(no subject)
My romantic nature kills me. I'm totally smitten for this girl. I don't even know for sure what color her eyes are. She's in a "non-outside-dating" relationship thing. She doesn't like the guy though. She's said as much. Still it feels wrong. Dishonest. Dishonorable. But when I look at her I know that I want her. And I see the same from her. I've thought she was... beautiful? yes, but more. Gorgeous? again, not quite. Those things and much more.
I've been of the opinion until recently that if I was going to be with a girl it would happen when it happened. But now I think, What's the point in that? This girl is fucking amazing and... I know what I want.
I hug her to say goodbye and I just want to keep holding on. I dream about what her lips would feel like on mine. I find myself singing songs about her as I clean the apartment. "Le deseo. Le deseo con todos que sea." Over and over as I play guitar to myself.
I have a plan. Tomorrow it goes into action.
I hate that I know my own heart so well. Romantic enough to feel this way, Calculating enough to get what I want no matter what. My friends tell me I'm not a nice guy. This is true. What they don't know is that I'm not a good guy either. Am I going to hell? No, I think I not. Mayhap I'm already there.
I've been of the opinion until recently that if I was going to be with a girl it would happen when it happened. But now I think, What's the point in that? This girl is fucking amazing and... I know what I want.
I hug her to say goodbye and I just want to keep holding on. I dream about what her lips would feel like on mine. I find myself singing songs about her as I clean the apartment. "Le deseo. Le deseo con todos que sea." Over and over as I play guitar to myself.
I have a plan. Tomorrow it goes into action.
I hate that I know my own heart so well. Romantic enough to feel this way, Calculating enough to get what I want no matter what. My friends tell me I'm not a nice guy. This is true. What they don't know is that I'm not a good guy either. Am I going to hell? No, I think I not. Mayhap I'm already there.