the vet I came home, went to take a shower, and got the call from Home Depot. They wanted me there in either 20 minutes to fill out some paper work or else there later at about 3-4ish. After saying (being completely nude at the moment) that I could make the later time I then asked mom if she could take me. She could not... unless I wanted to leave right then or right after my shower (it was only about 11am). So I called Laura and she said she could. I bought her Leeann Chin in return, and after the 15 minute paperwork session (which turned into 45 minutes since they couldn't seem to find the paperwork) I bought her a cookie dough blizzard in celebration.
Got Ana caught up to Doomsday in Doctor Who. We'll have to rent the Christmas episode with Catherine Tate since the cheap knockoff Chinese set doesn't include Christmas episodes.
Watching Doctor Who always leaves me feeling both happy and sad. Sad since, of course, it's really all just made up and there's no such thing as fantastically idiotic men flying around in odd boxes and there's no chance in hell I'd be able to take part in any of it due to it's non-existence. Happy because even if it isn't real, look how clever we were to think up something so fantastic that can make people dream of all kinds of other things they've never even seen and inspire them to long for more.
But I've also come to the conclusion that my worst fear isn't wood chippers, it's comfortable patterns. Being faced with a long term job is making me very nervous. Like pit of the stomach going to throw the crap up nervous. I never felt this way when it came to Malmborg's or Linder's, even on sales days.
I think it's because I'm worried I'm going to either fall into a nice comfortable pattern of work, be so focused on doing good on work that I forget about my masters and all my little hobbies and curiosities will just go to waste... or fail at keeping up the facade of loving work for such a long period of time. With Malmborg's I kept thinking "Burn myself out until the last possible moment then I can rest it up." But here there'll be no "last possible moment." Will I feel compelled to burn myself up for the sake of doing a hard days work and lose myself, or will I be mediocre and faulty and fail anyways due to lack of money and job in the end?
Yeah, it sound stupid. Of course I'm going to work hard as I can, but I'm still worried I'll just become another statistic... though that's really all most of us are I think. I'm not saying I want to hop onto the nearest blue box and travel the universe, though that would be fun. I'm just saying I kind of feel like I'm not going to do... anything... with my life. Like of importance. I'll get my place, work my ass off for minimum wage, struggle for benefits, always dream of the Master's I'm going to get one day when I've saved up enough, fight my weight.
It'll be the little things though that will start to drive me mad I'm certain. Just like the Polar Bears in a pen too small for them. Little habits to ritualize the day. Almost a sacred good luck charm, but in reality it's just something to make a game of what's become so dull you're screaming in your head.
Brushing my teeth in the same fashion (Insides, tops, outsides, gums, cheeks, roof of mouth, tongue... I have to end with almost making myself gag), "equipping" my items (keys on belt loop, wallet in left pocket, Ipod in right), parking in the same spot (when I get a car), putting my time card back in the same spot I always do in the same angle, pulling peoples cards through the machine at the same angle repeatedly, money all face up and heads pointing to the right, taking a shower (wash hair, wash face starting with the forehead and ending with neck, wash in a north to south manner, clean intimate areas, finish with cleaning feet, clean ears with q-tips, make sure nose isn't stuffed), sleep (Head facing door, one leg up, place glasses on desk, ear thing on table, bra on floor next to bed, long pillow by wall, bear next to that, regular pillow beneath bear and by feet, blanket for when it gets cold between that and self, pillow right to the left of me, and one pillow under my head, arm under the pillow)... those are what I've had so far. Rituals I either still have or seem to get easily like OCD and that make me feel very nervous.
It really does remind me of when I went to Como to see the polar bear and all it did was swim around and around, doing th same exact thing over and over like it was a game to see how similar it could do it to the last time. Like it was counting how many times it could go around to see if it could lose count today. Like it was waiting for the floor of it's pool to burst open into something else so it would have to worry about completing it's rotations anymore... or maybe it had forgotten what it wanted to happen and was simply blank in the head while having at it's rituals.
For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, Como Zoo is the face of what not to do when planning a zoo. That bear died and they shouldn't be allowed to replace it. I don't know if they did or not, but it was disgusting. The bear had two cycles it would do constantly and unceasingly. Here they both are:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxH96ZXFJdY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzXRYzO-GUs
So... now that I have a job here's the list of things I'm going to save up to afford, in order of most to least important to me:
-Getting my teeth checked out (my lower left wisdom tooth is peeking out finally)
-Apartment
-Cel Phone
-Car
-That Doll
-Masters in Physical Anthropology
-Legitimate Doctor Who
Well, 6 hours now. Better head off to bed.
I'm sure things won't be as depressing as all that... especially with Heidi coming down for good. Things seem to always get better when she's finally around.
OH! Does anyone remember the name of that game where you're the little ship flying around and bamfing the different parts of a song so that the different sections play? Sort of the precursor to the Guitar Hero and Rock Band things?
Laura came to rescue today as well. After taking Chance to the vet I came home, went to take a shower, and got the call from Home Depot. They wanted me there in either 20 minutes to fill out some paper work or else there later at about 3-4ish. After saying (being completely nude at the moment) that I could make the later time I then asked mom if she could take me. She could not... unless I wanted to leave right then or right after my shower (it was only about 11am). So I called Laura and she said she could. I bought her Leeann Chin in return, and after the 15 minute paperwork session (which turned into 45 minutes since they couldn't seem to find the paperwork) I bought her a cookie dough blizzard in celebration.
Got Ana caught up to Doomsday in Doctor Who. We'll have to rent the Christmas episode with Catherine Tate since the cheap knockoff Chinese set doesn't include Christmas episodes.
Watching Doctor Who always leaves me feeling both happy and sad. Sad since, of course, it's really all just made up and there's no such thing as fantastically idiotic men flying around in odd boxes and there's no chance in hell I'd be able to take part in any of it due to it's non-existence. Happy because even if it isn't real, look how clever we were to think up something so fantastic that can make people dream of all kinds of other things they've never even seen and inspire them to long for more.
But I've also come to the conclusion that my worst fear isn't wood chippers, it's comfortable patterns. Being faced with a long term job is making me very nervous. Like pit of the stomach going to throw the crap up nervous. I never felt this way when it came to Malmborg's or Linder's, even on sales days.
I think it's because I'm worried I'm going to either fall into a nice comfortable pattern of work, be so focused on doing good on work that I forget about my masters and all my little hobbies and curiosities will just go to waste... or fail at keeping up the facade of loving work for such a long period of time. With Malmborg's I kept thinking "Burn myself out until the last possible moment then I can rest it up." But here there'll be no "last possible moment." Will I feel compelled to burn myself up for the sake of doing a hard days work and lose myself, or will I be mediocre and faulty and fail anyways due to lack of money and job in the end?
Yeah, it sound stupid. Of course I'm going to work hard as I can, but I'm still worried I'll just become another statistic... though that's really all most of us are I think. I'm not saying I want to hop onto the nearest blue box and travel the universe, though that would be fun. I'm just saying I kind of feel like I'm not going to do... anything... with my life. Like of importance. I'll get my place, work my ass off for minimum wage, struggle for benefits, always dream of the Master's I'm going to get one day when I've saved up enough, fight my weight.
It'll be the little things though that will start to drive me mad I'm certain. Just like the Polar Bears in a pen too small for them. Little habits to ritualize the day. Almost a sacred good luck charm, but in reality it's just something to make a game of what's become so dull you're screaming in your head.
Brushing my teeth in the same fashion (Insides, tops, outsides, gums, cheeks, roof of mouth, tongue... I have to end with almost making myself gag), "equipping" my items (keys on belt loop, wallet in left pocket, Ipod in right), parking in the same spot (when I get a car), putting my time card back in the same spot I always do in the same angle, pulling peoples cards through the machine at the same angle repeatedly, money all face up and heads pointing to the right, taking a shower (wash hair, wash face starting with the forehead and ending with neck, wash in a north to south manner, clean intimate areas, finish with cleaning feet, clean ears with q-tips, make sure nose isn't stuffed), sleep (Head facing door, one leg up, place glasses on desk, ear thing on table, bra on floor next to bed, long pillow by wall, bear next to that, regular pillow beneath bear and by feet, blanket for when it gets cold between that and self, pillow right to the left of me, and one pillow under my head, arm under the pillow)... those are what I've had so far. Rituals I either still have or seem to get easily like OCD and that make me feel very nervous.
It really does remind me of when I went to Como to see the polar bear and all it did was swim around and around, doing th same exact thing over and over like it was a game to see how similar it could do it to the last time. Like it was counting how many times it could go around to see if it could lose count today. Like it was waiting for the floor of it's pool to burst open into something else so it would have to worry about completing it's rotations anymore... or maybe it had forgotten what it wanted to happen and was simply blank in the head while having at it's rituals.
For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, Como Zoo is the face of what not to do when planning a zoo. That bear died and they shouldn't be allowed to replace it. I don't know if they did or not, but it was disgusting. The bear had two cycles it would do constantly and unceasingly. Here they both are:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxH96ZXFJdY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzXRYzO-GUs
So... now that I have a job here's the list of things I'm going to save up to afford, in order of most to least important to me:
-Getting my teeth checked out (my lower left wisdom tooth is peeking out finally)
-Apartment
-Cel Phone
-Car
-That Doll
-Masters in Physical Anthropology
-Legitimate Doctor Who
Well, 6 hours now. Better head off to bed.
I'm sure things won't be as depressing as all that... especially with Heidi coming down for good. Things seem to always get better when she's finally around.
OH! Does anyone remember the name of that game where you're the little ship flying around and bamfing the different parts of a song so that the different sections play? Sort of the precursor to the Guitar Hero and Rock Band things?