CANOPY BEDS!!!!!!
So recently, I have been at Gettysburg College attending the mason dixon jazz camp, which, like last year, was assloads of fun. From GIANT chess to chatting with george rabbai while he smoked cigars at midnight, we had a blast. It was me, danny gouker and paul lambert, plus 70 or so more kids. After it was over, I was planning to go to see the crossmen perform at westminister, but my mom locked the keys in my trunk so i couldn't go. Rather disappointing. Instead, my cousin and I ate a whole box of donuts in the back of danny's car and threw a couple out the sunroof and door, then proceeding to sing songs about chickens living under portapotties. It was a lot of fun. Check out the new photo album on my webshots: http://community.webshots.com/user/kazoomadness2
But more importantly, I am now discussing the virtues of a canopy bed with amy lather. After my tactful persuasion techniques were not enough to dissuade her from her decision of purchasing one, I employed the expert advice of my good friend jake matuskey. The ensuing conversation was just too hilarious not to post here. I'll have to start with the initial conversation with amy:
Amy: at least im going to redo my room
Me: like paint it?
Amy: no
Amy: just get new stuff for it
Amy: a new bed
Me: pshh
Me: theres no fun in that
Amy: sure there is!!
Amy: a new bed will be wonderful
Me: painting is so relaxing
Amy: i will be able to form an X with my body
Amy: as opposed to being scrunched in
Amy: I HAVE TO HAVE SATIN SHEETS
Amy: i have a satin pillowcase
Amy: and i found this site where you can get satin sheets in awesome colors like....lilac
Me: what are you planning on doing in this bed?
Amy: hahahahah
Amy: im turning my room into a boudoir, obviously
Me: i don't really care about my bed b/c all i do is sleep on it
Me: i don't really scrutinize it every time i get up
Me: if that was the case i'd at least make my bed every once in a while
Amy: i dont either
Amy: but im very sensitive to my sleeping conditions
Amy: i want them to be maximized
Me: all you're doing is SLEEPING!
Amy: since later on in life i will probably be sleeping on a couch
Me: your eyes are closed
Me: this doesn't make any sense
Amy: but you can FEEL
Amy: help me look for satin bedsheets
Amy: and a white gauzy canopy
Me: fine
Me: i guess i can stop reading about pleasuring women for a few minutes
Amy: hahahaha
Amy: thank you
Me: hmm
Amy: finding anything?
Me: "Satin: Time to Feel Sensual"
Amy: HAHAHA
Amy: no you dont understand how comfy these sheets are
Amy: just the PILLOWCASE is amazing
Me: i think you don't understand
Me: these sheets are not for just sleeping
Amy: i do understand
Amy: they will be for other things eventually!
Me: what color do you want?
Amy: white
Amy: for the canopy
Amy: but pink for the sheets
Me: omg
Me: canopy?
Amy: hahaha what!1!
Me: you've gotta be kidding me
Amy: i told you!!
Amy: nooooo wait lemme find a picture
Me: id rather shoot myself
Amy: its not like a CONVENTIONAL canopy
Amy: its like...white gauziness that you drape around your bed
Me: i don't think i would ever make love to anyone on a bed with a canopy
Amy: hahahahaha what!!!
Amy: gahh i need a picture
Amy: just wait
Amy: http://www.bhg.com/bhg/slideshow/slideShow.jhtml?slideid=/templatedata/bhg/slideshow/data/romantic_canopy_01202002.xml&page=8&catref=cat3350002
Amy: go to slide 8
Amy: nvm it goes right to that slidde
Amy: what do you think
Me: yeah i would never have sex on that bed
Me: period
Amy: hahahah why not!!
Me: its ridiculous
Amy: you're ridiculous
Amy: i wouldnt want to have sex with you on my bed anyway
Amy: HMPH
Amy: actually i probably wont be able to have a canopy
Me: good
Me: lol
Amy: i need one though
Me: you do not
Amy: uh huh
Amy: i personally think canopies are sexy
Me: yes princess
Amy: hahahaha
Amy: exactly
Me: i'm asking leif if he would have sex on that bed
Me: and jake
Amy: hahahahaha
Amy: who is leif
Me: leif ellingson
Me: he was a senior my freshman year
Amy: ohh
Amy: what does he think
Amy: and jake
Amy: be sure to add the SATIN BEDSHEETS part
Me: leif said
Me: compared to not having sex...yes
Amy: hahahaha
Amy: the bedsheets is very important though
Amy: hahahaha
Amy: the bedsheets ARE
Amy: wow
Amy: see you dont like it
Amy: because you're probably getting the same image i am
Amy: of you, having sex in a bed with that canopy, and you'd get all tangled up in it
Amy: and yank it off the pole
Me: no
Me: i'd yank off the pole as soon as i walked in the door
Amy: hahaha!!
Me: i'd be like
Me: why is there a fucking canopy on the bed?
Me: and destroy it
Amy: what is your problem with "fucking canopies?"
Me: then set fire to it in the backyard
Amy: haha
Amy: everyone else likes it!!
Me: who is everyone?
My hilarious conversation with jake ensued:
Me: hey jake
Jake: hey bud
Me: i have a quasi-personal question for you
Jake: what can i do for u
Me: http://www.bhg.com/bhg/slideshow/slideShow.jhtml?slideid=/templatedata/bhg/slideshow/data/romantic_canopy_01202002.xml&page=8&catref=cat3350002
Me: would you ever have sex on that bed?
Jake: hmm sex eh?
Me: lol
Jake: let me click this link
Jake: how hot is the girl
Jake: or are there two girls
Jake: or what
Me: i realized that might be a factor
Jake: u werent very specific
Me: i know
Me: well then
Me: tell me this
Me: on the 1-10 scale, how hot would a girl have to be for you to have sex with them on that bed?
Jake: depending on how much booze i have in my tank
Jake: anywhere from a 2 to a 4
Me: assume no alcohol
Me: clear judgement
Jake: is she dominating me
Me: what?
Jake: am i in a black submissive gimp suit
Jake: and shes handcuffing me to the bed
Me: i'll let you decide
Jake: and shes calling me her bitch
Jake: hmm ill have to go with a 3 on average
Jake: depending on how long since my last na was
Jake: does this help
Me: not really
Me: im kind of confusing
Me: so say a largish girl with nasty hair
Me: which is the normal constituter of a 3
Me: says
Me: lets have sex in this gay ass bed with a canopy
Me: you would consent?
Jake: lol
Jake: can i put that in my pro
Jake: thats so fuckin funny
Me: haha i'm putting this whole conversation in my livejournal
Me: go ahead
Me: well i suppose this doesn't really help my argument that canopy beds are gay and guys don't like them
Jake: i like canopy beds
Me: do you know anyone who's online right now that would vehemently despise them?
Jake: theyr an aphrodisiac
Me: i hate you
Jake: let me check
Jake: well i just threw it out there if wayne wanted to talk to you or just keep masturbating
Me: lol
Me: whats wayne's screenname
Jake: Azzn IxOyE88008
Jake: wait
Jake: only 1 z
Jake: Azn
Me: have you ever tried pronouncing that?
Jake: lol
Jake: of course
Jake: it sounds like asian
Jake: did u not realize that until recently
Me: haha his profile says Tata Jesus is bangala
Me: and i don't know what it means
Me: but it makes me laugh
Jake: yeah that kinda went straight over my head
Me: well first we have to analyze what "bangala" means
Me: what do you think?
Jake: maybe its like ass beads
Me: hmm jesus + ass beads
Jake: that sounds like something only wayne could think of
Me: but what's "tata"
Me: i mean the obvious answer is boob
Me: but how does "boob jesus = ass beads" make any sense at all?
Jake: quite simple actually
Here's my quick conversation with Wayne Yu:
Me: hey wayne
Me: this is danny
Me: whitney
Wayne: hey, and don't count me as someone that hates canopy beds
Wayne: i've never even sat in one before
Me: hahaha
Me: well would you have sex on that bed?
Me: did jake send you the link?
Me: here:
Me: http://www.bhg.com/bhg/slideshow/slideShow.jhtml?slideid=/templatedata/bhg/slideshow/data/romantic_canopy_01202002.xml&page=8&catref=cat3350002
Wayne: that's one hell of a link
Me: its also one hell of a bed
Me: like one spawned in hell
Wayne: haha aite i'll look
Wayne: actually i've been meanin to ask if i could borrow the all state cd from 2 years ago
Me: sure
Me: i'm not sure how i'd get it to you or where i'd find it
Me: but i'll get back to you on it]
Me: more importantly, would you ever do a chick on that bed?
Wayne: first i'd need a chick
Wayne: but yes
Wayne: i would
Me: damnit
Me: who do you know that dislikes canopy beds?
Wayne: i never bothered to ask, why do you need to know anyways
Me: because amy lather likes them, and im convincing her that she's not gonna get any action if she buys one
Me: because i think they're retarded
Wayne: ohh haha
Wayne: to me a bed's a bed
Wayne: even the ground's a bed
Wayne: i don't really care where i sleep as long as noon'es tryin to piss me off
Me: exactly
Me: you don't mind if i quote you on any of this do you?
Me: fantastic
....later....
Jake: tell wayne he needs to get some box
Me: lol
Jake: you need to get some box
Jake: I recommend black girls
Wayne: what the hell is box?
Me: *laughing my ass off*
If you don't think that's absurdly funny, I will punch you in the kidney and then put laxatives in your coffee. Speaking of jake, he's the one who originally gave me the link to Tucker Max's website, which is also absurdly funny. This turned out to be one of my most favorite entries of all time. phew...
But more importantly, I am now discussing the virtues of a canopy bed with amy lather. After my tactful persuasion techniques were not enough to dissuade her from her decision of purchasing one, I employed the expert advice of my good friend jake matuskey. The ensuing conversation was just too hilarious not to post here. I'll have to start with the initial conversation with amy:
Amy: at least im going to redo my room
Me: like paint it?
Amy: no
Amy: just get new stuff for it
Amy: a new bed
Me: pshh
Me: theres no fun in that
Amy: sure there is!!
Amy: a new bed will be wonderful
Me: painting is so relaxing
Amy: i will be able to form an X with my body
Amy: as opposed to being scrunched in
Amy: I HAVE TO HAVE SATIN SHEETS
Amy: i have a satin pillowcase
Amy: and i found this site where you can get satin sheets in awesome colors like....lilac
Me: what are you planning on doing in this bed?
Amy: hahahahah
Amy: im turning my room into a boudoir, obviously
Me: i don't really care about my bed b/c all i do is sleep on it
Me: i don't really scrutinize it every time i get up
Me: if that was the case i'd at least make my bed every once in a while
Amy: i dont either
Amy: but im very sensitive to my sleeping conditions
Amy: i want them to be maximized
Me: all you're doing is SLEEPING!
Amy: since later on in life i will probably be sleeping on a couch
Me: your eyes are closed
Me: this doesn't make any sense
Amy: but you can FEEL
Amy: help me look for satin bedsheets
Amy: and a white gauzy canopy
Me: fine
Me: i guess i can stop reading about pleasuring women for a few minutes
Amy: hahahaha
Amy: thank you
Me: hmm
Amy: finding anything?
Me: "Satin: Time to Feel Sensual"
Amy: HAHAHA
Amy: no you dont understand how comfy these sheets are
Amy: just the PILLOWCASE is amazing
Me: i think you don't understand
Me: these sheets are not for just sleeping
Amy: i do understand
Amy: they will be for other things eventually!
Me: what color do you want?
Amy: white
Amy: for the canopy
Amy: but pink for the sheets
Me: omg
Me: canopy?
Amy: hahaha what!1!
Me: you've gotta be kidding me
Amy: i told you!!
Amy: nooooo wait lemme find a picture
Me: id rather shoot myself
Amy: its not like a CONVENTIONAL canopy
Amy: its like...white gauziness that you drape around your bed
Me: i don't think i would ever make love to anyone on a bed with a canopy
Amy: hahahahaha what!!!
Amy: gahh i need a picture
Amy: just wait
Amy: http://www.bhg.com/bhg/slideshow/slideShow.jhtml?slideid=/templatedata/bhg/slideshow/data/romantic_canopy_01202002.xml&page=8&catref=cat3350002
Amy: go to slide 8
Amy: nvm it goes right to that slidde
Amy: what do you think
Me: yeah i would never have sex on that bed
Me: period
Amy: hahahah why not!!
Me: its ridiculous
Amy: you're ridiculous
Amy: i wouldnt want to have sex with you on my bed anyway
Amy: HMPH
Amy: actually i probably wont be able to have a canopy
Me: good
Me: lol
Amy: i need one though
Me: you do not
Amy: uh huh
Amy: i personally think canopies are sexy
Me: yes princess
Amy: hahahaha
Amy: exactly
Me: i'm asking leif if he would have sex on that bed
Me: and jake
Amy: hahahahaha
Amy: who is leif
Me: leif ellingson
Me: he was a senior my freshman year
Amy: ohh
Amy: what does he think
Amy: and jake
Amy: be sure to add the SATIN BEDSHEETS part
Me: leif said
Me: compared to not having sex...yes
Amy: hahahaha
Amy: the bedsheets is very important though
Amy: hahahaha
Amy: the bedsheets ARE
Amy: wow
Amy: see you dont like it
Amy: because you're probably getting the same image i am
Amy: of you, having sex in a bed with that canopy, and you'd get all tangled up in it
Amy: and yank it off the pole
Me: no
Me: i'd yank off the pole as soon as i walked in the door
Amy: hahaha!!
Me: i'd be like
Me: why is there a fucking canopy on the bed?
Me: and destroy it
Amy: what is your problem with "fucking canopies?"
Me: then set fire to it in the backyard
Amy: haha
Amy: everyone else likes it!!
Me: who is everyone?
My hilarious conversation with jake ensued:
Me: hey jake
Jake: hey bud
Me: i have a quasi-personal question for you
Jake: what can i do for u
Me: http://www.bhg.com/bhg/slideshow/slideShow.jhtml?slideid=/templatedata/bhg/slideshow/data/romantic_canopy_01202002.xml&page=8&catref=cat3350002
Me: would you ever have sex on that bed?
Jake: hmm sex eh?
Me: lol
Jake: let me click this link
Jake: how hot is the girl
Jake: or are there two girls
Jake: or what
Me: i realized that might be a factor
Jake: u werent very specific
Me: i know
Me: well then
Me: tell me this
Me: on the 1-10 scale, how hot would a girl have to be for you to have sex with them on that bed?
Jake: depending on how much booze i have in my tank
Jake: anywhere from a 2 to a 4
Me: assume no alcohol
Me: clear judgement
Jake: is she dominating me
Me: what?
Jake: am i in a black submissive gimp suit
Jake: and shes handcuffing me to the bed
Me: i'll let you decide
Jake: and shes calling me her bitch
Jake: hmm ill have to go with a 3 on average
Jake: depending on how long since my last na was
Jake: does this help
Me: not really
Me: im kind of confusing
Me: so say a largish girl with nasty hair
Me: which is the normal constituter of a 3
Me: says
Me: lets have sex in this gay ass bed with a canopy
Me: you would consent?
Jake: lol
Jake: can i put that in my pro
Jake: thats so fuckin funny
Me: haha i'm putting this whole conversation in my livejournal
Me: go ahead
Me: well i suppose this doesn't really help my argument that canopy beds are gay and guys don't like them
Jake: i like canopy beds
Me: do you know anyone who's online right now that would vehemently despise them?
Jake: theyr an aphrodisiac
Me: i hate you
Jake: let me check
Jake: well i just threw it out there if wayne wanted to talk to you or just keep masturbating
Me: lol
Me: whats wayne's screenname
Jake: Azzn IxOyE88008
Jake: wait
Jake: only 1 z
Jake: Azn
Me: have you ever tried pronouncing that?
Jake: lol
Jake: of course
Jake: it sounds like asian
Jake: did u not realize that until recently
Me: haha his profile says Tata Jesus is bangala
Me: and i don't know what it means
Me: but it makes me laugh
Jake: yeah that kinda went straight over my head
Me: well first we have to analyze what "bangala" means
Me: what do you think?
Jake: maybe its like ass beads
Me: hmm jesus + ass beads
Jake: that sounds like something only wayne could think of
Me: but what's "tata"
Me: i mean the obvious answer is boob
Me: but how does "boob jesus = ass beads" make any sense at all?
Jake: quite simple actually
Here's my quick conversation with Wayne Yu:
Me: hey wayne
Me: this is danny
Me: whitney
Wayne: hey, and don't count me as someone that hates canopy beds
Wayne: i've never even sat in one before
Me: hahaha
Me: well would you have sex on that bed?
Me: did jake send you the link?
Me: here:
Me: http://www.bhg.com/bhg/slideshow/slideShow.jhtml?slideid=/templatedata/bhg/slideshow/data/romantic_canopy_01202002.xml&page=8&catref=cat3350002
Wayne: that's one hell of a link
Me: its also one hell of a bed
Me: like one spawned in hell
Wayne: haha aite i'll look
Wayne: actually i've been meanin to ask if i could borrow the all state cd from 2 years ago
Me: sure
Me: i'm not sure how i'd get it to you or where i'd find it
Me: but i'll get back to you on it]
Me: more importantly, would you ever do a chick on that bed?
Wayne: first i'd need a chick
Wayne: but yes
Wayne: i would
Me: damnit
Me: who do you know that dislikes canopy beds?
Wayne: i never bothered to ask, why do you need to know anyways
Me: because amy lather likes them, and im convincing her that she's not gonna get any action if she buys one
Me: because i think they're retarded
Wayne: ohh haha
Wayne: to me a bed's a bed
Wayne: even the ground's a bed
Wayne: i don't really care where i sleep as long as noon'es tryin to piss me off
Me: exactly
Me: you don't mind if i quote you on any of this do you?
Me: fantastic
....later....
Jake: tell wayne he needs to get some box
Me: lol
Jake: you need to get some box
Jake: I recommend black girls
Wayne: what the hell is box?
Me: *laughing my ass off*
If you don't think that's absurdly funny, I will punch you in the kidney and then put laxatives in your coffee. Speaking of jake, he's the one who originally gave me the link to Tucker Max's website, which is also absurdly funny. This turned out to be one of my most favorite entries of all time. phew...